Monday, October 14, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional, Round 1: #1 Fancy English, Jr. vs. #16 Patron Steele, #8 Sparkle McKnight vs. #9 Hurricane Weathers


We're ready for the start!

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Aaaaand they're off in the Chrotchtangle!

We begin today with our final one seed, North Carolina resident Fancy English Jr. We couldn't find a ton of information on Junior, but a 40 year old newspaper article and a more recent wedding notice for his son confirm his existence. Unfortunately, that son's name is DeVane, not Fancy III; perhaps Fancy knew when choosing a name that his son was destined to split too many infinitives or dangle too many participles to properly carry on the Fancy English line.

Little English's first round opponent is Patron Steele of Ohio. Your mileage may vary on this one. If you believe Mr. Steele's first name is pronounced Pay-trin, you may not be so impressed. If you instead think Patron is pronounced like the tequila brand, he then continues a long Name of the Year tradition of contestants named after types of liquor. We've previously sung the praises of 2005 champion Tanqueray Beavers and 2011 runner-up Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson. Patron isn't on that level, but he's in the building.

Will Fancy English Jr. properly dot his i's and cross his t's against Patron Steele? The choice is yours.

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The last of our 8 vs. 9 slugfests pits Sparkle McKnight against Hurricane Weathers. Sparkle, the slightly higher seed, is a recent grad of the University of Arkansas, where she dazzled as one of the state's best sprinters. During the 2013 season, her Razorbacks were one of the best teams in the country, and she picked up a national championship as one of the four legs of a triumphant 4x400 relay squad. Her quest to add a Name of the Year victory to her impressive resume begins now.

As for Hurricane, he reportedly lives in Florida, where hurricane weathers are somewhat of a status quo. I don't think that makes his name any less exciting.

Can Hurricane Weathers storm past Sparkle McKnight, or will the sprinter shine? Decide below.

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