Thursday, October 17, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional Round 1: #7 Carlton Crunk vs. #10 Flavius Walter Winsted, #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr vs. #15 Junior Lomomba

carlton-banks

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Today's contestants are the last of this year's crop; from here, the playing field will only narrow.

First up is Carlton Crunk of Texas. We don't know much about Carlton. With any luck, he wears a mullet -- his name puts business in the front and party in the back. Personally, I can't get over the image of one of TV's most buttoned-up characters blowing off steam. A lot of steam.

Crunk is up against Maryland motorcycle thief Flavius Walter Winsted. Say it with me: Flavius Walter Winsted, Roman emperor on a stolen bike.

Carlton or FWW FTW?

[polldaddy poll=7484265]

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As Sam mentioned yesterday, we at NOTY are flooded with emails, tweets, and suggestions that point us to names that amount to little more than obvious sex jokes -- your Dick Pounds, your B.J. Cummings, your Long Wangs. We've become numb to this sort of easy gag; it takes something special for a dirty name to bring light to our jaded eyes. In this regard, Northwestern Wildcat Leo Moses Spornstarr has all the right intangibles. Innocuous start, religious figure, and then BOOM. It sneaks up on you.

Spornstarr's opponent is Viking-turned-Friar Junior Lomomba. Junior, who plays small forward on the Providence College basketball team, is actually a sophomore. He's "known as a physical player and strong on-ball defender." On both these fronts, we can't help but ask: more than a Spornstarr?

[polldaddy poll=7484271]
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With that, we've officially introduced all our contenders. As always, voting ends Sunday at midnight. Next week, we'll get started on Round 2, beginning in the Bulltron. Name on!