Monday, November 25, 2013

Leo Moses Spornstarr is Your 2013 Name of the Year

trophy

A champion has finally been named.

Okay, if you're into semantics, Leo Moses Spornstarr was named twenty-some years ago. But as a commenter pointed out, there is no prior Spornstarr line, no Spornstarr family crest, no awkward yearly gatherings of Spornstarrs. Our champ is a thoroughly modern creature, the product of the commendably egalitarian but hopelessly naive union of a Sporn and a Starr.

On second thought, perhaps it's a mistake to conjecture that the portmanteau was an accident. Who are we to assume that Leo's folks are anything other than delightfully droll jokesters who jumped at their one-in-a-million onomastic opportunity? Who are we to rule out the possibility that the hyphen-free mashup was a well-intentioned parenting tactic, a contemporary Boy-Named-Sue situation? Who are we, dear reader, to dismiss the idea that Ms. Sporn and Mr. Starr had ambitions for their son's performance in this very tournament -- which has after all been around longer than he has? However it came about, our Leo may be the only Spornstarr in the world. The only Spornstarr in history, even. We don't know if he has siblings.

Let's recap: the 2-seed out of the Chrotchtangle Regional manhandled #15 Junior Lomomba and crushed #7 Carlton Crunk. He dispatched upstart 14-seed Ram Amandeep in the Sweet Sixteen without much fuss, proving that the best way to take down a bawdy name is with another bawdy name. He brought down the top-seeded Fancy English, Jr. in the Elite Eight. In the final four, Smokey Don Pipes of the Dragonwagon went up in flames. And as of last night, Leo secured his place in the history books by vanquishing Bulltron powerhouse Pornsak Pongthong. Here's to you, Leo.

(Sidenote: the one-point margin in the poll is artificially close; the actual differential is closer to 60 votes. Our analytics show that a lone rogue voter tried to inflate Pornsak's score after midnight but before I closed the poll. Improbably and miraculously, I noticed just in time, with one vote left before the scales tipped. Ugly crisis of second-guessing legitimacy averted -- but don't do that, people. Play fair: one vote per voter.)

Aside from that unsavory hiccup, thank you all for following along, voting, and making our first shift at the helm of the tourney a rousing success. We'll be back for March Madness in 2014. Name on.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

2013 Name of the Year Title Match: Pornsak Pongthong vs. Leo MosesSpornstarr

2011-11_finalcountdown

Of course.

By our estimation McWisdom Badejo was an unlikely favorite, but he had a sizable cadre of supporters this round, nearly landing an upset against the fiercest Thai challenger this side of Ong-Bak. And Smokey Don Pipes, conqueror of Bossy-Nobs, had to grapple with giants to reach the summit of one of this year's most competitive regions. Both are great names.

But this is the Internet, and the Internet is for porn. You, voter, have provided compelling evidence for the truism - the guts and glory of the past months aside, the fact is that the two names out of our 64 which contain a certain four-letter string are the two names left standing by popular consensus. Of course they are.

Not that they don't deserve it. Pornsak and Spornstarr both have positively side-splitting names, and each has been shoved through a grueling onomastic wringer in his own region to emerge unscathed at the edge of the winner's circle. So here it is, folks: the climax, the money shot, the pairing we've all been waiting for. The most exciting moment of 2013, some might say.

On the left: Pornsak Pongthong, Sriracha FC defensive midfielder.
On the right: Leo Moses Spornstarr, aspiring actuary.

Which will be 2013's Name of the Year? The choice is yours.

[polldaddy poll=7581260]

Voting ends Sunday. Follow us on Twitter. Also, check out this statement from the original NOTY High Committee.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

NOTY: Under New Management


The NOTY High Committee is old.

That's the only explanation we can conjure for our rank abdication of this esteemed event, that which grounded our lives for more than a quarter century; which gave the world Barkevious MingoAssumption Bulltron, Honka Monka and Crescent Dragonwagon (who's in the news, by the way; her mom died); which brightened countless days; which lifted the hearts of a nation.

We dropped the ball in 2012, after a, um, let's just call it protracted 2011 NOTY Tournament. We weren't proud, of course. But we weren't feeling especially guilty either. It was a good run. Good runs come to an end.

We hoped, though, that someday, someone would emerge with the brains, desire, moxie and scrappitude to reraise the NOTY banner and carry it forward. And a couple of months ago, they did. Young Sam and Tom, pained by our disappearance, took it upon themselves to compile a 2013 NOTY Tournament bracket. We were notified by a friend at Deadspin, which Tom and Sam had smartly emailed, and we got in touch. We were flattered by their fealty. We were impressed with their writing, and their bracket. We approved of their cheeky but appropriately respectful land-grab. We turned over the keys to the kingdom: the email password. 

As the NOTY High Committee was born around the time JFK died, and as we approach the anniversary of that death, let us paraphrase his inaugural (as we did on Twitter a few weeks ago):

Let the NOTY word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation—born around 1990, tempered by Danger Guerrero, disciplined by Mummenschontz Bitterbeetle (invalidated) and Shalom Dreampeace, infatuated with Vanilla Dong, determined to manifest our Destiny Frankenstein—and unwilling to witness the slow undoing of those onomastic rights to which NOTY has always been committed, and to which we are committed today on the NOTY blog and around the internets.

As with most of our NOTY endeavors of recent years, this news comes late. NOTY 2013 is already down to a Final Four. So head on over to the new, though possibly temporary, site and vote. Once this year's champion is crowned—Pornsak Pongthong or McWisdom BadejoSmokey Don Pipes or Leo Moses Spornstarr—we'll get things merged and organized and ready to roll for 2014 and beyond.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Final Four: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo, #4 Smokey DonPipes vs. #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr



This is it. This is the week we've all been waiting for. The Final Four begins today, with the Final commencing on Thursday. GET HYPE...AND FOLLOW US ON TWITTER.

---

For a while, it seemed as if Pornsak Pongthong wouldn't make it past the monumental challenge of Yolanda Squatpump. Ultimately, he was able to outlast her and become the Bulltron Regional's Final Four representative. As the sole one seed remaining in the field, Pornsak has to be considered the odds-on favorite to emerge victorious.

That being said, each entrant in the Final Four has proved his name to be elite, and no favorite is safe. In order to make the final, Pornsak will have to get past McWisdom Badejo, who beat Baby Swinger in the Elite Eight and won the Sithole Regional. McWisdom has already toppled one top seed; will he make it two? Which athlete will prevail?

[polldaddy poll=7571894]

---

On the other side of the bracket, Smokey Don Pipes was able to move on thanks to the closest match of our tournament, which ended in a tie and had to be decided in a 90-minute overtime. Smokey Don's victory is a reminder that every vote counts. If our overtime voters had preferred Leila Bossy-Nobs' chuckle-inducing last name to her opponent's mellifluous moniker, the Frenchwoman would have completed an improbable run to the Final Four. Instead, Smokey Don represents the Dragonwagon Regional.

He is up against Leo Moses Spornstarr, who emerged victorious by a healthy margin over one-seed Fancy English, Jr. and will represent the Chrotchtangle Regional in the Final Four. Leo is one of three Final Four contestants aged 26 or younger; has NOTY become a young man's game? Will Leo's youth lead the way against the decidedly riper Smokey? You decide forthwith.

[polldaddy poll=7571922]

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Please Welcome Your 2013 Name of the Year Final Four

Wow.

It took four incredibly close battles, but we have our Final Four. One matchup came down to a single vote, and another was tied at midnight and had to be decided in overtime.

Pornsak Pongthong hadn't been remotely challenged before taking on Yolanda Squatpump, and early voting had him behind the Usual Suspects crew member. Not to be outdone, Pornsak pulled off a classic March Madness comeback (in November), stormed past Squatpump, and took the victory by 22 votes. He's the last one seed standing.

At our usual midnight endpoint, Smokey Don Pipes and Leila Bossy-Nobs were dead even. 230 votes for the Oklahoman criminal, 230 votes for the French scientist. By 1:30, Leila's vote count remained stagnant, but Smokey Don had picked up another four votes, garnering him the perhaps the most nail-biting, hard-won victory of the year and the chance to represent the Dragonwagon in the Final Four. Leila, you will be dearly missed.

Leo Moses Spornstarr had the most decisive victory of the Elite Eight, easily outpacing top seeded Fancy English, Jr. by a margin of 92 votes. We're sad to see Fancy go, but a penchant for impeccable grammar will hopefully live on.

Finally, basketball player McWisdom Badejo pulled off the NOTY version of a buzzer beater, topping Baby Swinger by a single vote. Badejo fans will cherish this victory for their entire lives, while Swinger supporters will hastily change the channel whenever the matchup is rebroadcast on ESPN Classic.

The Final Four will run from Monday to Thursday. On Friday, the final will begin. Right now we're planning on letting it run through Sunday, though perhaps we will extend it a couple days to be thorough. You can help us out by voting at this most critical moment.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Dragonwagon/Chrotchtangle Regionals, Elite Eight: #4 Smokey Don Pipesvs. #7 Leila Bossy-Nobs, #1 Fancy English, Jr. vs. #2 Leo MosesSpornstarr

med_false_teeth_pipe
--

We've got two potential nail-biters on today's docket, folks, as well we should; two coveted Final Four slots are on the line.

Repping the north side of the Dragonwagon: the soothing sounds of #4 Smokey Don Pipes, Oklahoma shooting suspect, who steamrolled Dr. Suparman Marzuki and Twollie Vanderwerf in past rounds. He's up against 7-seeded intergalactic warlord-queen Leila Bossy-Nobs, the nanoparticle researcher who vanquished Sincere Shears, Jackmeoff Mudd, and Fang Man. Each already has an impressive collection of trophies; which contestant will end the week on the other's mantelpiece?

[polldaddy poll=7554114]
--

Trouble's brewing down in the Chrotchtangle, as well. Top-seeded bank robber Fancy English, Jr. is a force to be reckoned with: more powerful than a Hurricane, tastier on the tongue than Waffles. Still, Leo Moses Spornstarr remains the man who claimed the bounty on rogue 14-seed Ram Amandeep. Don't be fooled by the low seeding -- Amandeep was a fan favorite, an anti-hero, a people's champion. Now he's a message: you don't mess with a Spornstarr.

[polldaddy poll=7554123]
--

That's it for this week. We'll give you until Sunday to vote for the winners. After that: the Final Four, then the title match. The end is nigh.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Bulltron/Sithole Regionals, Elite Eight: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #2Yolanda Squatpump, #1 Baby Swinger vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo



Well, after several weeks of upsets, scares, and near-misses, both the Bulltron and Sithole Regionals are now down to the top two seeds. Both are shaping up to be titanic struggles. As a reminder, we will post two matchups today, two tomorrow, and then give you guys the rest of the week to decide the Final Four. You've all done a great job so far (especially those of you who have followed us on Twitter.)

---

First up is our Clash of the Titans. It's our Duke vs. Kentucky, our Nimpson vs. Bloodsaw, our Goku vs. Vegeta, our Lincoln vs. Douglas. In one corner: Pornsak Pongthong, Thai football defender, #1 seed,  hotter than a plate of Pad Kee Mao. In the other: Yolanda Squatpump, ascendant challenger, The Usual Suspects makeup artist, and workout champion of the Bulltron. Only one of these names can reach the Final Four. Who will it be?

[polldaddy poll=7552035]

---

The Sithole regional's two titans are also set for an absolute dogfight. Baby Swinger looked dead in the water against Norman Conquest, but she managed to swing the voting in her favor as if it were a newborn child. Now, she faces her hardest test yet: McWisdom Badejo, who has rolled through three rounds without being significantly tested. Methinks he'll get his first challenge this week.

[polldaddy poll=7552059]

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Sweet Sixteen Results

We thinned our flock by half again this week. Gone are the lazy days of warmer months: the competition is getting fiercer as we separate ever more chaff from the wheat in search of the cream of this year's crop. If I could work in a fourth agricultural metaphor, I would.

In the Bulltron regional:

#1 Pornsak Pongthong smoked 13-seed Marijuana Warr. I've been waiting two rounds to make that joke. It feels anticlimactic.

#2 Yolanda Squatpump barreled through #6 Dr. David L. Dickensheets. Pongthong/Squatpump should be a banner match this week.

In the Sithole regional:

Top-seeded Baby Swinger was down at the beginning of the week but rallied in the end for a close come-from-behind victory over #5 Norman Conquest.

2-seed McWisdom Badejo defeated #6 Pooky Amsterdam.

The Dragonwagon Regional was full of upsets:

#4 Smokey Don Pipes took down 1-seed Dr. Suparman Marzuki like a dimebag of Kryptonite. I am elated.

7-seeded Leila Bossy-Nobs' momentum hasn't let up one bit; challenger #3 Sincere Shears fell far short of securing a place in the Elite Eight.

In the Chrotchtangle regional:

Top-seeded Fancy English, Jr. overcame #4 Fitzroy Waffley without much trouble.

In another come-from-behind victory, #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr dispatched 14-seed Ram Amandeep. Don't scare me like that again.

There are no longer enough matches per round to fill an entire week. We'll continue apace with the Elite Eight -- two matchups tomorrow and two on Tuesday -- but then we'll leave you until the end of the week to get your votes in. As always, keep up with us on Twitter.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Fancy English, Jr. vs. #4Fitzroy Waffley, #14 Ram Amandeep vs. #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr

moses-11

The first of the Sweet Sixteen survivors in the Chrotchtangle is Fancy English, Jr., who knocked over a North Carolina bank in the seventies. In my mind's eye, Fancy was the most genteel bank robber ever to hit the American South. He's up against another noble name, Sir Fitzroy Waffley (he's not actually a knight), who edged out Mister Love in the last round. Which will advance to the Elite Eight?

[polldaddy poll=7541952]
--

Meanwhile, Ram Amandeep has come far; he's fresh off of two consecutive upsets. We admit he's got pluck for a 14-seed. But his time may have run out; #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr tolerates no false idols.

[polldaddy poll=7541947]

And that's the end of the Sweet Sixteen -- we're really getting down to the nitty gritty, people. Polls close on Sunday night as usual.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Dr. Suparman Marzuki vs. #4Smokey Don Pipes, #3 Sincere Shears vs. #10 Leila Bossy-Nobs


We're halfway through the Sweet Sixteen! That was fast. Here's our Twitter.

---

Four seed Smokey Don Pipes may be the nominal underdog in our first matchup of the day, but the Oklahoman has looked like a top contender through two rounds. After a round one walk, he pasted Twollie Vanderwerf last week in a one-sided wout. His Sweet Sixteen opponent, Dr. Suparman Marzuki, took down Dusty Rust in his last matchup, but the Indonesian politician is in for a dogfight this time around. I'm half-expecting him to fly backwards around the Earth a couple times so he can spam the site with votes for Twollie.

[polldaddy poll=7539797]

---

Elsewhere, Leila Bossy-Nobs will try to become the first double digit seed to make this year's Elite Eight after her shocking defeat of Jackmeoff Mudd. I'm on the record as a huge fan of hers, so I'm glad to see her spring a pair of upsets. That being said, I won't be unhappy if she falls to Sincere Shears, who won a tough battle last round against strong six seed Gorby Loreus. May the best name win.

[polldaddy poll=7539821]

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Sithole Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Baby Swinger vs. #5 NormanConquest, #6 Pooky Amsterdam vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo

bmyoga00973994

The mensches over at the Filmdrunk Frotcast, who've been following along with our game, commented a while ago that the Sithole was the weakest region of the bracket. This is becoming clearer as we separate the wheat from the chaff. We're not losing sleep over it; no bracket is perfectly balanced.

Starting off the Sithole Sweet Sixteen is Baby Swinger, who took out Octavia Sheepshanks without much fuss. She's up against Norman Conquest, who last round upset Konockus Sashington, a name I still have trouble saying with a straight face. Who wins?

[polldaddy poll=7534690]
--

Elsewhere, McWisdom Badejo's rout of Syndric Steptoe was unexpectedly decisive; I thought Syndric had more fight in him. He'll probably have a harder time with Pooky Amsterdam, who's got some solid momentum.

[polldaddy poll=7534692]
--

See you tomorrow in the Dragonwagon. Twittah.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Bulltron Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #13Marijuana Warr, #6 David L. Dickensheets vs. #2 Yolanda Squatpump



We began with 64 names. Now there are sixteen. By the end of this week, we will cut that number in half. As always, our Twitter will have all pertinent updates.

---

Top seed Pornsak Pongthong strolled past another opponent in Round 2. Bak Bak couldn't slow down our Thai juggernaut; can Marijuana Warr? The woman who beat Narnia Overall in round 2 has a chance to make it 3 upsets in 3 rounds, but she'll lose a lot of the sophomoric vote this time around.

[polldaddy poll=7532042]

---

The other half of the Bulltron Sweet Sixteen features Dr. David L. Dickensheets against Yolanda Squatpump. Dickensheets did well to win his doctor fight against Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D., but Yolanda is a woman on a mission. With two blowouts under her belt, she seems destined for a pitched Elite Eight battle against Mr. Pongthong. Still, she must be careful of a classic trap name in the Sweet Sixteen. Dr. Dickensheets is the clear underdog, but he's a much stronger contender than Mrs. Squatpump's round 2 victim, Ursula A. Hofacker. The doctor must not be taken lightly.

[polldaddy poll=7532053]

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Dragonwagon/Chrotchtangle Round 2 Results, Updated Bracket

Click to enlarge.
Click to enlarge.

First order of business: the battlefield has grown bloodier since we began Round 2. The survivors are shown above.

Here's the Dragonwagon postgame:

Top-seeded Dr. Suparman Marzuki vanquished another foe. Another one bites the Dusty Rust.

#4 Don Pipes smoked his competition, 5-seed Twollie Vanderwerf. Happy twails, Twollie.

6-seed Gorby Loreus was toppled by #3
Boris YeltsinSincere Shears.

Finally, 7-seed Leila Bossy-Nobs upset 2-seed Jackmeoff Mudd. Sam and I are actually ecstatic about this. Given the strength of the voter response to easy grins like Ram Amandeep and Marijuana Warr, we had feared at the beginning that Jackmeoff might win his region (and perhaps the entire tourney) with a bullet. This week, you proved you're better than that. You did it, you guys. We did it.

In the Chrotch:

1-seed Fancy English, Jr. rocked Mr. Weathers like a Hurricane.

14-seed Ram Amandeep, purveyor of the grins mentioned above, upset 11-seed Magnus Moan.

In the week's closest matchup, #4 Fitzroy Waffley squeaked by upstart 12-seed Mister Love.

Finally, 2-seed Leo Moses Spornstarr won out over #7 Carlton Crunk.

Sweet Sixteen tomorrow. Get ready.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional Round 2: #11 Magnus Moan vs. #14 RamAmandeep, #7 Carlton Crunk vs. #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr

Lil+Jon+-+Crunk+Juice+-+DOUBLE+CD-413895

There's a lot to love at the bottom of the Chrotchtangle this round. The first match is a tale of two upsets: Olympic skier Magnus Moan defeated Skylar Stormo in Round 1, while #14 upstart Ram Amandeep took out 3-seed Champion Jointer. Real talk: the deciding factor in this round will be a question of how many people are still wringing cheap chuckles out of Ram Amandeep.

[polldaddy poll=7522070]
--

The final Round 2 runoff sees Leo Moses Spornstarr facing his first real competition in the form of Carlton Crunk. Both names are winners, but one must lose. Who will it be?

[polldaddy poll=7522080]
--

The Sweet Sixteen begins next week. Follow us on Twitter!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional Round 2: #1 Fancy English, Jr. vs. #9 HurricaneWeathers, #12 Mister Love vs. #4 Fitzroy Waffley



It was a dark and stormy night...for Fancy English, Jr., at least. The Chrotchtangle Regional's #1 seed is in for a rainy, windy battle against #9 seed Hurricane Weathers. Fancy's victory over Patron Steele was little more than a formality, but he's now up for a real challenge against the Florida man who vanquished Sparkle McKnight. Go on, Fancy. Make dad proud.

[polldaddy poll=7519582]

---

In our second matchup, Mister Love will try to become the second double-digit seed to book a place in the Sweet Sixteen. Mr. Love is not quite 2009 frontrunner Nutritious Love, but he's set for a potentially deep run after knocking off Bonanza Sharp in Round 1. Of course, he'll have to get past Fitzroy Waffley, who comfortably strolled past Mythius Gaither in his last matchup and still has the word "waffle" embedded in his last name.

[polldaddy poll=7519595]

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional Round 2: #6 Gorby Loreus vs. #3 SincereShears, #10 Leila Bossy-Nobs vs. #2 Jackmeoff Mudd

Screen Shot 2013-10-28 at 7.05.19 PM

This week, DragWag 3-seed Sincere Shears is up against erstwhile Middle Tennessee defensive end Gorby Loreus (#6). Shears is ranked higher, but the marvelous mellifluity of Gorby Loreus makes an upset a very real possibility. Who will go on?

[polldaddy poll=7515275]
--

Today's other matchup should also be contentious. Leila Bossy-Nobs' first-round rout of Fang Man, who had the support of the commentariat, indicates that she may have further victories in store -- even against a heavy such as #2 Jackmeoff Mudd, whose margin of victory over 15-seed Onochie Ochie could be seen as surprisingly slim. Are Leila's nobs bossy enough?

[polldaddy poll=7515279]
--

Tomorrow, we Chrotchtangle. Tweet at us.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional Round 2: #1 Dr. Suparman Marzuki vs. #8 DustyRust; #5 Twollie Vanderwerf vs. #4 Smokey Don Pipes



Just 24 names remain in the 2013 Name of the Year tournament. By the end of this week, we will be down to 16.

Another top seed is under fire as Dr. Suparman Marzuki moves past his triumph over Dickie Lee Hullinghorst to battle Dusty Rust, the dispatcher of Blaze Caponegro. Suparman has few weaknesses, but Mr. Rust may be able to exploit one of them if his dust happens to be of the crushed-up kryptonite variety. Can the Louisianian college football player pull the upset?


[polldaddy poll=7512520]

---

Elsewhere, Smokey Don Pipes will look to follow up his commanding round one victory over Dreamius Smith by taking out Twollie Vanderwerf.  Smokey Don seems like an awfully strong four seed at this point; he's the 2013 Michigan Wolverines of our bracket. Twollie, who previously outlasted Necho Beard, is simply a Minnesota man whose name was submitted by his wife. He may not have the bravado of his opponent, but he has the modest backstory needed to spin a textbook David vs. Goliath tale.

[polldaddy poll=7512526]

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Bulltron/Sithole Round 2 Results

We're picking up the pace and kicking up the bass here at NOTY headquarters. Two regions down, two to go in the second round of the tourney.

In the Bulltron:

1-seed Pornsak Pongthong continues to rip through his competition like a machine, leaving nothing more of #8 Bak Bak than a plaintive squawk and a cloud of feathers.

#13 Marijuana Warr chalked up another upset, this time against 5-seed Narnia Overall. Apparently stoners have stronger numbers in our readership than C.S. Lewis fans do.

#6 David L. Dickensheets won the doctor fight! Sorry, #3 Skyhawk Fadigan.

Powerhouse 2-seed Yolanda Squatpump made short work of #10 Ursula A. Hofacker. We should be in for a doozy of an Elite Eight match if Pongthong and Squatpump both make it past the next round.

In the Sithole:

#1 Baby Swinger bested #8 Octavia Sheepshanks, although Sheepshanks put up a good fight.

#5 Norman Conquest narrowly upset 4-seed Konockus Sashington. Conquest/Swinger should be tight.

#6 Pooky Amsterdam beat upstart 14-seed Florence Fabricant in a clean three-to-one sweep.

2-seed McWisdom Badejo roundly trounced #10 Syndric Steptoe.

This week: Fraggin' in the Dragonwagon! Tangle in the Chrotch! Tune in via Twitter.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Sithole Regional Round 2: #6 Pooky Amsterdam vs. #14 Florence Fabricant; #10 Syndric Steptoe vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo

steptoe

It's the battle of the European cities today with Amsterdam taking on Florence in the first matchup. Pooky, the 6-seed, is fresh off a rout of Dr. Twigs Way, but upstart 14-seed Fabricant is looking for blood after her photo finish against #3 Koovasky Zapata. FloFab is one of only two 14-seeds to make it to round 2 (the other is fan favorite Ram Amandeep). But can she put a stop to the unyielding momentum of Pooky Amsterdam?

[polldaddy poll=7502890]

--

Today's second matchup also pits a low-seeded upset winner against a relative heavy, though in neither case is the outcome a foregone conclusion. The bottom of the Sithole sees McWisdom Badejo facing off against fellow athlete Syndric Steptoe. Steptoe's already-pleasing name becomes funnier when you consider that as a receiver he's undoubtedly done a lot of toe-stepping by the sidelines of the football field. Meanwhile, McWisdom is named McWisdom.

Who wins?

[polldaddy poll=7502895]
--

As always, voting ends Sunday at midnight, so cast your ballots before then.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Sithole Regional Round 2: #1 Baby Swinger vs. #8 OctaviaSheepshanks; #5 Norman Conquest vs. #4 Konockus Sashington



As previously noted, your Tweets make us happy.

The Sithole Regional enters its second round today with two matchups we expect to be awfully close. On paper, top seed Baby Swinger seems like a clear favorite, but  8-seed Octavia Sheepshanks dispatched her first round opponent with a wider margin of victory. Even so, Ms. Swinger has the much splashier name. While she is twirling toddlers, chucking children, and yanking around youths, take a minute to make sure you don't pass over consideration of Ms. Sheepshanks.

[polldaddy poll=7500425]

---

Up next is our first 4 vs. 5 tussle of the tournament. Your choice in this matchup says a lot about the class of names you enjoy. Nominal favorite Konockus Sashington thrives on a ridiculous jumble of letters and a name that is incredibly fun to say out loud. Norman Conquest, on the other hand, is the perfect choice for those who prefer names that tell stories (or, in this case, deliver history lessons). It's a run-and-gun offense against a tight, disciplined full-court press. Who will you choose?

[polldaddy poll=7500449]

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Bulltron Regional Round 2: #6 Dr. David L. Dickensheets vs. #3 Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D.; #10 Ursula A. Hofacker vs. #2 Yolanda Squatpump

Listen up, y'all, you're about to witness something many men don't see in a lifetime. Button your britches, circle the wagons and bring out the bubbly: we done got ourselves a doctor fight.

In one corner: David L. Dickensheets, infectious disease specialist. In the other: Skyhawk Fadigan, family practitioner. Who will live to battle another day?

[polldaddy poll=7496671]
--

The final Bulltron matchup this round begins with Ursula A. Hofacker, chemistry lecturer. She'll be facing Usual Suspects makeup artist Yolanda Squatpump. No matter who wins, we're going to see a vowel-heavy woman facing somebody with a medical degree next round.

[polldaddy poll=7496674]

The fun part of the tournament is getting underway -- champions have emerged from the fold, making for more heated matchups. Follow us on Twitter for all the action as it develops.

Updated Bracket / Round 1 Casualty Report

By popular demand, we've put together an updated bracket that shows who's been eliminated and who's still in the game. It's below -- click it for a larger version. We'll post one of these at the end of each round.

Click to enlarge.
Click to enlarge.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Bulltron Regional Round 2: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #8 Bak Bak, #5 Narnia Overall vs. #13 Marijuana Warr

Round two is here! 32 names have been vanquished, but 32 champions can say they are five victories away from a Name of the Year title. Who will emerge as The One?

Perhaps it will be Pornsak Pongthong, the Thai footballer who vanquished Genius Dexter. His next opponent is University of California basketball player Bak Bak, who I'd guess is Chris Berman's favorite candidate. The matchup is below.

[polldaddy poll=7493068]

---

Elsewhere, Narnia Overall is up against Marijuana Warr, who was one of the first round's upset victors. It's Warr vs. wardrobe, and it's up for your consideration.

[polldaddy poll=7493094]

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional Round 1 Results

After chalk ruled the Dragonwagon, the Chrotchtangle was marked by upsets left and right.

As we expected, #16 Patron Steele was no match for #1 Fancy English, Jr.

#9 Hurricane Weathers stormed past #8 Sparkle McKnight

#12 Mister Love pulled a comfortable upset over #5 Bonanza Sharp.

#4 Fitzroy Waffley closed his iron on #13 Mythius Gaither.

#11 Magnus Moan also emerged from his matchup as an upset victor, defeating #6 Skylar Stormo

#14 Ram Amandeep pulled off one final upset, dropping #3 Champion Jointer. We really think you guys got that one wrong.

#7 Carlton Crunk topped #10 Flavius Walter Winsted. YEAH!

The last matchup of the first round was also the most decisive. Poor #15 Junior Lomomba barely managed to reach a double-digit vote count as he was absolutely pantsed by #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr. Leo looks to be a strong contender going into round 2, which begins tomorrow in the Bulltron.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional Round 1: #7 Carlton Crunk vs. #10 Flavius Walter Winsted, #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr vs. #15 Junior Lomomba

carlton-banks

We like it when you tweet at us.

Today's contestants are the last of this year's crop; from here, the playing field will only narrow.

First up is Carlton Crunk of Texas. We don't know much about Carlton. With any luck, he wears a mullet -- his name puts business in the front and party in the back. Personally, I can't get over the image of one of TV's most buttoned-up characters blowing off steam. A lot of steam.

Crunk is up against Maryland motorcycle thief Flavius Walter Winsted. Say it with me: Flavius Walter Winsted, Roman emperor on a stolen bike.

Carlton or FWW FTW?

[polldaddy poll=7484265]

--

As Sam mentioned yesterday, we at NOTY are flooded with emails, tweets, and suggestions that point us to names that amount to little more than obvious sex jokes -- your Dick Pounds, your B.J. Cummings, your Long Wangs. We've become numb to this sort of easy gag; it takes something special for a dirty name to bring light to our jaded eyes. In this regard, Northwestern Wildcat Leo Moses Spornstarr has all the right intangibles. Innocuous start, religious figure, and then BOOM. It sneaks up on you.

Spornstarr's opponent is Viking-turned-Friar Junior Lomomba. Junior, who plays small forward on the Providence College basketball team, is actually a sophomore. He's "known as a physical player and strong on-ball defender." On both these fronts, we can't help but ask: more than a Spornstarr?

[polldaddy poll=7484271]
--

With that, we've officially introduced all our contenders. As always, voting ends Sunday at midnight. Next week, we'll get started on Round 2, beginning in the Bulltron. Name on!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional, Round 1: #6 Skylar Stormo vs. #11 MagnusMoan, #3 Champion Jointer vs. #14 Ram Amandeep



Our apologies for the slightly late post today. To make it up, here's a picture of some baby platypuses to go along with our regular Twitter reminder.

---

Two alliterative titans battle in our first matchup of the day. Six seed Skylar Stormo recently graduated from Washington State University, where he was a starting defensive end on the football team. Skylar played 36 games in his first three years before leaving the team as a senior. We're not sure why Skylar chose to call it quits, though  we presume he was too busy saving the world (or plotting to destroy it). As far as meteorological monikers go, Hurricane Weathers is nice, but we applaud Skylar's parents for not cheating and creatively pairing an existing first name with his rainy bloodline.

Skylar is up against Magnus Moan. Magnus is our second entrant from Norway. A Lillehammer native, he picked up two medals at the 2006 Turin Olympics for his exploits as a Nordic combined skier. We would've fancied him a weightlifter, but it doesn't matter. We're cuckoo about his name, and you should be, too.

Will Skylar Stormo or Magnus Moan move on? The poll is open!

[polldaddy poll=7481379]

---

Up next is 3 seed Champion Jointer of Tennessee. He is not an antiquated woodworking device but rather a music executive who "manage[s] some of the hottest upcoming Indie Artists out of the Mid South." No matter his place in the world, Champion should always rest easy knowing that there is no one out there who joints better than he does.

His opponent is Ram Amandeep, a New York City cabbie who we hope spends his time cruising for fares in the Meatpacking District. Ram is another candidate gaining steam among the people, but there's a reason we made him a 14 seed. We get it. His name is also a description of penetrative anal sex. But there's more to life than lewd, sophomoric jokes, right? Plus, that's what we have Pornsak Pongthong for.

We have vowed to stay as impartial as possible, but I must openly root for Champion Jointer. Whether you agree with me or wish to defy my executive preference by choosing Ram Amandeep, you can exercise your right to vote below.

[polldaddy poll=7481383]

Monday, October 14, 2013

Chrotchtangle Regional, Round 1: #1 Fancy English, Jr. vs. #16 Patron Steele, #8 Sparkle McKnight vs. #9 Hurricane Weathers

named-hurricane-fran

We're ready for the start!

(Psst...follow us on Twitter)

(*ahem*)

Aaaaand they're off in the Chrotchtangle!

We begin today with our final one seed, North Carolina resident Fancy English Jr. We couldn't find a ton of information on Junior, but a 40 year old newspaper article and a more recent wedding notice for his son confirm his existence. Unfortunately, that son's name is DeVane, not Fancy III; perhaps Fancy knew when choosing a name that his son was destined to split too many infinitives or dangle too many participles to properly carry on the Fancy English line.

Little English's first round opponent is Patron Steele of Ohio. Your mileage may vary on this one. If you believe Mr. Steele's first name is pronounced Pay-trin, you may not be so impressed. If you instead think Patron is pronounced like the tequila brand, he then continues a long Name of the Year tradition of contestants named after types of liquor. We've previously sung the praises of 2005 champion Tanqueray Beavers and 2011 runner-up Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson. Patron isn't on that level, but he's in the building.

Will Fancy English Jr. properly dot his i's and cross his t's against Patron Steele? The choice is yours.

[polldaddy poll=7474010]

---

The last of our 8 vs. 9 slugfests pits Sparkle McKnight against Hurricane Weathers. Sparkle, the slightly higher seed, is a recent grad of the University of Arkansas, where she dazzled as one of the state's best sprinters. During the 2013 season, her Razorbacks were one of the best teams in the country, and she picked up a national championship as one of the four legs of a triumphant 4x400 relay squad. Her quest to add a Name of the Year victory to her impressive resume begins now.

As for Hurricane, he reportedly lives in Florida, where hurricane weathers are somewhat of a status quo. I don't think that makes his name any less exciting.

Can Hurricane Weathers storm past Sparkle McKnight, or will the sprinter shine? Decide below.

[polldaddy poll=7474012]

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional Round 1 Results

We had kind of a boring week in the Dragonwagon Regional. There were no upsets; everything went strictly by the book. We'll chalk it up to our excellent seeding choices in this quadrant.

#1 Dr. Suparman Marzuki dealt swift justice to #16 Dickie Lee Hullinghorst.

#8 Dusty Rust outshone #9 Blaze Caponegro.

In this week's closest match, #5 Twollie Vanderwerf barely edged out #12 Necho Beard.

#4 Smokey Don Pipes ran roughshod over #13 Dreamius Smith.

#6 Gorby Loreus handily dispatched strong 11-seed Myck Kabongo. Mr. Kabongo, you'll be missed.

#3 Sincere Shears tore through #14 Twinkle Cavanaugh.

Despite vocal support for the underdog, 7-seed Leila Bossy-Nobs (aka Kelis) defanged #10 Fang Man. DEM NOBS.

Finally, #2 Jackmeoff Mudd beat off his challenger, #15 Onochie Ochie.

Stay with us! Tomorrow, we make our way down to the Chrotch, where things really get exciting. As always, follow us on Twitter for updates.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional, Round 1: #7 Leila Bossy-Nobs vs. #10 Fang Man, #2Jackmeoff Mudd vs. #15 Onochie Ochie



Obligatory Twitter plug.

---

I begin today's slate with a confession: Out of all the names in our feed, only one cracks me up every time I say it out loud. That name isn't any of our #1 seeds, nor is it Sheepshanks or Spornstarr or Squatpump (OK, fine, Squatpump fits that bill as well). Nay, the name that causes me the most regular giggle fits is none other than Dragonwagon #7 Leila Bossy-Nobs. I couldn't tell you why the ostensibly French biomedical engineer's name makes me snigger like a fourth grader, but reading her name makes me cover my mouth so the other patrons of whatever cafe/library/sandwich shop I'm in won't realize just how much of a weirdo I actually am.

At any rate, whenever I think kids these days are too compliant with their nobs, I turn to Leila. Wear those Bossy-Nobs with pride, girl!

Leila is fighting a tough battle this week. Her opponent is Fang Man, who is neither fanged nor a man. Instead, she is a Chinese-born composer who has been described "inventive and breathtaking" by the New York Times. Judging from Twitter, several of you are similarly impressed with Mrs. Man, making her a prime upset candidate. I'll admit that I'm not so bullish on her, since I'd guess there are several Fang Men gnashing their teeth all over China. Of course, should your votes declare her the winner, I will have to shut up and deal.

Will Fang Man give Leila Bossy-Nobs a fatal bite? Decide below.

[polldaddy poll=7464528]

---

Our second matchup of the day begins with two seed Jackmeoff Mudd. There are two possible realities for how Jackmeoff came to possess his masturbatory first name, and I'm not sure which one I like better. In one timeline, Jackmeoff is the son of the two worst parents in the world, who give him a brutal name perhaps as a way of hardening him for the harsh realities of the life. In the other scenario, he legally changes his name to have it become an expression of how few fucks he gives. While we generally frown upon name changes, a man willing to change his name to Jackmeoff possesses enough Insanity Wolf to make us admire his fearlessness.

In contrast to Jackmeoff's intimidating glare, his opponent's press photo displays a wide, bright smile. 15 seed Onochie Ochie is the son of two professors, a regular churchgoer, and a college basketball player who chose to attend Southeastern Louisiana because of its "great family atmosphere". Add an immensely fun name to the profile, and you get a young man whom I would definitely choose to hang out with over his opponent. I'll even forgive him for being a Miami Heat fan.

Will Jackmeoff reach his climax against Onochie? That's up to you.

[polldaddy poll=7464531]

As usual, voting ends on Sunday. Tell your friends!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional, Round 1: #6 Gorby Loreus vs. #11 Myck Kabongo, #3 Sincere Shears vs. #14 Twinkle Cavanaugh

Jaguar_Zebra_Striped_JagART_Shears

By our estimation, today's matchup of former Middle Tennessee linebacker Gorby Loreus against recent San Antonio Spurs signee Myck Kabongo just might be the toughest of our whole tournament. We've been arguing about it since we first drew up the bracket; I think I've switched sides more than once.

Our competitors have a lot of common, at least on the field of name. Both are athletes. Both need to be said aloud to maximize the joy they evoke. And both are perfect names -- there's nothing more you can ask of a name like Gorby Loreus or Myck Kabongo, no slight tweak that would improve them.

Originally a Canadian, Kabongo went undrafted in the 2013 NBA draft; he signed last month with San Antonio and will likely play with the Austin Toros, a Spurs-affiliated D-League team. We really hope his favorite N64 title was Banjo-Kazooie.

The most salient point about Loreus is that he entered college in 2008, meaning he would have been born around the time Mikhail Gorbachev was coming to power in the USSR. We can't help but speculate that Gorby's name may have been inspired by the chants during Gorbachev's June 1989 visit to West Germany.

Who wins the Loreus/Kabongo battle?

[polldaddy poll=7461522]

--

Today also sees the appearance of Sincere Shears, who should probably consider a hairdressing career. He'd be my go-to for frank barbershop conversation.

Shears is up against Twinkle Andress Cavanaugh. Twinkle is the president of the Alabama Public Service Commission, a regulatory agency that controls the rates of utilities including electricity.

Will Twinkle shine brightly enough to escape a Shears victory? Only YOU can decide!

[polldaddy poll=7461539]

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional, Round 1: #5 Twollie Vanderwerf vs. #12 NechoBeard, #4 Smokey Don Pipes vs. #13 Dreamius Smith



The Dragonwagon rumbles on. As usual, a reminder to follow us on Twitter.

---

#5 seed Twollie Vanderwerf hails from Minnesota. We know little else, but his name is fantastic, and we can only assume he's Tweety Bird's favorite entry in the tournament.

Twollie will have to fight off another one of those pesky college football players. Necho Beard, a defensive back for the University of Nevada, has made our field as a 12 seed despite only sporting a goatee, not a full beard. We'll give him half credit since we can assume that, as with most rational human beings, he enjoys nachos, thus living up to at least half of his name.

Will Twollie Vanderwerf trim Necho Beard? The poll is below.

[polldaddy poll=7458313]

---

The third name of the day seems to be picking up steam on the Twitters as a legitimate title hopeful. Unfortunately, Smokey Don Pipes is neither a jazz musician nor a gambling kingpin but rather a shooting suspect from Tulsa. Had Smokey been born in the 19th century, his name could've made put him on his way to becoming the fastest gun in the west. As it stands, he'll have to settle for being one of the strongest contenders in our field.

Smokey's first matchup pits him against Dreamius Smith, a University of West Viriginia running back and JuCo transfer. Dreamius started his career at Butler Community College in Kansas, but his Dreamius of playing Division I college Footballius was only deferred, as he arrived in Morgantown last year. His name may not be the most interesting entry in our field, but I urge to say it in a stock football announcer voice before writing him off completely.

Will Dreamius go up in smoke against Mr. Pipes? You decide.

[polldaddy poll=7458325]

Monday, October 7, 2013

Dragonwagon Regional, Round 1: #1 Dr. Suparman Marzuki vs. #16 DickieLee Hullinghorst, #8 Dusty Rust vs. #9 Blaze Caponegro



We've passed the halfway point of the first round of the 2013 Name of the Year tournament. As always, a reminder to follow us on Twitter for all pertinent updates.

---

Up first is a one seed with superheroic qualities. His name is Dr. Suparman Marzuki, and he is the head of Indonesia's Judicial Commission, which is tasked with overseeing judges and justices. Recent reports claimed Suparman gained the office through a shady backroom deal, though I like to thing he simply incinerated all of the other candidates with his laser vision.

Suparman is actually a fairly common name in Indonesia; the previous Judicial Commission chairman was himself named Eman Suparman. In scouring the Internet for Suparmans, we found the likes of Suparman Suparman, Suparman Widjaja, and the well-documented legend of Batman bin Suparman, whose actual existence we couldn't incontrovertibly prove.

Marzuki's opponent is Dickie Lee Hullinghorst, the Democratic House Leader of the Colorado House of Representatives. She's been quoted on a wide range of topics, including energy, voter reform, and education. We hoped she has used her downtime during the government shutdown to gather voter support (for NOTY, that is).

Will Dickie Lee serve as Kryptonite and pull the monumental upset over Suparman? The poll is below.

[polldaddy poll=7455796]

---

While we expect Suparman to roll, our second matchup of the day will be significantly closer. Once again, it's a matchup of one-time college athletes, and the betting line is even between football lettermen Dusty Rust and Blaze Caponegro.

Rust graduated from Louisiana Tech in 2011 after four years at linebacker. We can only assume he then rowed back to the heart of the bayou, where he now sits on a log all day, plays banjo, and writes songs about the magical adventures of his alter ego, Rusty Dust. While his full name is Durward Rust III, we'll allow him to go by Dusty, as it is a common nickname for Durwards everywhere.

As for Blaze, he continues to live the college life as a senior linebacker for the Temple Owls. Though Blaze is currently a starter, he has overcome a number of different physical issues to reach that role, including his undersized frame, a bout with mononucleosis, a shoulder surgery, and a bad stomach virus. Many of us would give in to these trials, but Blaze has a fire burning inside both his heart and his name. We wish him luck on the rest of the 2013 season, and we can only hope he one day meets Blake Blaze in a conflagration of fotballing prowess.

Who wins this tightly contested matchup? Dusty or Blaze? We await your vote.

[polldaddy poll=7455862]

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Sithole Regional Round 1 Results

This week:

#1 Baby Swinger defeated #16 Sander van der Linden, who put up a surprisingly good fight. I respect all you SvdL voters. Great name, tough odds.

#8 Octavia Sheepshanks had a strong showing against #9 Frostee Rucker, who received a chillier reception than we'd anticipated.

#5 Norman Conquest beat #12 California Amazing Red, a good sign that our readers paid attention in history class.

#4 running back Konockus Sashington flew past #13 defensive tackle Pearlie Graves for a victory.

In another surprisingly decisive matchup, #6 Pooky Amsterdam bested #11 Dr. Twigs Way.

In the biggest upset and by far the closest match we've seen yet, #14 Florence Fabricant squeaked by #3 Koovasky Zapata by a margin of only four votes.

#10 Syndric Steptoe upset #7 Montana Bencomo. Is Syndric a little underseeded? Maybe.

Finally, #2 McWisdom Badejo defeated #15 Baybars Hamzat.

We're spending next week in the Dragonwagon Regional. We've got some nail-biters on the horizon. Follow @NOTYtourney for updates.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Sithole Regional, Round 1: #7 Montana Bencomo vs. #10 Syndric Steptoe; #2 McWisdom Badejo vs. #15 Baybars Hamzat

mcdonalds

Today's first matchup is a clash of football players. First up is running back Montana Bencomo, who ironically plays for New Mexico State. He's up against the far more aptly-named Syndric Steptoe, whose fleetness of foot led to a career as a wide receiver for the Edmonton Eskimos. Perhaps his name helped with those extra ten yards.

Like most football players, our contenders today each have two feet, but these two in particular have the same foot twice. This isn't a shitty joke about dancing carried too far (or it's not just that, anyway). Bencomo's got antibacchii; Steptoe rocks the trochees. It gives them their appeal.

Bencomo or Steptoe? Feel it, smell it, football!

[polldaddy poll=7445446]

--

Rounding out the Sithole, we've got Florida A&M center and presumed Scottish guru McWisdom Badejo. It's possible that his parents were shooting for a damning commentary on the state of higher education -- that said, the dollar menu never left anyone with years' worth of crippling debt. Badejo's opponent this week is Baybars Hamzat, who's got another one of those names you need to say aloud to really appreciate. It conjures an elephant in a yellow Tyvek suit, passed through a baby-talk filter.

[polldaddy poll=7445474]

--

That's the end of the Sithole, which means that we're halfway finished introducing our bracket. Round 1 voting for this week concludes at midnight on Sunday night. As always, follow us on Twitter for updates.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Sithole Regional, Round 1: #6 Pooky Amsterdam vs. #11 Dr. Twigs Way, #3Koovasky Zapata vs. #14 Florence Fabricant

amsterdam

Day three of the Sithole Regional's first round is underway. As a reminder, the best way to catch all Name of the Year-related town cryings is to follow us on Twitter.

Without further ado: The favorite in our first matchup of the day is six-seed Pooky Amsterdam. Pooky lends her fabulous first name to her company, PookyMedia, which makes award-winning machinima videos. Pooky is a big proponent of Second Life -- where, if she were really prone to flights of fancy, her avatar's name might be something like Janet Smith.

Unlike the many criminals and ne'er-do-wells included in our bracket, Pooky is both a great name and a likable person. When she appears in a YouTube video, the comments section fills with well-wishers. We love you too, Pooky!

Pooky's opponent is Dr. Twigs Way, whose gardening expertise (her books include Garden Gnomes: A History and Digging for Victory: Gardens and Gardening in Wartime Britain) raises the possibility that her fitting first name was not given to her at birth. Of course, optimists can spin a happier backstory, one where two parents with a love of horticulture name their daughter after a crucial element of their beloved backyard and end up smiling wide smiles when their little Twigs grows up to share their passions. If you're a 'glass half full' type, be my guest.

Given or changed, the name Dr. Twigs Way is fantastic and, as with Pooky, seems to be attached to a wonderful woman. Here she is giving an interview about one of her many areas of expertise, garden gnomes. So passionate! Maybe the latter of our two imagined origin stories is the more likely one after all.

So will Dr. Twigs Way keep this matchup in the realm of the real or will Pooky Amsterdam machinimate her way to a second life in the next round? Decide below.

[polldaddy poll=7438959]

--------

The highest seed in action today is #3 Koovasky Zapata. Koovasky was recently arrested along with some other creatively-named Houstonites, but a Soundclick page tells us his current passion is music production, where he has adopted the moniker DJ Skrewhead. At any rate, we hope Koovasky eventually finds his true calling and reinvents himself as an intimidating luchador with an Old Country-themed costume.

Koovasky's first round matchup pits him against 14-seed Florence Fabricant, longtime food critic for the New York Times. It's safe to assume she is quite familiar with the wonders of Italian cuisine, which is often created by Florentine fabricants.

Florence's pedigree certainly tops DJ Skrewhead's, but does her alliterative name follow suit? That's up to you.

[polldaddy poll=7438993]

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Sithole Regional, Round 1: #5 Norman Conquest vs. #12 CaliforniaAmazing Red, #4 Konockus Sashington vs. #13 Pearlie Graves

bayeaux_tapestry

First up today we have Standard Grade Chemistry author Norman Conquest (his coauthor, Roddy Renfrew, has no slouch of a name either). We're guessing that Conquest gravitated toward the hard sciences after years of smarmy jokes from history teachers. Norman recalls 2011's Dr. Loveday Conquest, and we're pleased as ever to see a fresh take on an old surname.

Norman's up against California Amazing Red. You'd think that in a war of connotations, Norman Conquest would be a lock -- and indeed, his is certainly the strongest reference-based name in our bracket -- but "California Red" can be taken in at least four directions -- and that's without the "Amazing."

Will Norman conquer California?

[polldaddy poll=7439425]

--

Today's second matchup starts with Konockus Sashington, running back for the University of North Texas Mean Green. It's fitting that Sashington is a college football player: of all the names in our bracket, his sounds most plausible as a fictional East-West Bowl competitor, somewhere between Blyrone Blashinton (Syracuse) and Sequester Grundelplith, M.D. (Adams State.)

Fittingly, Mr. Sashington is up against another college football player, Texas Tech defensive tackle Pearlie Graves, who we're sure will get some consolation for his lower seed from the fact that he plays in the Big 12, not Conference USA. The good people of Grantland, who put together a 2011-2012 College Football All-Name Team (which features fellow 2013 NOTY contenders Dusty Rust, Montana Bencomo, and Necho Beard), call Pearlie Graves "the darkest name in college football, a weird gothic take on 'pearly gates.' You don't go to heaven, man, you just go in the ground."

Who will prevail, the offense or the defense?

[polldaddy poll=7439427]

Follow us on Twitter!

Monday, September 30, 2013

Sithole Regional, Round 1: #1 Baby Swinger vs. #16 Sander Van DerLinden, #8 Octavia Sheepshanks vs. #9 Frostee Rucker

baby-swinger-1

We're kicking off the Sithole Regional with a heavy hitter, folks. I feel that any attempt to add commentary to Baby Swinger's name would fall pitifully short. Her name is Baby Swinger.

She's up against Scientific American contributor and Paul Rudd doppelgänger Sander van der Linden, whose name I could read aloud for hours. Seriously, say it: Sander van der Linden. It feels like a bike ride through the foothills of the Alps.

Will Sander's dulcet lingual contours be enough to trump the blunt hilarity of Baby Swinger? Vote!

[polldaddy poll=7434954]

--

We've got another 8-v.-9 nailbiter rounding out today's ticket. The ontological status of Cambridge University online columnist Octavia Sheepshanks has already been the subject of some subterfuge and confusion. The Independent got the final word on the subject, wherein Sheepshanks confessed that her final column, in which she exposed her persona as a fraud, was itself a hoax executed as a means of protecting herself from attacks on her character. Whatever.

Her opponent this week is Arizona Cardinals defensive end Frostee Rucker. When he was playing for the Bengals, Frostee and several teammates decided to buy two frozen yogurt franchises as a side business. (The media covered this with a remarkably straight face.)

Frostee explains how his name came to be: "My pop [Len] was a DJ while he was in the military and they called him DJ Frost because they said he was cold on the spins. [They called him] Frost, Frostee all that. No matter what he named me they were going to call me Little Frost anyway, so they named me Frostee."

Rucker or Sheepshanks? Your call!

[polldaddy poll=7435019]

Follow us on Twitter for name-related goodness delivered to your feed.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Bulltron Regional Round 1 Results

This week:

#1 Pornsak Pongthong predictably crushed #16 Genius Dexter.

In the closest matchup of the round, #8 Bak Bak beat out #9 Jawanza Poland.

#5 Narnia Overall represented her fictional homeland well, easily conquering #12 Quintus Fernando.

#13 Marijuana Warr upset #4 Cheshire Schanker by a healthy margin. We don't think y'all gave Miss Schanker her due, but alas.

#6 Dr. David L. Dickensheets dispatched #11 Arquimedes Caminero more handily than we'd expected.

#3 Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D. defeated #14 Roxanne Stackable, which was inevitable but a little sad. I had higher hopes for Stackable.

#10 Ursula A. Hofacker upset #7 Seventh Woods.

In Bulltron R1's most decisive rout, #2 Yolanda Squatpump tore through #15 Tore A. Torp.

Sithole Regional voting starts tomorrow morning!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Bulltron Regional, Round 1: #7 Seventh Woods vs. #10 Ursula A. Hofacker, #2 Yolanda Squatpump vs. #15 Tore A. Torp

Squats

OK, we'll admit that we would have given Seventh Woods a 7-seed even if he belonged in the lower tiers, but the 14-year-old high school basketball star fits nicely in the middle of the field. His name comes from the day when God finished his work. If only he played golf.

In an actual March Madness bracket, Woods would be a lock until meeting fellow baller Bak Bak in the Elite Eight, showily posterizing everyone on the way. But dominance on the court doesn't help one's fortune in the onomastic arena. Woods has to deal with some fierce competition brought by Chemical Experimentation author Ursula A. Hofacker. Like her name, her textbook apparently "leave[s] little to the student's imagination."

Who will prevail: the youngest point guard on Team USA or a chemistry lecturer seasoned by years of surreptitiously sniggering students? YOU decide!

[polldaddy poll=7426274]
--

On the other side of the field we have Yolanda Squatpump, Usual Suspects makeup artist and our strongest last-minute addition. It's easy to see how a young mother trying to decide what goes with "Squatpump" would eventually throw up her hands, grit her teeth and go for the gold. However it happened, we're blessed to bask in the knowledge that such a name exists.

She's up against Tore Torp, middle name Andreas, who holds a patent for a "Process and System for Recovering and Storing a Light Hydrocarbon Vapor from Crude Oil." The word "slurry" appears often. Torp shares both name and nationality with Norwegian hockey player and 2011 10-seed Tore Vikingstad, but trades badass for singsong on the surname, giving him a fundamentally different appeal.

Will Tore Torp tear through enough voters' torpor to vanquish the mighty Squatpump? Only time will tell.

[polldaddy poll=7426324]
--

With that, we're done laying out the first round of the first region. All voting for Bulltron Round 1 ends Sunday, so make up your mind by then. We'll be back to present the Sithole Regional on Monday; in the meantime, follow @NOTYtourney for sporadic pithy updates.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Bulltron Regional, Round 1: #6 Dr. David L. Dickensheets vs. #11 Arquimedes Caminero, #3 Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D. vs. #14 Roxanne Stackable

red-tailed-hawk_681_600x450

ALERT: Staats Battle has been disqualified. Though the NC State guard's name is real and excellent, we recently learned that he had previously been considered by the NOTY High Committee. In the interest of a fresh tournament, he's been removed. In his place, please welcome Roxanne Stackable to the bracket. More on her in a bit.

First, we open up what is shaping up to be of the most grisly bloodbaths of the first round. The 6-seed is Dr. David L. Dickensheets, doctor at the Infectious Disease Services of Georgia. Whether or not his job title enhances the overall gestalt comes down to personal preference, but even if you're not a fan of the Dr. prefix, there's no denying that this man's last name is Dickensheets.

For what it's worth, the Infectious Disease Services of Georgia is located in Cumming, GA.

He's up against Arquimedes Caminero, a rookie reliever for the Miami Marlins and a late addition to our bracket. Arquimedes replaced the recently DQ'd Bacarri Rambo. I admit that as a huge baseball fan, Arquimedes should've been on my radar much earlier. Instead, like most of South Florida, I've only watched about three innings of Marlins baseball this year. At any rate, he is a worthy contender, and not just because of his 4/1 strikeout-to-walk ratio.

So will Dr. David L. Dickensheets survive? Or will Arquimedes Caminero have a 'Eureka!' moment and pull the upset? You can decide in the poll below:

[polldaddy poll=7423775]

--

In our second matchup, we're pitting 3-seed Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D. against the aforementioned Roxanne Stackable. She specializes in family practice and is therefore a personal favorite of all children who wish to have a doctor named SkyHawk. Last time I checked, that's all of them.

We can't, however, count out Roxanne Stackable. A cooking enthusiast, Roxanne would fit well into a Name of the Year superhero fanfic. Perhaps she'd make a fierce love interest for our hero, Johnny Moustachewho together with his dependable sidekick Joe Shortsleeve must save the world from his nemesis, uh, Nemesis Vega.

Will Skyhawk soar above Roxanne? Decide in the poll below, and don't forget to follow us on Twitter @NOTYTourney for all updates. The first round of Bulltron Regional voting ends on Sunday.

[polldaddy poll=7423790]

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Bulltron Regional, Round 1: #5 Narnia Overall vs. #12 Quintus Fernando, #4 Cheshire Schanker vs. #13 Marijuana Warr

cheshire-cat-8

Serendipitously, today's matchups both recall classic tales of British kids lost in lands of whimsy. Far beyond the doors of the wardrobe, a centaur named Quintus Fernando charges into battle against the White Witch; Narnia Overall is the slogan on his oriflamme. Later, we'll go down the rabbit hole to find Cheshire Schanker and Marijuana Warr, the cat and the caterpillar. Except, you know, more violent.

Narnia Overall (#5) is the daughter of the author of Why Have Children? Save your money. The answer, obviously, is "so you can give them bodacious names." She's up against Quintus Fernando (#12), a chemist from the University of Arizona and two-time contributor to Waste Management.

[polldaddy poll=7420967]
--

Next up, we have Cheshire Schanker, a New York City social worker who's served well by a cascade of consonance. Her opponent is Marijuana Warr, whose name conjures a conflict between Colombian warlords. Can a social worker prevail over drugs? YOU decide!

[polldaddy poll=7421002]
--

All Bulltron Regional voting will close at midnight on Sunday. Get 'em in before then.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Bulltron Regional, Round 1: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #16 Genius Dexter, #8 Bak Bak vs. #9 Jawanza Poland

chicken

I was considering Sriracha sauce one day (as fans of spicy food often do) when I decided to look it up on Wikipedia to learn of its origins. This search was interrupted by a disambiguation page, which informed me that I might be looking for a Thai soccer team named Sriracha FC. Curious whether the team and the sauce were related, I clicked onward, where after a quick scan of the team's roster I learned that oh my god, there is a Thai soccer player named Pornsak Pongthong.

This hopefully illustrates just how many amazing names are hiding just beyond our sight, waiting to be discovered on lightly-tread Wikipedia articles and obscure research papers and collegiate athletics databases. We're not only excited about the names we've discovered in compiling this field, we're also hopeful about the ones like mighty Pornsak who we'll discover organically when we least expect it. When you have similar encounters, I hope you'll let us know.

With that out of the way, let's move on to this year's contenders. With so many quality names, no matchup is a gimme, not even a 1 vs. 16. In this case, Pornsak's first opponent is Genius Dexter. There's something about the name Dexter that lends itself to greatness -- after all, the two prominent TV characters with the name are both geniuses in their own way. We liked the combo, so we gave this Dexter a chance to beat the best -- or get beaten by him.

[polldaddy poll=7417971]

-----

Our second matchup of the day is the first of four 8 vs. 9 slugfests. As college basketball fans are aware, the 8-9 games in the NCAA tournament are usually the hardest to predict, with a collection of flashy Horizon League upstarts, toughened middle-of-the-pack Big Ten warriors and relatively unknown Western Athletic Conference champions squaring up for 40 minutes of hotly contested basketball. We hope today's contest is similarly close.

Fittingly, both Bak Bak and Jawanza Poland came on our radar as college basketball players. Bak, who came off the bench for the University of California at Berkeley, is not the only athlete we've encountered whose first name matches his last. Other such contenders include Majok Majok, Shayok Shayok, and Leek Leek. In the interest of variety we decided to include Bak and only Bak; his is the shortest, sweetest and most gallinaceous of the double names.

Also, according to the San Francisco Chronicle, Bak was born during the Sudanese Civil War and is lucky to be alive today. We're glad he made it.

As for Poland, he was a standout at the University of South Florida who briefly gained national attention when he threw down a ferocious dunk in the NCAA Tournament against, coincidentally, Bak's California Golden Bears. If this tournament was decided by athletic ability, Jawanza would no doubt take this matchup, but our measuring stick is a lot more esoteric. His name is a classic combo: bonkers first name, subdued yet interesting last name. There will be a lot of other NOTY contenders who follow this formula.

[polldaddy poll=7417975]
-----

Does Genius Dexter have the smarts to overcome that pong, thong thong thong thong? And will Bak's invasion of Poland result in a complete takeover? Let us know what you think in the polls.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Some Exciting News, Eleventh Hour Bracket Updates And A Voting Reminder

Friends,

As a reminder, voting for our 2013 Name of the Year tournament will begin Monday morning. We've decided to post two matchups each day to keep the tournament moving right along. Check back tomorrow morning for our first 1 v. 16 mismatch as well as a much-anticipated 8 v. 9 slugfest.

With that out of the way, let's move on to the exciting news: Our humble imitation has been recognized and approved by the original Name of the Year High Committee.

Ever since the thought of a NOTY takeover first crossed our minds, we have spent a lot of time wondering what the founders would think of our blatant thievery. Would they be angry at us for hijacking their brainchild? Or would they admire the degree to which their work has inspired a new generation of name enthusiasts? Would the High Committee be proud, angry, supportive, indifferent, or melancholic?

Last Friday, we got our answer. After sharing news of our bracket with a number of media outlets, we caught the eye (or the inbox, if you will) of one of the founders of Name of the Year, the poster known as "stw" on the original site. To our delight, stw was complimentary about our website, this year's field of names, and "our healthy acknowledgment of NOTY." As life has gotten in the way of our forefathers' ability to sift through a mountainous backlog of e-mail submissions, stw proposed an agreement, offering us the NOTY blog, e-mail address, and Twitter handle so long as we continue to include the original High Committee in whatever role they see fit. We have, in short, been offered the keys to the Porsche after a few days of joyriding. We couldn't be more excited.

As a result, there will be a few changes around here. In the next couple of weeks, all NOTY-related material will be moved to nameoftheyear.com, a currently bare domain owned by the High Committee. That website will include more than a quarter-century's worth of past tournaments as well as all present and future updates from the current and upcoming installments. When the move is completed, the rest of NOTY 2013 will play out in its rightful home. Six months down the line, we hope to also return NOTY to its rightful place in the seasonal cycle. If all goes well, NOTY 2014 will commence in time for March Madness.

We've already dusted off the Twitter account, and we will use it to blast our followers with all pertinent updates. If you're into that sort of stuff, follow us @NOTYtourney.

The last part of stw's gift to us is the one that we have so far cherished the most. By providing us with access to the NOTY e-mail account, he has introduced us to the two years of submissions that have built up since the last tournament. After spending most of the day in name-induced nirvana, we found enough brilliant entries to last us for several years. If you would like to add to this treasure trove, we're always open to suggestions.

We're pulling a few names out of that bag right away. As stw informed us, three of the entries in our 2013 bracket had already been up for consideration during previous tournaments. We had looked through the NOTY archives to check for repeats, but Young Boozer, Nancy Ann Cianci and Bacarri Rambo had all previously been considered and rejected. In addition, a separate source has informed us that Mummy Oh'Scarvalone is a nickname, disqualifying her from the tournament. We have a responsibility to play by the NOTY guidelines, so we have struck these four names from the field. They will be missed.

In their stead come four new competitors: Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D., Twollie Vanderwerf, Arquimedes Caminero and Yolanda Squatpump. The bracket has been updated accordingly.

TL;DR: There'll be some shuffling afoot in the coming weeks. If there's one thing you should take away, it is the reminder that VOTING STARTS TOMORROW. Everything else will fall into place in time.

These are exciting times for Name of the Year. We hope you're as pumped as we are.