Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional, Round 1: #6 Skylar Stormo vs. #11 MagnusMoan, #3 Champion Jointer vs. #14 Ram Amandeep



Our apologies for the slightly late post today. To make it up, here's a picture of some baby platypuses to go along with our regular Twitter reminder.

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Two alliterative titans battle in our first matchup of the day. Six seed Skylar Stormo recently graduated from Washington State University, where he was a starting defensive end on the football team. Skylar played 36 games in his first three years before leaving the team as a senior. We're not sure why Skylar chose to call it quits, though  we presume he was too busy saving the world (or plotting to destroy it). As far as meteorological monikers go, Hurricane Weathers is nice, but we applaud Skylar's parents for not cheating and creatively pairing an existing first name with his rainy bloodline.

Skylar is up against Magnus Moan. Magnus is our second entrant from Norway. A Lillehammer native, he picked up two medals at the 2006 Turin Olympics for his exploits as a Nordic combined skier. We would've fancied him a weightlifter, but it doesn't matter. We're cuckoo about his name, and you should be, too.

Will Skylar Stormo or Magnus Moan move on? The poll is open!

[polldaddy poll=7481379]

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Up next is 3 seed Champion Jointer of Tennessee. He is not an antiquated woodworking device but rather a music executive who "manage[s] some of the hottest upcoming Indie Artists out of the Mid South." No matter his place in the world, Champion should always rest easy knowing that there is no one out there who joints better than he does.

His opponent is Ram Amandeep, a New York City cabbie who we hope spends his time cruising for fares in the Meatpacking District. Ram is another candidate gaining steam among the people, but there's a reason we made him a 14 seed. We get it. His name is also a description of penetrative anal sex. But there's more to life than lewd, sophomoric jokes, right? Plus, that's what we have Pornsak Pongthong for.

We have vowed to stay as impartial as possible, but I must openly root for Champion Jointer. Whether you agree with me or wish to defy my executive preference by choosing Ram Amandeep, you can exercise your right to vote below.

[polldaddy poll=7481383]