Thursday, October 31, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional Round 2: #11 Magnus Moan vs. #14 RamAmandeep, #7 Carlton Crunk vs. #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr


There's a lot to love at the bottom of the Chrotchtangle this round. The first match is a tale of two upsets: Olympic skier Magnus Moan defeated Skylar Stormo in Round 1, while #14 upstart Ram Amandeep took out 3-seed Champion Jointer. Real talk: the deciding factor in this round will be a question of how many people are still wringing cheap chuckles out of Ram Amandeep.

[polldaddy poll=7522070]

The final Round 2 runoff sees Leo Moses Spornstarr facing his first real competition in the form of Carlton Crunk. Both names are winners, but one must lose. Who will it be?

[polldaddy poll=7522080]

The Sweet Sixteen begins next week. Follow us on Twitter!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional Round 2: #1 Fancy English, Jr. vs. #9 HurricaneWeathers, #12 Mister Love vs. #4 Fitzroy Waffley

It was a dark and stormy night...for Fancy English, Jr., at least. The Chrotchtangle Regional's #1 seed is in for a rainy, windy battle against #9 seed Hurricane Weathers. Fancy's victory over Patron Steele was little more than a formality, but he's now up for a real challenge against the Florida man who vanquished Sparkle McKnight. Go on, Fancy. Make dad proud.

[polldaddy poll=7519582]


In our second matchup, Mister Love will try to become the second double-digit seed to book a place in the Sweet Sixteen. Mr. Love is not quite 2009 frontrunner Nutritious Love, but he's set for a potentially deep run after knocking off Bonanza Sharp in Round 1. Of course, he'll have to get past Fitzroy Waffley, who comfortably strolled past Mythius Gaither in his last matchup and still has the word "waffle" embedded in his last name.

[polldaddy poll=7519595]

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional Round 2: #6 Gorby Loreus vs. #3 SincereShears, #10 Leila Bossy-Nobs vs. #2 Jackmeoff Mudd

Screen Shot 2013-10-28 at 7.05.19 PM

This week, DragWag 3-seed Sincere Shears is up against erstwhile Middle Tennessee defensive end Gorby Loreus (#6). Shears is ranked higher, but the marvelous mellifluity of Gorby Loreus makes an upset a very real possibility. Who will go on?

[polldaddy poll=7515275]

Today's other matchup should also be contentious. Leila Bossy-Nobs' first-round rout of Fang Man, who had the support of the commentariat, indicates that she may have further victories in store -- even against a heavy such as #2 Jackmeoff Mudd, whose margin of victory over 15-seed Onochie Ochie could be seen as surprisingly slim. Are Leila's nobs bossy enough?

[polldaddy poll=7515279]

Tomorrow, we Chrotchtangle. Tweet at us.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional Round 2: #1 Dr. Suparman Marzuki vs. #8 DustyRust; #5 Twollie Vanderwerf vs. #4 Smokey Don Pipes

Just 24 names remain in the 2013 Name of the Year tournament. By the end of this week, we will be down to 16.

Another top seed is under fire as Dr. Suparman Marzuki moves past his triumph over Dickie Lee Hullinghorst to battle Dusty Rust, the dispatcher of Blaze Caponegro. Suparman has few weaknesses, but Mr. Rust may be able to exploit one of them if his dust happens to be of the crushed-up kryptonite variety. Can the Louisianian college football player pull the upset?

[polldaddy poll=7512520]


Elsewhere, Smokey Don Pipes will look to follow up his commanding round one victory over Dreamius Smith by taking out Twollie Vanderwerf.  Smokey Don seems like an awfully strong four seed at this point; he's the 2013 Michigan Wolverines of our bracket. Twollie, who previously outlasted Necho Beard, is simply a Minnesota man whose name was submitted by his wife. He may not have the bravado of his opponent, but he has the modest backstory needed to spin a textbook David vs. Goliath tale.

[polldaddy poll=7512526]

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Bulltron/Sithole Round 2 Results

We're picking up the pace and kicking up the bass here at NOTY headquarters. Two regions down, two to go in the second round of the tourney.

In the Bulltron:

1-seed Pornsak Pongthong continues to rip through his competition like a machine, leaving nothing more of #8 Bak Bak than a plaintive squawk and a cloud of feathers.

#13 Marijuana Warr chalked up another upset, this time against 5-seed Narnia Overall. Apparently stoners have stronger numbers in our readership than C.S. Lewis fans do.

#6 David L. Dickensheets won the doctor fight! Sorry, #3 Skyhawk Fadigan.

Powerhouse 2-seed Yolanda Squatpump made short work of #10 Ursula A. Hofacker. We should be in for a doozy of an Elite Eight match if Pongthong and Squatpump both make it past the next round.

In the Sithole:

#1 Baby Swinger bested #8 Octavia Sheepshanks, although Sheepshanks put up a good fight.

#5 Norman Conquest narrowly upset 4-seed Konockus Sashington. Conquest/Swinger should be tight.

#6 Pooky Amsterdam beat upstart 14-seed Florence Fabricant in a clean three-to-one sweep.

2-seed McWisdom Badejo roundly trounced #10 Syndric Steptoe.

This week: Fraggin' in the Dragonwagon! Tangle in the Chrotch! Tune in via Twitter.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Sithole Regional Round 2: #6 Pooky Amsterdam vs. #14 Florence Fabricant; #10 Syndric Steptoe vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo


It's the battle of the European cities today with Amsterdam taking on Florence in the first matchup. Pooky, the 6-seed, is fresh off a rout of Dr. Twigs Way, but upstart 14-seed Fabricant is looking for blood after her photo finish against #3 Koovasky Zapata. FloFab is one of only two 14-seeds to make it to round 2 (the other is fan favorite Ram Amandeep). But can she put a stop to the unyielding momentum of Pooky Amsterdam?

[polldaddy poll=7502890]


Today's second matchup also pits a low-seeded upset winner against a relative heavy, though in neither case is the outcome a foregone conclusion. The bottom of the Sithole sees McWisdom Badejo facing off against fellow athlete Syndric Steptoe. Steptoe's already-pleasing name becomes funnier when you consider that as a receiver he's undoubtedly done a lot of toe-stepping by the sidelines of the football field. Meanwhile, McWisdom is named McWisdom.

Who wins?

[polldaddy poll=7502895]

As always, voting ends Sunday at midnight, so cast your ballots before then.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Sithole Regional Round 2: #1 Baby Swinger vs. #8 OctaviaSheepshanks; #5 Norman Conquest vs. #4 Konockus Sashington

As previously noted, your Tweets make us happy.

The Sithole Regional enters its second round today with two matchups we expect to be awfully close. On paper, top seed Baby Swinger seems like a clear favorite, but  8-seed Octavia Sheepshanks dispatched her first round opponent with a wider margin of victory. Even so, Ms. Swinger has the much splashier name. While she is twirling toddlers, chucking children, and yanking around youths, take a minute to make sure you don't pass over consideration of Ms. Sheepshanks.

[polldaddy poll=7500425]


Up next is our first 4 vs. 5 tussle of the tournament. Your choice in this matchup says a lot about the class of names you enjoy. Nominal favorite Konockus Sashington thrives on a ridiculous jumble of letters and a name that is incredibly fun to say out loud. Norman Conquest, on the other hand, is the perfect choice for those who prefer names that tell stories (or, in this case, deliver history lessons). It's a run-and-gun offense against a tight, disciplined full-court press. Who will you choose?

[polldaddy poll=7500449]

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Bulltron Regional Round 2: #6 Dr. David L. Dickensheets vs. #3 Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D.; #10 Ursula A. Hofacker vs. #2 Yolanda Squatpump

Listen up, y'all, you're about to witness something many men don't see in a lifetime. Button your britches, circle the wagons and bring out the bubbly: we done got ourselves a doctor fight.

In one corner: David L. Dickensheets, infectious disease specialist. In the other: Skyhawk Fadigan, family practitioner. Who will live to battle another day?

[polldaddy poll=7496671]

The final Bulltron matchup this round begins with Ursula A. Hofacker, chemistry lecturer. She'll be facing Usual Suspects makeup artist Yolanda Squatpump. No matter who wins, we're going to see a vowel-heavy woman facing somebody with a medical degree next round.

[polldaddy poll=7496674]

The fun part of the tournament is getting underway -- champions have emerged from the fold, making for more heated matchups. Follow us on Twitter for all the action as it develops.

Updated Bracket / Round 1 Casualty Report

By popular demand, we've put together an updated bracket that shows who's been eliminated and who's still in the game. It's below -- click it for a larger version. We'll post one of these at the end of each round.

Click to enlarge.
Click to enlarge.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Bulltron Regional Round 2: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #8 Bak Bak, #5 Narnia Overall vs. #13 Marijuana Warr

Round two is here! 32 names have been vanquished, but 32 champions can say they are five victories away from a Name of the Year title. Who will emerge as The One?

Perhaps it will be Pornsak Pongthong, the Thai footballer who vanquished Genius Dexter. His next opponent is University of California basketball player Bak Bak, who I'd guess is Chris Berman's favorite candidate. The matchup is below.

[polldaddy poll=7493068]


Elsewhere, Narnia Overall is up against Marijuana Warr, who was one of the first round's upset victors. It's Warr vs. wardrobe, and it's up for your consideration.

[polldaddy poll=7493094]

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional Round 1 Results

After chalk ruled the Dragonwagon, the Chrotchtangle was marked by upsets left and right.

As we expected, #16 Patron Steele was no match for #1 Fancy English, Jr.

#9 Hurricane Weathers stormed past #8 Sparkle McKnight

#12 Mister Love pulled a comfortable upset over #5 Bonanza Sharp.

#4 Fitzroy Waffley closed his iron on #13 Mythius Gaither.

#11 Magnus Moan also emerged from his matchup as an upset victor, defeating #6 Skylar Stormo

#14 Ram Amandeep pulled off one final upset, dropping #3 Champion Jointer. We really think you guys got that one wrong.

#7 Carlton Crunk topped #10 Flavius Walter Winsted. YEAH!

The last matchup of the first round was also the most decisive. Poor #15 Junior Lomomba barely managed to reach a double-digit vote count as he was absolutely pantsed by #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr. Leo looks to be a strong contender going into round 2, which begins tomorrow in the Bulltron.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional Round 1: #7 Carlton Crunk vs. #10 Flavius Walter Winsted, #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr vs. #15 Junior Lomomba


We like it when you tweet at us.

Today's contestants are the last of this year's crop; from here, the playing field will only narrow.

First up is Carlton Crunk of Texas. We don't know much about Carlton. With any luck, he wears a mullet -- his name puts business in the front and party in the back. Personally, I can't get over the image of one of TV's most buttoned-up characters blowing off steam. A lot of steam.

Crunk is up against Maryland motorcycle thief Flavius Walter Winsted. Say it with me: Flavius Walter Winsted, Roman emperor on a stolen bike.

Carlton or FWW FTW?

[polldaddy poll=7484265]


As Sam mentioned yesterday, we at NOTY are flooded with emails, tweets, and suggestions that point us to names that amount to little more than obvious sex jokes -- your Dick Pounds, your B.J. Cummings, your Long Wangs. We've become numb to this sort of easy gag; it takes something special for a dirty name to bring light to our jaded eyes. In this regard, Northwestern Wildcat Leo Moses Spornstarr has all the right intangibles. Innocuous start, religious figure, and then BOOM. It sneaks up on you.

Spornstarr's opponent is Viking-turned-Friar Junior Lomomba. Junior, who plays small forward on the Providence College basketball team, is actually a sophomore. He's "known as a physical player and strong on-ball defender." On both these fronts, we can't help but ask: more than a Spornstarr?

[polldaddy poll=7484271]

With that, we've officially introduced all our contenders. As always, voting ends Sunday at midnight. Next week, we'll get started on Round 2, beginning in the Bulltron. Name on!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional, Round 1: #6 Skylar Stormo vs. #11 MagnusMoan, #3 Champion Jointer vs. #14 Ram Amandeep

Our apologies for the slightly late post today. To make it up, here's a picture of some baby platypuses to go along with our regular Twitter reminder.


Two alliterative titans battle in our first matchup of the day. Six seed Skylar Stormo recently graduated from Washington State University, where he was a starting defensive end on the football team. Skylar played 36 games in his first three years before leaving the team as a senior. We're not sure why Skylar chose to call it quits, though  we presume he was too busy saving the world (or plotting to destroy it). As far as meteorological monikers go, Hurricane Weathers is nice, but we applaud Skylar's parents for not cheating and creatively pairing an existing first name with his rainy bloodline.

Skylar is up against Magnus Moan. Magnus is our second entrant from Norway. A Lillehammer native, he picked up two medals at the 2006 Turin Olympics for his exploits as a Nordic combined skier. We would've fancied him a weightlifter, but it doesn't matter. We're cuckoo about his name, and you should be, too.

Will Skylar Stormo or Magnus Moan move on? The poll is open!

[polldaddy poll=7481379]


Up next is 3 seed Champion Jointer of Tennessee. He is not an antiquated woodworking device but rather a music executive who "manage[s] some of the hottest upcoming Indie Artists out of the Mid South." No matter his place in the world, Champion should always rest easy knowing that there is no one out there who joints better than he does.

His opponent is Ram Amandeep, a New York City cabbie who we hope spends his time cruising for fares in the Meatpacking District. Ram is another candidate gaining steam among the people, but there's a reason we made him a 14 seed. We get it. His name is also a description of penetrative anal sex. But there's more to life than lewd, sophomoric jokes, right? Plus, that's what we have Pornsak Pongthong for.

We have vowed to stay as impartial as possible, but I must openly root for Champion Jointer. Whether you agree with me or wish to defy my executive preference by choosing Ram Amandeep, you can exercise your right to vote below.

[polldaddy poll=7481383]

Monday, October 14, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional, Round 1: #1 Fancy English, Jr. vs. #16 Patron Steele, #8 Sparkle McKnight vs. #9 Hurricane Weathers


We're ready for the start!

(Psst...follow us on Twitter)


Aaaaand they're off in the Chrotchtangle!

We begin today with our final one seed, North Carolina resident Fancy English Jr. We couldn't find a ton of information on Junior, but a 40 year old newspaper article and a more recent wedding notice for his son confirm his existence. Unfortunately, that son's name is DeVane, not Fancy III; perhaps Fancy knew when choosing a name that his son was destined to split too many infinitives or dangle too many participles to properly carry on the Fancy English line.

Little English's first round opponent is Patron Steele of Ohio. Your mileage may vary on this one. If you believe Mr. Steele's first name is pronounced Pay-trin, you may not be so impressed. If you instead think Patron is pronounced like the tequila brand, he then continues a long Name of the Year tradition of contestants named after types of liquor. We've previously sung the praises of 2005 champion Tanqueray Beavers and 2011 runner-up Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson. Patron isn't on that level, but he's in the building.

Will Fancy English Jr. properly dot his i's and cross his t's against Patron Steele? The choice is yours.

[polldaddy poll=7474010]


The last of our 8 vs. 9 slugfests pits Sparkle McKnight against Hurricane Weathers. Sparkle, the slightly higher seed, is a recent grad of the University of Arkansas, where she dazzled as one of the state's best sprinters. During the 2013 season, her Razorbacks were one of the best teams in the country, and she picked up a national championship as one of the four legs of a triumphant 4x400 relay squad. Her quest to add a Name of the Year victory to her impressive resume begins now.

As for Hurricane, he reportedly lives in Florida, where hurricane weathers are somewhat of a status quo. I don't think that makes his name any less exciting.

Can Hurricane Weathers storm past Sparkle McKnight, or will the sprinter shine? Decide below.

[polldaddy poll=7474012]

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional Round 1 Results

We had kind of a boring week in the Dragonwagon Regional. There were no upsets; everything went strictly by the book. We'll chalk it up to our excellent seeding choices in this quadrant.

#1 Dr. Suparman Marzuki dealt swift justice to #16 Dickie Lee Hullinghorst.

#8 Dusty Rust outshone #9 Blaze Caponegro.

In this week's closest match, #5 Twollie Vanderwerf barely edged out #12 Necho Beard.

#4 Smokey Don Pipes ran roughshod over #13 Dreamius Smith.

#6 Gorby Loreus handily dispatched strong 11-seed Myck Kabongo. Mr. Kabongo, you'll be missed.

#3 Sincere Shears tore through #14 Twinkle Cavanaugh.

Despite vocal support for the underdog, 7-seed Leila Bossy-Nobs (aka Kelis) defanged #10 Fang Man. DEM NOBS.

Finally, #2 Jackmeoff Mudd beat off his challenger, #15 Onochie Ochie.

Stay with us! Tomorrow, we make our way down to the Chrotch, where things really get exciting. As always, follow us on Twitter for updates.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional, Round 1: #7 Leila Bossy-Nobs vs. #10 Fang Man, #2Jackmeoff Mudd vs. #15 Onochie Ochie

Obligatory Twitter plug.


I begin today's slate with a confession: Out of all the names in our feed, only one cracks me up every time I say it out loud. That name isn't any of our #1 seeds, nor is it Sheepshanks or Spornstarr or Squatpump (OK, fine, Squatpump fits that bill as well). Nay, the name that causes me the most regular giggle fits is none other than Dragonwagon #7 Leila Bossy-Nobs. I couldn't tell you why the ostensibly French biomedical engineer's name makes me snigger like a fourth grader, but reading her name makes me cover my mouth so the other patrons of whatever cafe/library/sandwich shop I'm in won't realize just how much of a weirdo I actually am.

At any rate, whenever I think kids these days are too compliant with their nobs, I turn to Leila. Wear those Bossy-Nobs with pride, girl!

Leila is fighting a tough battle this week. Her opponent is Fang Man, who is neither fanged nor a man. Instead, she is a Chinese-born composer who has been described "inventive and breathtaking" by the New York Times. Judging from Twitter, several of you are similarly impressed with Mrs. Man, making her a prime upset candidate. I'll admit that I'm not so bullish on her, since I'd guess there are several Fang Men gnashing their teeth all over China. Of course, should your votes declare her the winner, I will have to shut up and deal.

Will Fang Man give Leila Bossy-Nobs a fatal bite? Decide below.

[polldaddy poll=7464528]


Our second matchup of the day begins with two seed Jackmeoff Mudd. There are two possible realities for how Jackmeoff came to possess his masturbatory first name, and I'm not sure which one I like better. In one timeline, Jackmeoff is the son of the two worst parents in the world, who give him a brutal name perhaps as a way of hardening him for the harsh realities of the life. In the other scenario, he legally changes his name to have it become an expression of how few fucks he gives. While we generally frown upon name changes, a man willing to change his name to Jackmeoff possesses enough Insanity Wolf to make us admire his fearlessness.

In contrast to Jackmeoff's intimidating glare, his opponent's press photo displays a wide, bright smile. 15 seed Onochie Ochie is the son of two professors, a regular churchgoer, and a college basketball player who chose to attend Southeastern Louisiana because of its "great family atmosphere". Add an immensely fun name to the profile, and you get a young man whom I would definitely choose to hang out with over his opponent. I'll even forgive him for being a Miami Heat fan.

Will Jackmeoff reach his climax against Onochie? That's up to you.

[polldaddy poll=7464531]

As usual, voting ends on Sunday. Tell your friends!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional, Round 1: #6 Gorby Loreus vs. #11 Myck Kabongo, #3 Sincere Shears vs. #14 Twinkle Cavanaugh


By our estimation, today's matchup of former Middle Tennessee linebacker Gorby Loreus against recent San Antonio Spurs signee Myck Kabongo just might be the toughest of our whole tournament. We've been arguing about it since we first drew up the bracket; I think I've switched sides more than once.

Our competitors have a lot of common, at least on the field of name. Both are athletes. Both need to be said aloud to maximize the joy they evoke. And both are perfect names -- there's nothing more you can ask of a name like Gorby Loreus or Myck Kabongo, no slight tweak that would improve them.

Originally a Canadian, Kabongo went undrafted in the 2013 NBA draft; he signed last month with San Antonio and will likely play with the Austin Toros, a Spurs-affiliated D-League team. We really hope his favorite N64 title was Banjo-Kazooie.

The most salient point about Loreus is that he entered college in 2008, meaning he would have been born around the time Mikhail Gorbachev was coming to power in the USSR. We can't help but speculate that Gorby's name may have been inspired by the chants during Gorbachev's June 1989 visit to West Germany.

Who wins the Loreus/Kabongo battle?

[polldaddy poll=7461522]


Today also sees the appearance of Sincere Shears, who should probably consider a hairdressing career. He'd be my go-to for frank barbershop conversation.

Shears is up against Twinkle Andress Cavanaugh. Twinkle is the president of the Alabama Public Service Commission, a regulatory agency that controls the rates of utilities including electricity.

Will Twinkle shine brightly enough to escape a Shears victory? Only YOU can decide!

[polldaddy poll=7461539]

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional, Round 1: #5 Twollie Vanderwerf vs. #12 NechoBeard, #4 Smokey Don Pipes vs. #13 Dreamius Smith

The Dragonwagon rumbles on. As usual, a reminder to follow us on Twitter.


#5 seed Twollie Vanderwerf hails from Minnesota. We know little else, but his name is fantastic, and we can only assume he's Tweety Bird's favorite entry in the tournament.

Twollie will have to fight off another one of those pesky college football players. Necho Beard, a defensive back for the University of Nevada, has made our field as a 12 seed despite only sporting a goatee, not a full beard. We'll give him half credit since we can assume that, as with most rational human beings, he enjoys nachos, thus living up to at least half of his name.

Will Twollie Vanderwerf trim Necho Beard? The poll is below.

[polldaddy poll=7458313]


The third name of the day seems to be picking up steam on the Twitters as a legitimate title hopeful. Unfortunately, Smokey Don Pipes is neither a jazz musician nor a gambling kingpin but rather a shooting suspect from Tulsa. Had Smokey been born in the 19th century, his name could've made put him on his way to becoming the fastest gun in the west. As it stands, he'll have to settle for being one of the strongest contenders in our field.

Smokey's first matchup pits him against Dreamius Smith, a University of West Viriginia running back and JuCo transfer. Dreamius started his career at Butler Community College in Kansas, but his Dreamius of playing Division I college Footballius was only deferred, as he arrived in Morgantown last year. His name may not be the most interesting entry in our field, but I urge to say it in a stock football announcer voice before writing him off completely.

Will Dreamius go up in smoke against Mr. Pipes? You decide.

[polldaddy poll=7458325]

Monday, October 7, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional, Round 1: #1 Dr. Suparman Marzuki vs. #16 DickieLee Hullinghorst, #8 Dusty Rust vs. #9 Blaze Caponegro

We've passed the halfway point of the first round of the 2013 Name of the Year tournament. As always, a reminder to follow us on Twitter for all pertinent updates.


Up first is a one seed with superheroic qualities. His name is Dr. Suparman Marzuki, and he is the head of Indonesia's Judicial Commission, which is tasked with overseeing judges and justices. Recent reports claimed Suparman gained the office through a shady backroom deal, though I like to thing he simply incinerated all of the other candidates with his laser vision.

Suparman is actually a fairly common name in Indonesia; the previous Judicial Commission chairman was himself named Eman Suparman. In scouring the Internet for Suparmans, we found the likes of Suparman Suparman, Suparman Widjaja, and the well-documented legend of Batman bin Suparman, whose actual existence we couldn't incontrovertibly prove.

Marzuki's opponent is Dickie Lee Hullinghorst, the Democratic House Leader of the Colorado House of Representatives. She's been quoted on a wide range of topics, including energy, voter reform, and education. We hoped she has used her downtime during the government shutdown to gather voter support (for NOTY, that is).

Will Dickie Lee serve as Kryptonite and pull the monumental upset over Suparman? The poll is below.

[polldaddy poll=7455796]


While we expect Suparman to roll, our second matchup of the day will be significantly closer. Once again, it's a matchup of one-time college athletes, and the betting line is even between football lettermen Dusty Rust and Blaze Caponegro.

Rust graduated from Louisiana Tech in 2011 after four years at linebacker. We can only assume he then rowed back to the heart of the bayou, where he now sits on a log all day, plays banjo, and writes songs about the magical adventures of his alter ego, Rusty Dust. While his full name is Durward Rust III, we'll allow him to go by Dusty, as it is a common nickname for Durwards everywhere.

As for Blaze, he continues to live the college life as a senior linebacker for the Temple Owls. Though Blaze is currently a starter, he has overcome a number of different physical issues to reach that role, including his undersized frame, a bout with mononucleosis, a shoulder surgery, and a bad stomach virus. Many of us would give in to these trials, but Blaze has a fire burning inside both his heart and his name. We wish him luck on the rest of the 2013 season, and we can only hope he one day meets Blake Blaze in a conflagration of fotballing prowess.

Who wins this tightly contested matchup? Dusty or Blaze? We await your vote.

[polldaddy poll=7455862]

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Sithole Regional Round 1 Results

This week:

#1 Baby Swinger defeated #16 Sander van der Linden, who put up a surprisingly good fight. I respect all you SvdL voters. Great name, tough odds.

#8 Octavia Sheepshanks had a strong showing against #9 Frostee Rucker, who received a chillier reception than we'd anticipated.

#5 Norman Conquest beat #12 California Amazing Red, a good sign that our readers paid attention in history class.

#4 running back Konockus Sashington flew past #13 defensive tackle Pearlie Graves for a victory.

In another surprisingly decisive matchup, #6 Pooky Amsterdam bested #11 Dr. Twigs Way.

In the biggest upset and by far the closest match we've seen yet, #14 Florence Fabricant squeaked by #3 Koovasky Zapata by a margin of only four votes.

#10 Syndric Steptoe upset #7 Montana Bencomo. Is Syndric a little underseeded? Maybe.

Finally, #2 McWisdom Badejo defeated #15 Baybars Hamzat.

We're spending next week in the Dragonwagon Regional. We've got some nail-biters on the horizon. Follow @NOTYtourney for updates.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Sithole Regional, Round 1: #7 Montana Bencomo vs. #10 Syndric Steptoe; #2 McWisdom Badejo vs. #15 Baybars Hamzat


Today's first matchup is a clash of football players. First up is running back Montana Bencomo, who ironically plays for New Mexico State. He's up against the far more aptly-named Syndric Steptoe, whose fleetness of foot led to a career as a wide receiver for the Edmonton Eskimos. Perhaps his name helped with those extra ten yards.

Like most football players, our contenders today each have two feet, but these two in particular have the same foot twice. This isn't a shitty joke about dancing carried too far (or it's not just that, anyway). Bencomo's got antibacchii; Steptoe rocks the trochees. It gives them their appeal.

Bencomo or Steptoe? Feel it, smell it, football!

[polldaddy poll=7445446]


Rounding out the Sithole, we've got Florida A&M center and presumed Scottish guru McWisdom Badejo. It's possible that his parents were shooting for a damning commentary on the state of higher education -- that said, the dollar menu never left anyone with years' worth of crippling debt. Badejo's opponent this week is Baybars Hamzat, who's got another one of those names you need to say aloud to really appreciate. It conjures an elephant in a yellow Tyvek suit, passed through a baby-talk filter.

[polldaddy poll=7445474]


That's the end of the Sithole, which means that we're halfway finished introducing our bracket. Round 1 voting for this week concludes at midnight on Sunday night. As always, follow us on Twitter for updates.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Sithole Regional, Round 1: #6 Pooky Amsterdam vs. #11 Dr. Twigs Way, #3Koovasky Zapata vs. #14 Florence Fabricant


Day three of the Sithole Regional's first round is underway. As a reminder, the best way to catch all Name of the Year-related town cryings is to follow us on Twitter.

Without further ado: The favorite in our first matchup of the day is six-seed Pooky Amsterdam. Pooky lends her fabulous first name to her company, PookyMedia, which makes award-winning machinima videos. Pooky is a big proponent of Second Life -- where, if she were really prone to flights of fancy, her avatar's name might be something like Janet Smith.

Unlike the many criminals and ne'er-do-wells included in our bracket, Pooky is both a great name and a likable person. When she appears in a YouTube video, the comments section fills with well-wishers. We love you too, Pooky!

Pooky's opponent is Dr. Twigs Way, whose gardening expertise (her books include Garden Gnomes: A History and Digging for Victory: Gardens and Gardening in Wartime Britain) raises the possibility that her fitting first name was not given to her at birth. Of course, optimists can spin a happier backstory, one where two parents with a love of horticulture name their daughter after a crucial element of their beloved backyard and end up smiling wide smiles when their little Twigs grows up to share their passions. If you're a 'glass half full' type, be my guest.

Given or changed, the name Dr. Twigs Way is fantastic and, as with Pooky, seems to be attached to a wonderful woman. Here she is giving an interview about one of her many areas of expertise, garden gnomes. So passionate! Maybe the latter of our two imagined origin stories is the more likely one after all.

So will Dr. Twigs Way keep this matchup in the realm of the real or will Pooky Amsterdam machinimate her way to a second life in the next round? Decide below.

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The highest seed in action today is #3 Koovasky Zapata. Koovasky was recently arrested along with some other creatively-named Houstonites, but a Soundclick page tells us his current passion is music production, where he has adopted the moniker DJ Skrewhead. At any rate, we hope Koovasky eventually finds his true calling and reinvents himself as an intimidating luchador with an Old Country-themed costume.

Koovasky's first round matchup pits him against 14-seed Florence Fabricant, longtime food critic for the New York Times. It's safe to assume she is quite familiar with the wonders of Italian cuisine, which is often created by Florentine fabricants.

Florence's pedigree certainly tops DJ Skrewhead's, but does her alliterative name follow suit? That's up to you.

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Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Sithole Regional, Round 1: #5 Norman Conquest vs. #12 CaliforniaAmazing Red, #4 Konockus Sashington vs. #13 Pearlie Graves


First up today we have Standard Grade Chemistry author Norman Conquest (his coauthor, Roddy Renfrew, has no slouch of a name either). We're guessing that Conquest gravitated toward the hard sciences after years of smarmy jokes from history teachers. Norman recalls 2011's Dr. Loveday Conquest, and we're pleased as ever to see a fresh take on an old surname.

Norman's up against California Amazing Red. You'd think that in a war of connotations, Norman Conquest would be a lock -- and indeed, his is certainly the strongest reference-based name in our bracket -- but "California Red" can be taken in at least four directions -- and that's without the "Amazing."

Will Norman conquer California?

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Today's second matchup starts with Konockus Sashington, running back for the University of North Texas Mean Green. It's fitting that Sashington is a college football player: of all the names in our bracket, his sounds most plausible as a fictional East-West Bowl competitor, somewhere between Blyrone Blashinton (Syracuse) and Sequester Grundelplith, M.D. (Adams State.)

Fittingly, Mr. Sashington is up against another college football player, Texas Tech defensive tackle Pearlie Graves, who we're sure will get some consolation for his lower seed from the fact that he plays in the Big 12, not Conference USA. The good people of Grantland, who put together a 2011-2012 College Football All-Name Team (which features fellow 2013 NOTY contenders Dusty Rust, Montana Bencomo, and Necho Beard), call Pearlie Graves "the darkest name in college football, a weird gothic take on 'pearly gates.' You don't go to heaven, man, you just go in the ground."

Who will prevail, the offense or the defense?

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