Thursday, April 2, 2015

2015 Name of the Year: Chrotchtangle Regional, Round One



This year's Chrotchtangle Regional is a marvelous, multisyllabic mess and we could not be more proud to introduce you to our colorful nominees. 

Despite the chaos of the selection process, we developed strong fascist nation fascination with the man who would ultimately lead our last set of fine names. When we think about one-seed Mussolini Africano, an LA-area physician, our imaginations run wild about how such a beautiful, multi-continental nominal construction came to be. 

And while some names we yearn to know more about, for others we know almost too much. Barrel-chested ten-seed Rocky Porco loves working outside and driving his bumble bee yellow Harley, or so touts the Employee Spotlight of the City of Salida, Colorado Facebook page. There Rocky graciously shares a bit of his limelight with a mysteriously vague anecdote about a fun time with his friend Kevin:

Funny story: Rocky remembers a time when working with Kevin Nelson in a ditch, and the water was up to Kevin's neck. Kevin was trying to get up the ladder, but there was no bottom rung and Kevin couldn't get out...neither could remember how the story ended but we do know Kevin got out--he is still alive and well and still works for the City of Salida! 

You go Rocky!

Now, our name would not be Name of the Year without a bevy of strong contenders from the realm of sports. Fifth seed Q Drennan (yes, just Q) is a former MI6 gadgeteer turned freshman wide receiver at The University of New Mexico. One pairing over from Q is Claflin University player and 13-seed Alexicon Void, who will surely leave you with a loss for words if these young athletes come head-to-head in Round 2.

Our third Chrotchtangle nominee worth noting from the world of sports is eight-seed Miraculous Powers, another rising high school footballer. Interestingly enough, it turns out that Powers has actually lived up to his lofty name. While he was in utero, Powers' mother Lowanda was in a severe car accident that left her life on the line. In the hospital, Lowanda's family was told that the likelihood of both mother and son making it was grim. But when they both made a full recovery a few days later, Lowanda deemed only one name fitting for her miracle kid.

Last but certainly not least, the NOTY phones have been off the hook with hubbub about our two-seed Amanda Miranda Panda. In real life, she has hit some hard times after being read her Amanda Miranda Rights and subsequently charged with three counts of burglary in Boise, Idaho last December. But to us, she can be still be crowned a real winner. If not a winner, then at least a shining example of the awesome power a parent can wield with merely a pen and a blank line on a birth certificate.

Will one of these contenders carry the covetous Chrotchtangle name to the winner's circle? Vote below!

#1 Mussolini Africano, SoCal physician, vs. #16 Lyric Generals, a young Philadelphia-area cheerleader.


#8 Miraculous Powers, football player, vs. #9 Silver Bronzo, Auburn University philosophy instructor.


#5 Queeniemoney Hughey of Chicago vs. #12 Q Drennan of the New Mexico Lobos.


#4 Malvina Complainville, former Harvard Business School employee, vs. #13 Alexcion Void, high school basketball player.


#6 Dr. Data Longjohn, Long Island internist, vs. #11 Shyanthony Synigal, track and field athlete.


#3 Beethoven Bong, video editor at CUNY, vs. #14 Zeke Faux, Bloomberg reporter.


#7 Tunis van Peenen, owner of Van Peenen's Dairy, vs. #10 Rocky Porco of Salida, CO.


#2 Amanda Miranda Panda of Boise vs. #15 Shanda Licking, Hospitality Director at the Dismal River Golf Club


Happy voting. Twitter plug.