Monday, April 2, 2012

Your 2011 Name of the Year

Is Taco B.M. Monster. Of course it's Taco B.M. Monster.

What were we thinking those scant 13 months ago when we gave Taco B.M. Monster a No. 2 seed? Did we actually believe the Dutch pharmacoepidemiologist bore an inferior name to any of the No. 1's—Monquarius Mungo (a pale imitation of 2009 NOTY Barkevious Mingo), Atticus Disney, stonegarden grindlife or La'Peaches Pitts? Did we?

Did we honestly not foresee that the author of "Oral Contraceptive Use and Hormone Replacement Therapy Are Associated With Microalbuminuria" would be Amsterdammed if he didn't don a clog and stomp the opposition into submission?

We did not. But then we always, foolishly, underestimate the power of a well-placed scatological onomastic reference. And a taco. And a monster. Especially when juxtaposed.

Let's recap. Dr. Monster ran roughshod over the field. Down went Florida murder victim Commie Spead. Then it was retired Lutheran preacher the Rev. Demon Sox. If ever we thought Taco B.M. Monster would be threatened, it was in a Wrestlemania-style Sweet 16 throwdown against wine merchant Monsterville Horton IV. Not even a speed bump. Elite 8: girlfriend attacker Vernon Lee Bad Marriage. Final Four: Neptune Pringle III.

And, finally, the final, a Nixonian 61-39 rout of Florida teen and fellow No. 2 seed Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson.

Welcome to the Hall of Champions, Taco B.M. Monster. Your fellow names stand and applaud.

(NOTY 2012 will commence soon. Or pretty soon. Soon-ish.)