Friday, March 27, 2015

2015 Name of the Year: Sithole Regional, Round One

We need to talk about Dr. Electron Kebebew.

Our fascination with the atomically-named doc began when a reader sent us a simple e-mail message: “Electron Kebebew. I let this guy cut me open.”

We discovered this was no joke: After years of surgical training, Dr. Kebebew now leads the NIH program in Endocrine Oncology and has quite possibly saved the life of at least one NOTY fan. Thanks to his atomic first name and his onomatopoeic surname that sounds like someone firing a phaser, Dr. K is the perfect candidate to follow in Dr. Loki Skylizard and Dr. Suparman Marzuki’s footsteps as the latest #1 seed bolstered by his PhD.

Dr. Kebebew entered the world with a Big Bang. His father, an Ethiopean electrical engineer, worried that his children would not follow in his footsteps as people of science. To make their career paths clear from birth, he named them after subatomic particles (or, for any physicist fans, strings simultaneously vibrating in 11 dimensions): Proton, Neutron, Deutron, Electron, and Electron’s anti-matter doppelgänger, Positron. If the Kebebew family had included any more children, we can only assume they would've been named Lepton, Hadron, and Quark.

While many NOTY nominees may have faced years of torment at the hands of schoolchildren before assuming their places in our celebratory tournament, Electron has repelled negativity and embraced his identity. In a 2007 interview, he said "When you have a name like Electron, people notice you, and they have expectations of you…But by and large, as I think back on my life, my name has been a positive influence."

People also notice you if, like Dr. Electron, you are pulling down serious cash. In 2011, a report by the questionably named WikiORGCharts published the 1000 highest paid US government salaries. After President Obama, the highest paid civil servant in the land was none other than Dr. Electron Kebebew. The news swept through trade publications, the Big Government Hatin’, Freedom Loving Patriot Press  and even made it’ way to the road-raging id of the internet, bodybuilding forums. Only down at the depths of the forums did anyone seem to take notice that, on top of being a physician, our highest paid non-elected official has a name worthy of the Hall of Name.

Will Electron complete a run through our field of 64? His journey, along with 15 others, begins today. Vote below, and stay in touch on Twitter.

#1 Dr. Electron Kebebew, NIH oncologist, vs. #16 Hunter Jumper, former MLS player.

#8 Dr. Jocko Zifferblatt, frostbite expert, vs. #9 Manmeet Colon, a detective in New Haven.

#5 Erhard Thumfart, whose wife sued the city of New Orleans, vs. #12 Flavious Coffee of Zimbabwe.

#4 Chito Schnupp, an executive at American Pacific Mortgage, vs. #13 Joko Widodo, the current President of Indonesia.

#6 Dallas Ennema, basketball player for the University of Albany, vs. #11 Bol Bol, the son of NBA legend Manute Bol.

#3 Lancelot Supersad Jr., whose mugshot made its way around the Internet, vs. #14 LaAdrian Waddle, offensive tackle for the Detroit Lions.

#7 Baba Blumkin, owner of a "high-end pawn shop," vs. #10 Jazzi Barnum-Bobb, footballer for Cardiff City in the UK.

#2 Jazznique St. Junious, employee at a Wisconsin fast food restaurant, vs. #15 Fellony Silas, who, yes, was accused of a felony.