Tuesday, April 21, 2015

2015 Name of the Year: Dragonwagon and Chrotchtangle Regionals, Sweet 16

After halving the Bulltron and Sithole Regionals last week, we've returned with the Dragonwagon and Chrotchtangle portions of Sweet Sixteen, The Delectable Dieciséis, The Sexy Sechzehn, and the, um, Shining шестнадцать. We're at the point where boys become men, men become legends, and legends are accepted to Harvard Business School without any outside help.

For those of us who aren’t yet legends, Malvina Miller Complainville can help. The Chrotchtangle Regional's four-seed--who sent Alexcion to the Void and gave Ms. Hughey more than a run for her Queeniemoney--coaches applicants through the grueling admissions processes for the world’s top business schools. As the former Assistant Director of Career Services at Harvard Business School, Ms. Complainville provided hundreds of hours of one-on-one coaching to HBS students and acted as an MVP for those MBA’s.

In a recent article for Fortune Magazine, Ms. Complainville shared some words of advice for business school applicants. Let’s see how her ten tips for MBA success can help naminees claim our coveted title:

#1. Preparation is essential: You can’t just expect to show up at the Name of the Year and improvise your way to the top. Think about what you’ll need to know: which challengers present an immediate threat? How can you spin your onomastic weaknesses into onomastic strengths? Is your audience going to appreciate names that capitalize on potty humor or high-brow allusions? Taking these factors into account can give you the confidence you need to smoke the competition.

#2. Practice makes perfect: Say it once, say it twice, say it one hundred times. Remembering your own name is one of the easiest things you can do to stay competitive during the difficult race ahead.

#3. Tune in and listen: You may try to anticipate how voting will go, but be careful! By listening to the voices of your voters and taking their opinions to heart, you will find your self not only better embracing the spirit of the tournament, but maybe even having a little fun along the way.

#4. Strike the right tone: Name of the Year is serious business. Pennyjelly, Promthong, and Powers didn’t come here to mess around, and neither should you. Sometimes having fun means keeping a straight face and giving this bracket the respect it deserves.

#5. Expect the unexpected: Boom, here’s a picture of a dog delivering pizza:

Didn’t see that coming, did you? Anything can happen here, so remember to stay on your toes.

#6. Keep to the point: Remember, the name of the game...is names. No matter how great your backstory, only your moniker will keep you advancing week after week.

#7. Open windows of conversation: Find ways to mention Name of the Year in daily conversation. For example, tell friends and family to follow the tournament on Twitter. Or to follow along on Twitter. Perhaps you might also suggest that they follow the tournament on Twitter.

#8. Ask intelligent questions: Is our adversarial legal system–in which an attorney dwells just on the facts that support the side by which he or she is paid–the system likeliest to achieve justice? Would all major religions identify essentially the same state of mind as the highest spiritual level human beings attain? What is time? Also, questions about other names in the tournament are good too.

#9. Plan your time: With new opportunities to vote on names every week, you don’t want to burn out too fast. Take your time, pace yourself, and settle in for the long haul.

#10. Don’t forget the basics: Everyone has their own reasons for loving a name, so don’t let anyone else tell you how to vote. At the end of the day, we’re all here for the same reason. So get out there, have some fun, and take that crown!


#9 Handsome Monica, who sizzled #1 Littice Bacon-Blood, vs. #5 Dr. Wallop Promthong, who danced past #4 Dwellie Striggles.

#6 Sherry Pennyjelly, who played the leading role over #3 Cameo Crispi, vs. #7 Infinite Grover, who showed limitless potential against #2 Genghis Muskox.


#8 Miraculous Powers, who, uh, miraculously powered past #1 Mussolini Africano, vs. #4 Malvina Complainville, who cashed out #5 Queeniemoney Hughey.

#3 Beethoven Bong, who lit up #6 Dr. Data Longjohn, vs. #2 Amanda Miranda Panda, who showed rhyme and reason in her defeat of #7 Tunis van Peenen.