Thursday, April 5, 2018

2018 Name of the Year: Chrotchtangle Regional, Round One

History is filled with great underdog stories. The Giants toppling the 18-0 Patriots in Super Bowl XLII. Villanova playing a “Perfect Game” against Georgetown in the 1985 NCAA championship. Twelve-year-old Henry Rowengartner making the Chicago Cubs in 1993. 

And that's just sports. Given Name of the Year’s cultural cachet, the stakes here are much higher. Time may forget a World Series champion—did you know the White Sox won the World Series in 2005? It’s true!—but a NOTY champion lives forever. Each year, you may look down the bracket in search of the miracle moniker that may beat the odds. In 2018, you may choose to go up on a Tuesday.

Tuesday DerMargosian is in no way a shoo-in to advance, but the Texas Longhorns softball outfielder is familiar with long odds. “I'm kind of a miracle baby,” she told Texas

Before she was born, doctors told DerMargosian's parents she was likely to have spina bifida. “I wasn't supposed to live past a week of being born, and my Mom didn't want to get attached to me, so she said ‘whatever day she's born that's going to be her name.’ And I just so happened to be born on a Tuesday.” 

(Name of the Year fact checkers continue to investigate the involvement of Addams Family fandom in her naming.)

In a segment on ESPN, DerMargosian described her name as perfect because “it’s super unique. And that’s my personality: unique.” Those who know DerMargosian—parents, coaches, even herself—describe her as personable and goofy. Perhaps always fighting the odds has taught her to have fun while doing so.

A three-sport high-school athlete, DerMargosian batted .301 last season as a freshman at Texas last year. But while her athletic stock may be soaring, she's gonna need to beat some more odds in NOTY. The 15-seed in the Chrotchtangle, DerMargosian's first opponent is the No. 2 seed, Canadian footballer Shaka Licorish. Like his opponent's, Licorish's name has been noted by local media. It’s a classic matchup: two jocks, Canada and Texas, football and softball, overdog and under.

There’s plenty more intrigue in the region. California doctor and top seed Narwhals Mating looms a giant of the deep. If Licorish isn't to your taste, then maybe seven-seed Lucas Chalupa or 16-seed Clinton Bacon. Need scriptural mojo? Pray for aptly named 11-seed Hallelujah Lulie to undo aptly placed six-seed Sixto Cancel. If your lean toward Middle Earth, five-seed Rev. Hobbit Forrest hopes to make second breakfast out his opponent, while 10-seed Gandalf Hernandez plots to arrive in the next round neither late nor early but precisely when he means to.

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#1 Dr. Narwhals Mating, Californian doctor, vs. #16 Clinton Bacon, twentieth century light heavyweight boxer

#8 Bramble Klipple, Senior Director of Philanthropy at the Cornell Lab of Ornithology and Scottish fiddle enthusiast, vs. #9 Mahogany Loggins, suspect in robbery of Minnesotan Kohl’s

#5 Rev. Hobbit Forrest, Prayer Team Director at the Center for Spiritual Living in Florida, vs. #12 Genuine Potts, Chattanooga Mocs wide receiver

#4 Beau Titsworth, Oklahoma Sooner golfer, vs. #13 Palestine Ace, former Bank of America senior vice president indicted for conspiracy to commit bank and wire fraud

#6 Sixto Cancel, CEO of “Think of Us,” a mobile life-coaching platform assisting foster youth in transitioning to adulthood, vs. #11 Hallelujah Lulie, Researcher of Conflict Prevention and Risk Analysis Division for the Institute for Security Studies in Addis Ababa

#3 Dr. Taekwondo Byrd, Colorado internist, vs. #14 Bucky Worboys, General Manager of duPont REGISTRY, a classified advertisement platform specializing in luxury cars, real estate, and yachts

#7 Lukas Chalupa, Czech hockey player, vs. #10 Gandalf Hernandez, former VP of Product Engineering at Mertech Data Systems

#2 Shaka Licorish vs. #15 Tuesday DerMargosian