Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The Final Four

We're nearing the summit of this year's tourney. The venerable spirits of Assumption Bulltron, Godfrey Sithole, Crescent Dragonwagon, and Doby Chrotchtangle have each found favor with a champion. These four, this exalted sixteenth of the starting field, are all that remain as our competition enters its final stages. One will emerge as the 2014 Name of the Year.

Top-seeded Curvaceous Bass -- whose surname is pronounced like the fish, according to a commenter -- won the right to represent Bulltron when she defeated upstart ten seed Dequarium Lumpkin. We figured she was a champ from the get-go, but we think that about all our high-seeded names, and the Bulltron was the only regional to go chalk this year. 

The Sithole regional saw the surprising defeat of the titanic Dr. Loki Skylizard, who we identified from the beginning as a possible tournament frontrunner. His conqueror: #3 Shamus Beaglehole of the Chesterfield F.C. youth team. Can Beaglehole take down another one seed? 

Dr. Eve Gruntfest will be representing the Dragonwagon regional. The two seed, a flash flood researcher who shares her name with a heavy metal benefit concert, dropped #9 Equanimeous St. Brown to claim the regional title. 

Finally, in the Chrotchtangle's nail-biting final, Miss Hong Kong runner-up Chillie Poon edged out nine seed Shitavious Cook by a margin of only 60 votes -- which is exciting, to be sure, and a #10 in the Final Four is usually the kind of narrative you root for, but she's a ten seed for a reason. This year's Chrotch was stacked, and we hoped a name with less juvenile appeal would rise to the top. (In retrospect, what were we thinking? This is the internet.)

Bass or Beaglehole? Gruntfest or Poon? Vote here.