Thursday, March 24, 2011

Is This the Dawning of the Age of Monquarius?


Sorry to have kept you waiting.

Week after week, month after month, for the past year you flooded our inbox with nominees. And, bless your hearts, with linkable verification. You graced us with so many nominees, in fact, that we asked NOTY friend Drew Magary to tweet his followers for help. All hail Timmy Wedell, a chef in the Turks and Caicos Islands, who, despite a schedule that included cooking for Bahamian prime minister the Right Honourable Hubert Alexander Ingraham, plowed through the submissions like the Right Steampunk Emperor Barkevious Mingo through SEC offensive lines.

Mingo has soared since his 2009 NOTY title. Last year’s people’s champion, Australian rules footballer Steele Sidebottom, lifted the Premiership Cup when he and his Collingwood Magpies ’mates won the Grand Final. (They celebrated the day after by dressing in costumes; Steele went for a Village People look.) The NOTY High Committee’s 2011 winner, Nohjay Nimpson, was recently named captain of the St. Joseph’s women’s track team.

Coincidence? We think not. These post-NOTY achievements are testament to the power of the title of Name of the Year. Impotent offensive tackles, emasculated ruckmen, intimidated female triple-jumpers from Xavier and URI -- the world bows before our onomastic kings and queens.

The NOTY Seeding Committee gathered one evening in New York City this week and, over Jack and Coke, amber ale and cranberry juice (not in the same glass), yeaed and nayed its way through the 350 or names that made it out of the inbox and onto the master list. We chose not to expand the tournament to 68 -- tradition, tradition -- and had the usual trouble whittling the pool anywhere close to 64. But persevere we did. Believe us, it wasn’t easy. Tore Vikingstad, Clifford Many Heads, Dick Longwish, Vandy Blue Spikes, Harry Baals, Rockit Storm Pettijohn, Lincoln D.C. Fishpool -- none of them made the cut, from page one of our printout alone.

So who did? We need a few more days to finalize the ballot, but we’ll tease you with the tentative No. 1 seeds:

Bulltron Regional: North Carolina skateboarder Monquarius Mungo.

Sithole Regional: Cal Poly San Luis Obispo wrestler Atticus Disney.

Dragonwagon Regional: UCLA political science grad student stonegarden grindlife (yes, he seems to prefer the lowercase).

Chrotchtangle Regional: South Carolina bridesmaid La’Peaches Pitts.

Of course, RexAchilles Imperial, the Rev. Demon Sox, Delorean Blow, Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson, Wannah Bail, Mercedes Bunz, Joe Shortsleeve, Widgett Washington, Orel Oral, Happy Kumar, Taco B.M. Monster and many others will have something to say about the outcome. And so will you.

42 comments:

  1. Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson has already won. Thanks for playing.

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  2. I gotta say, La’Peaches Pitts looks strong.

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  3. I see it coming down to Mercedes Bunz vs. Taco B.M. Monster.

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  4. Joe Shortsleeve is a hard-working, blue-collar name.

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  5. Holy shit we're back in business!

    If my submission of "Starlite Starbrite" is ignored, we're in a fight.

    Yes, I can (and did) verify the name. She's a friend of mine!

    She recently took home the honor of "Bartender who put up with the most of Caleb's shit" award. That honor isn't bestowed lightly.

    Caleb

    http://calebshreves.blogspot.com

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  6. Mungo is actually a very old and not uncommon Scottish name; I'm not sure why it rates inclusion.

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  7. @dzaffrann, I'm from Boston and Joe Shortsleeve is actually a local newscaster: http://boston.cbslocal.com/personality/joe-shortsleeve/

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  8. This is Taco's to lose.

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  9. That's DOCTOR Taco B.M. Monster. To win it.

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  10. Call me sentimental, but Delorean Blow has a certain whiff of nostalgia and schadenfreude, so right for 2011.

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  11. And once again the seeds are screwed up. Atticus Disney and stonegarden grindlife as one seeds? That's indefensible. Also unpossible.

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  12. I'd agree that Atticus Disney shouldn't be a 1 seed, but stonegarden grindlife might belong... We'll see soon enough

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  13. I am a big fan of Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson. But I'm waiting for the bracket there is always a name that is criminally underseeded and we all love a Cinderella story!

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  14. Since we live in a world that likes to judge before we know whole story, Im going to say that Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson is criminally underseeded.

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  15. I'm still in mourning over Selathious Bobo. His name, unforgettable. His loss, inconceivable. The Fab 5 of NOTY.

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  16. This site elicits the best comments on the internet.

    Well played.

    Caleb

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  17. Taco B.M. Monster is one of the few names you could use in a sentence, in "that Taco B.M. i just took was a Monster."

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  18. NEPTUNE PRINGLE III will reign supreme.

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  19. Can we put a moratorium on Australian rugby players? Sidebottom was at best a Sweet 16 talent, but won when the kangaroos showed up en masse to vote for nationality rather than humor value. This is a contest for the name of the year, not a national rallying cry.

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  20. Oh man, I hope you included my entry, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Climax_Lawrence

    On second thought, Who am I kidding? It's hard to beat Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson.

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  21. Fake Dong needs to be in this tournament! I've emailed the NOTY people, but some quick verification is:

    http://www.icsd.k12.ny.us/legacy/dewitt/PTA/PTA%20NEWS/june'04cwebsite.pdf

    (Search for "Fake")

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  22. La'Peaches' fellow bridesmaids make up an All-Pro wedding party. In addition to La'Peaches, there's a Berdina, a Rathendra, an Aurelia, a Chanta and a Quenisha. Mrs. Autumn Ross should get a special mention from the committee for assembling such a fine cast of names in one bridal party.

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  23. Barkevious apparently has a brother Hughtavious.

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  24. Too late for submissions? Ginger Pinholster definetly has merit, in my opinion.
    http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2010/12/02/5564852-life-as-we-dont-know-it-on-earth

    Also, honorable mention to Milva Pepi.

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  25. Also, my nomination Universal Allah better have made the bracket ... http://is.gd/w4wLmr

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  26. Garrr, Now that I know it's coming the suspense is killing me!
    Hurry, I needs to gets me names on!

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  27. Harry Baals being excluded! This doesn't even pass the laugh test.

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  28. I'm trying desperately to find some verification online, but I assure you there is a person in my city named Knight Nighthawk.

    Taco B.M. Monster not being a 1-seed is an absolute travesty, though.

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  29. I fail to see how any discussion of the name of the year does not begin and end with

    Boonlert Kongsoontorncharden.

    Hell. That boy deserves his own regional bracket!!!

    Verification @

    http://www.fullnamedirectory.com/page179207.html

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  30. Yay! I'm so glad your back. I was very worried there wouldn't be a 2011 NOTY. I hope you used my suggestion: California Gold, but even if you didn't I'm excited and ready to vote.

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  31. La'Peaches' "verification" seems weak. Anyone can put up a wedding website with picture and names.

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  32. let's get this thing going!

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  33. Mercedes Bunz is definitely not a Haitian hooker...definitely not

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  34. I nominate Mohammad Butt. He's in the Manhattan White Pages.

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  35. There's also a Mook Butt and a Hurriyah Butt.

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  36. It is a glorious glorious day that brings the return of the NOTY.

    I am already overly excited to debate the merits of Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson vs. stonegarden grindlife

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  37. Please include Indiana University recruit Peter Jurkin in this year's festivities.

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  38. I am giving the Spartacus Bernstein vote to Atticus Disney. It must be Atticus.

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  39. ps. bring on the seeding podcast!

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  40. pps. on that tip, Mohammad Butt was quickly dismissed during the 2010 meeting sal.

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  41. Sorry, but it's got to go to Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson once you add his nickname, "Crime Tyme."

    http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/crime/os-serial-bank-robbers-20110105,0,614065.story

    So that's MISTER Courvoisier Winetavius "Crime Tyme"
    Richardson, your honor...

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