Thursday, May 26, 2011

Dragonwagon Regional, Second Round, Part 1


No. 1 stonegarden grindlife: UCLA grad student.
No. 8 Rexachilles Imperial: Texas swimmer.

No. 5 Vernon Lee Bad Marriage Jr.: Girlfriend beater.

No. 13 Draco Slaughter: 75-year-old who joked about having a bomb in his carry-on.

Sithole Regional, Second Round, Part 2

Sorry for the delay. Life.

In any event, Atreyu is a metafictional character from The Neverending Story,

a young Greenskin warrior from the Grassy Plains... His parents were killed by a purple buffalo soon after he was born, so his entire village raised him, thus his name means "son of all" in his native language. He is summoned by the Childlike Empress to embark on a "Great Quest" to save the land of Fantastia by finding a cure for her illness. He is given AURYN, an amulet that makes whoever wears it the Childlike Empress' herald, and he sets out on his mission with his horse, Artax.

But A'Trey-U is a 6-foot, 270-pound, redshirt sophomore LSU defensive lineman from Tickfaw, La. He's a member of the Black Male Leadership Initiative. He is pursuing a degree in management. He was the "Most Friendly" male in the Class of 2009 at Hammond High School.

Follow us @NOTYtourney. Vote.

No. 11 Solo Alone: Australian rugger.
No. 14 A'Trey-U Jones: See above.

No. 10 Shahking Gomez: New York man.

No. 15 Yolanda Supersad: Georgia medical illustrator.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Sithole Regional, Second Round, Part 1

Yes, first-round voting in all regions is now officially closed.

Second-round balloting is in progress in the Bulltron. Two match-ups here and two more here.

Your remaining second-round pairings are:

Sithole Regional
No. 1 Atticus Disney v. No. 8 Chuntania Dangerfield
No. 4 Delorean Blow v. No. 5 Flamur Kastrati
No. 11 Solo Alone v. No. 14 A'Trey-U Jones
No. 10 Shahking Gomez v. No. 15 Yolanda Supersad

Dragonwagon Regional
No. 1 stonegarden grindlife v. No. 8 Rexachilles Imperial
No. 5 Vernon Lee Bad Marriage Jr. v. No. 13 Draco Slaughter
No. 14 Dr. Loveday Conquest v. No. 11 Monsterville Horton IV
No. 7 Rev. Demon Sox v. No. 2 Taco B.M. Monster

Chrotchtangle Regional
No. 1 La'Peaches Pitts v. No. 8 Margarita Villa
No. 12 Orel Oral v. No. 13 Neptune Pringle III
No. 14 Heidi Hohl v. No. 11 Delector Durley Jr.
No. 7 Jadeveon Clowney v. No. 2 Madz Negro

Sithole time. Vote.

No. 1 Atticus Disney: Cal Poly heavyweight wrestler.
No. 8 Chuntania Dangerfield: Houston county employee.

No. 5 Flamur Kastrati: Norwegian footballer.

No. 4 Delorean Blow: North Carolina DWI offender.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Bulltron Regional, Second Round, Part 2

We could watch the brilliant Xtranormal animation about Boston newsman Joe Shortsleeve's set-to with Beantown firefighters all night. Which is why we're thrilled that the No. 3 seed dispatched adorable little Tuesday Muse in the first round. Now, though, he's facing a task much tougher than exposing electrified fire hydrants or lung cancer-causing airports: Ebenezer Noonoo.

As for the other Bulltron match-up, we'll take it as a compliment: Someone has named a fantasy sports team after No. 2 seed Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson.

Two votes below. Go for it.

No. 3 Joe Shortsleeve: Boston TV newsman.
No. 6 Ebenezer Noonoo: Former Chicago-area college hooper; current Bulls fan.

No. 10 Orion Blizzard: WWII vet.

No. 2 Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson: Armed robbery suspect.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Bulltron Regional, Second Round, Part 1

We will miss Mercedes Bunz, who was taken out in a 52-48 squeaker by Col. Many-Bears Grinder. Not so much for her name -- a quality pun, but not Final Four material -- but for her pompous, pseudoscientific, seemingly Google-translated writings on digital media. This from a recent post on her blog about war and journalism:

When is a picture to good? Shall we make war look like a fantastic action thriller? Reporting the matériel battle is scrupulously precise. We need to be careful not to become too live, and too detailed. When does transparency turn into blind fascination? As journalists we are part of the war, and will always be. But this is awful.

When is a name too good? Never.

Two votes below.

No. 1 Monquarius Mungo: Skateboarding scofflaw.
No. 9 Rockwell C. Bonecutter: Technology executive.

No. 12 Leviticus Payne: Top h.s. football recruit.

No. 13 Col. Many-Bears Grinder: Tennessee Commissioner of Veteran Affairs.

Monday, May 9, 2011

2011 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 4

And thus we conclude the first round of voting.

Thank you for your patronage.

No. 7 Jadeveon Clowney: No. 1 college football recruit in nation; handcuffed for Living While Black.
No. 10 Charlie Soap: Wilma Mankiller’s husband.

No. 2 Madz Negro: Illinois h.s. cross-country runner.

No. 15 Judy Graham Swallows: Tennessee county register of deeds.

2011 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 3


No. 3 Spartacus Chino: Illinois h.s. wrestler, nose tackle.
No. 14: Heidi Hohl: Tennessee real estate agent.

No. 6 Happy Kumar: Philadelphia cabbie.

No. 11 Delector Durley Jr.: Western Illinois lineman.

2011 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 2


No. 5 Quinta Funderburk: Arkansas WR with awesome haircut.
No. 12 Orel Oral: College swimming coach.

No. 4 Yu Arafuka: Tokyo tour guide; Bloomberg employee.

No. 13 Neptune Pringle III: Musician.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

2011 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 1

Welcome to the Crotchtangle Regional.

Above is a seminal document in NOTY history: the June 1990 notarized affidavit verifying two instant Name of the Year legends, first ballot members of the Hall of Name and future namesakes of brackets in this tournament, Assumption Bulltron and Doby Chrotchtangle. It's our Magna Carta, our Naismith rules, our Obama birth certificate.

And then, just a couple of weeks ago, we received an email that rocked our world:

Was looking at your website. Just wondering the origins of Doby Chrotchtangle. My last name while spelled differently is pronounced the same. I also have an aunt named Dobbi. This seems to be almost too much of a coincidence and I was wondering if someone submitted my aunt's name spelled incorrectly and that is the true origin.

We're not sure what to think, or to feel. Is Doby actually Dobbi? Is Chrotch really Kroch? Should we hunt down Eileen Farrell Reilly, who swore under oath that "Ms. DOBY CHROTCHTANGLE is a friend of a friend," and depone her one more time?

On the other hand, after 21 years and untold smiles, does it even matter?


No. 1 La’Peaches Pitts: Bridesmaid, Saints fan!
No. 16 Cruise Citation Mangle: Arrested for assault in North Carolina.

No. 8 Margarita Villa: South Carolina h.s. hurdler.

No. 9 Vivacious Crews: North Carolina m.s. principal.

Monday, May 2, 2011

2011 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional, Part 4

Taco. Mmmmmmmm.....


No. 7 Rev. Demon Sox: Retired Lutheran minister.
No. 10 Tore Vikingstad: Norwegian hockey player.

No. 2 Taco B.M. Monster: Dutch pharmacoepidemiologist.

No. 15 Commie Spead: Killed in an Escalade.

2011 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional, Part 3

Osama Bin Laden. Not much of a name.

Monsterville Horton IV. Quite a name.

Vote below.

No. 3 Philander Moore: Kick returner at Cam Newton’s juco.
No. 14 Dr. Loveday Conquest: Fish professor.

No. 6 Ulysses Castro: MMA fighter.

No. 11 Monsterville Horton IV: Houston wine store owner.