Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Sweet 16

Here's another way to look at this year's drawn-out NOTY Tournament: More time to savor the onomastic greatness. Or, what's the rush?

The High Committee is heading overseas. Sure, they have the interwebs over there, but we just don't think posting the next round will be a high priority.

Meantime, enjoy your 2001 NOTY Sweet 16. I think we can all agree it's tragic that either Monsterville Horton IV or Taco B.M. Monster will be eliminated so soon. Seeding is a fickle science.

Happy summer.

Bulltron Regional
No. 9 Rockwell Bonecutter v. No. 12 Leviticus Payne
No. 6 Ebenezer Noonoo v. No. 2 Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson

Sithole Regional
No. 8 Chuntania Dangerfield v. No. 4 Delorean Blow
No. 11 Solo Alone v. No. 15 Yolanda Supersad

Dragonwagon Regional
No. 8 RexAchilles Imperial v. No. 5 Vernon Lee Bad Marriage Jr.
No. 11 Monsterville Horton IV v. No. 2 Taco B.M. Monster

Chrotchtangle Regional
No. 1 La'Peaches Pitts v. No. 13 Neptune Pringle III
No. 14 Heidi Hohl v. No. 2 Madz Negro

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Chrotchtangle Regional, Second Round, Part 2

Vote!

No. 14 Heidi Hohl: She's a real-estate agent!
No. 11 Delector Durley Jr.: He's a Leatherneck!


No. 7 Jadeveon Clowney: Mr. Football in South Carolina.

No. 2 Madz Negro: "Negro Leaves Health Troubles in Dust"

Chrotchtangle Regional, Second Round, Part 1

To quote Richard Ford, we're sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry about your office pools. Sorry about the stalled momentum. It's been a busy spring at NOTY. The 2011 tournament will just have to be spread over a longer period than any of us would like. (Which is why you should follow us @NOTYtourney so you don't waste time checking back to the site and find nothing new.)

We'll finish the second round and post the Sweet 16 match-ups. But then I'm afraid we're out of the country until August.

Scouting names, of course.

No. 1 La'Peaches Pitts: Get that bridesmaid dress fitted! Just 52 days away!
No. 8 Margarita Villa: South Carolina h.s. hurdler.


No. 12 Orel Oral: University of Indianapolis swim coach.

No. 13 Neptune Pringle III: "Accomplished musician and choreographer.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Dragonwagon Regional, Second Round, Part 2

That's Monsterville Horton IV. And here are some things we have learned about him:

Monsterville Horton, IV grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area and was introduced to the exciting world of wine at the young age of seven.

His career to date has included sommelier, wine consultant, wine educator/lecturer, wine buyer and wine judge.

He has been privileged to visit, study and live in every major wine region in the world and has taught wine education and appreciation in both Europe and North America.

As one of only 135 Certified Wine Educators in the world, Monsterville has proven to possess one of the best palates on the planet.

Monsterville believes that great wine is not simple; however, it's not inscrutable either.


What we have not been able to determine:

The provenance of his name.

Vote. And follow us on Twitter @NOTYtourney.

No. 14 Dr. Loveday Conquest: University of Washington Professor, Aquatic & Fishery Sciences/Center for Quantitative Science
No. 11 Monsterville Horton IV: Houston wine salesman.


No. 7 Rev. Demon Sox: Lutheran minister, retired.

No. 2 Taco B.M. Monster: Dutch pharmacoepidemiologist.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Dragonwagon Regional, Second Round, Part 1

Vote.

No. 1 stonegarden grindlife: UCLA grad student.
No. 8 Rexachilles Imperial: Texas swimmer.


No. 5 Vernon Lee Bad Marriage Jr.: Girlfriend beater.

No. 13 Draco Slaughter: 75-year-old who joked about having a bomb in his carry-on.

Sithole Regional, Second Round, Part 2

Sorry for the delay. Life.

In any event, Atreyu is a metafictional character from The Neverending Story,

a young Greenskin warrior from the Grassy Plains... His parents were killed by a purple buffalo soon after he was born, so his entire village raised him, thus his name means "son of all" in his native language. He is summoned by the Childlike Empress to embark on a "Great Quest" to save the land of Fantastia by finding a cure for her illness. He is given AURYN, an amulet that makes whoever wears it the Childlike Empress' herald, and he sets out on his mission with his horse, Artax.

But A'Trey-U is a 6-foot, 270-pound, redshirt sophomore LSU defensive lineman from Tickfaw, La. He's a member of the Black Male Leadership Initiative. He is pursuing a degree in management. He was the "Most Friendly" male in the Class of 2009 at Hammond High School.

Follow us @NOTYtourney. Vote.

No. 11 Solo Alone: Australian rugger.
No. 14 A'Trey-U Jones: See above.


No. 10 Shahking Gomez: New York man.

No. 15 Yolanda Supersad: Georgia medical illustrator.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Sithole Regional, Second Round, Part 1

Yes, first-round voting in all regions is now officially closed.

Second-round balloting is in progress in the Bulltron. Two match-ups here and two more here.

Your remaining second-round pairings are:

Sithole Regional
No. 1 Atticus Disney v. No. 8 Chuntania Dangerfield
No. 4 Delorean Blow v. No. 5 Flamur Kastrati
No. 11 Solo Alone v. No. 14 A'Trey-U Jones
No. 10 Shahking Gomez v. No. 15 Yolanda Supersad

Dragonwagon Regional
No. 1 stonegarden grindlife v. No. 8 Rexachilles Imperial
No. 5 Vernon Lee Bad Marriage Jr. v. No. 13 Draco Slaughter
No. 14 Dr. Loveday Conquest v. No. 11 Monsterville Horton IV
No. 7 Rev. Demon Sox v. No. 2 Taco B.M. Monster

Chrotchtangle Regional
No. 1 La'Peaches Pitts v. No. 8 Margarita Villa
No. 12 Orel Oral v. No. 13 Neptune Pringle III
No. 14 Heidi Hohl v. No. 11 Delector Durley Jr.
No. 7 Jadeveon Clowney v. No. 2 Madz Negro

Sithole time. Vote.

No. 1 Atticus Disney: Cal Poly heavyweight wrestler.
No. 8 Chuntania Dangerfield: Houston county employee.


No. 5 Flamur Kastrati: Norwegian footballer.

No. 4 Delorean Blow: North Carolina DWI offender.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Bulltron Regional, Second Round, Part 2


We could watch the brilliant Xtranormal animation about Boston newsman Joe Shortsleeve's set-to with Beantown firefighters all night. Which is why we're thrilled that the No. 3 seed dispatched adorable little Tuesday Muse in the first round. Now, though, he's facing a task much tougher than exposing electrified fire hydrants or lung cancer-causing airports: Ebenezer Noonoo.

As for the other Bulltron match-up, we'll take it as a compliment: Someone has named a fantasy sports team after No. 2 seed Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson.

Two votes below. Go for it.

No. 3 Joe Shortsleeve: Boston TV newsman.
No. 6 Ebenezer Noonoo: Former Chicago-area college hooper; current Bulls fan.


No. 10 Orion Blizzard: WWII vet.

No. 2 Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson: Armed robbery suspect.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Bulltron Regional, Second Round, Part 1

We will miss Mercedes Bunz, who was taken out in a 52-48 squeaker by Col. Many-Bears Grinder. Not so much for her name -- a quality pun, but not Final Four material -- but for her pompous, pseudoscientific, seemingly Google-translated writings on digital media. This from a recent post on her blog about war and journalism:

When is a picture to good? Shall we make war look like a fantastic action thriller? Reporting the matériel battle is scrupulously precise. We need to be careful not to become too live, and too detailed. When does transparency turn into blind fascination? As journalists we are part of the war, and will always be. But this is awful.

When is a name too good? Never.

Two votes below.

No. 1 Monquarius Mungo: Skateboarding scofflaw.
No. 9 Rockwell C. Bonecutter: Technology executive.


No. 12 Leviticus Payne: Top h.s. football recruit.

No. 13 Col. Many-Bears Grinder: Tennessee Commissioner of Veteran Affairs.

Monday, May 9, 2011

2011 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 4

And thus we conclude the first round of voting.

Thank you for your patronage.

No. 7 Jadeveon Clowney: No. 1 college football recruit in nation; handcuffed for Living While Black.
No. 10 Charlie Soap: Wilma Mankiller’s husband.


No. 2 Madz Negro: Illinois h.s. cross-country runner.

No. 15 Judy Graham Swallows: Tennessee county register of deeds.

2011 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 3

Vote.

No. 3 Spartacus Chino: Illinois h.s. wrestler, nose tackle.
No. 14: Heidi Hohl: Tennessee real estate agent.


No. 6 Happy Kumar: Philadelphia cabbie.

No. 11 Delector Durley Jr.: Western Illinois lineman.

2011 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 2


Vote.

No. 5 Quinta Funderburk: Arkansas WR with awesome haircut.
No. 12 Orel Oral: College swimming coach.


No. 4 Yu Arafuka: Tokyo tour guide; Bloomberg employee.

No. 13 Neptune Pringle III: Musician.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

2011 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 1

Welcome to the Crotchtangle Regional.

Above is a seminal document in NOTY history: the June 1990 notarized affidavit verifying two instant Name of the Year legends, first ballot members of the Hall of Name and future namesakes of brackets in this tournament, Assumption Bulltron and Doby Chrotchtangle. It's our Magna Carta, our Naismith rules, our Obama birth certificate.

And then, just a couple of weeks ago, we received an email that rocked our world:

Was looking at your website. Just wondering the origins of Doby Chrotchtangle. My last name while spelled differently is pronounced the same. I also have an aunt named Dobbi. This seems to be almost too much of a coincidence and I was wondering if someone submitted my aunt's name spelled incorrectly and that is the true origin.

We're not sure what to think, or to feel. Is Doby actually Dobbi? Is Chrotch really Kroch? Should we hunt down Eileen Farrell Reilly, who swore under oath that "Ms. DOBY CHROTCHTANGLE is a friend of a friend," and depone her one more time?

On the other hand, after 21 years and untold smiles, does it even matter?

Vote.

No. 1 La’Peaches Pitts: Bridesmaid, Saints fan!
No. 16 Cruise Citation Mangle: Arrested for assault in North Carolina.


No. 8 Margarita Villa: South Carolina h.s. hurdler.

No. 9 Vivacious Crews: North Carolina m.s. principal.

Monday, May 2, 2011

2011 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional, Part 4

Taco. Mmmmmmmm.....

Vote.

No. 7 Rev. Demon Sox: Retired Lutheran minister.
No. 10 Tore Vikingstad: Norwegian hockey player.


No. 2 Taco B.M. Monster: Dutch pharmacoepidemiologist.

No. 15 Commie Spead: Killed in an Escalade.

2011 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional, Part 3

Osama Bin Laden. Not much of a name.

Monsterville Horton IV. Quite a name.

Vote below.

No. 3 Philander Moore: Kick returner at Cam Newton’s juco.
No. 14 Dr. Loveday Conquest: Fish professor.


No. 6 Ulysses Castro: MMA fighter.

No. 11 Monsterville Horton IV: Houston wine store owner.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

2011 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional, Part 2

This might be the toughest, most well-rounded foursome in the tournament. One inexplicable Native American. One Borscht Belt-meets-True Value. One apostrophe plus Beaver Cleaver. And one stock Russian/WWF villain.

Vote now.

No. 5 Vernon Lee Bad Marriage Jr.: Beat his girlfriend, Leeta Old Chief. We did not make any of that up.
No. 12 Monty Hardware: Canadian basketball player.


No. 4 I’Tavius Mathers: Tennessee high-school running back.

No. 13 Draco Slaughter: 75-year-old who joked that he had a bomb in his carry-on.

2011 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional, Part 1

Drungo Hazewood was a first-round pick of the Baltimore Orioles in the 1977 baseball amateur draft. He showed some power in the low minors but had trouble with good old Uncle Charlie. He reached the show for six games at age 20 in September 1980, went 0-for-5, was sent back to down to the minors, stuck around for three more seasons and was done.

Drungo played in baseball's longest game, the 33-inning affair between his Rochester Red Wings and the Pawtucket Red Sox in April (and June) of 1981. The game is chronicled in New York Times writer Dan Barry's new book, Bottom of the 33rd, which was reviewed in the Times this week. We happen to have a copy, and for NOTY purposes, the most important passage is on page 82: How Drungo Hazewood got his name. Writes the author:

His mother, Catherine, was a housewife who gave her life to raising ten children and helping to rear who knows how many grandchildren. With her ninth about to be born, Catherine announced a dare: Whoever wins a foot race to the hospital gets to name the baby. Her son Aubrey won the challenge, and he had a good friend whose last name was Drungo. So Drungo Hazewood it was.

His middle name, by the way, is LaRue.

Vote below. And please follow us on Twitter @NOTYtourney.

No. 1 stonegarden grindlife: UCLA grad student.
No. 16 Moe Lester: Canadian butcher.


No. 8 Rexachilles Imperial: Texas swimmer. (We're now going with a lowercase A.)

No. 9 Drungo Hazewood: Baseball legend.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

2011 NOTY: Sithole Regional, Part 4

That's the Shah of Iran driving a car. His full name was Mohammad Reza Shah Pahlavi. He was also known as Shahanshah, or King of Kings. So, yes, he was the Shah King, just like Sithole Regional No. 10 seed Shahking Gomez. And that's about where the similarity ends.

We love this group: The shocking Shahking; a good old-fashioned inexplicable first name in No. 7 Lekeebrion Jackson; the faux anonymity of No. 2 John Dough, who a recent news report said was skimming some; and the 1970s-Foxy-Brown-soul-funk-comic-book-antihero coolness of No. 15 Yolanda Supersad.

Vote.

No. 7 Lekeebrion Jackson: Iowa drug suspect.
No. 10 Shahking Gomez: Bronx man duped by health clinic.


No. 2 John Dough: That’s Sheriff John Dough to you!

No. 15 Yolanda Supersad: Georgia medical illustrator.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

2011 NOTY: Sithole Regional, Part 3

Before we get to the next set of votes, get out your ballots. Voting is closed in the Bulltron Regional.

And that means we have to bid a fond farewell to little Tuesday Muse, the plucky and inspiring Atlanta schoolgirl who's raising money for Japan's earthquake victims, taken down by the muckraking Boston newsman Joe Shortsleeve. Boston's Bravest will not be pleased.

SHORTSLEEVE!!!

So here are your second-round match-ups in the Bulltron, which will be posted after we slog through the rest of the first round:

No. 1 Monquarius Mungo v. No. 9 Rockwell Bonecutter
No. 12 Leviticus Payne v. No. 13 Col. Many-Bears Grinder
No. 3 Joe Shortsleeve v. No. 6 Ebenezer Noonoo
No. 2 Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson v. No. 10 Orion Blizzard


And now back to the Sithole. Two votes below.

No. 3 Lola Porch: Sued a nursing home.
No. 14 A’Trey-U Jones: LSU walk-on defensive lineman.


No. 6 Sanmorteeno Battle: Alabama camp counselor.

No. 11 Solo Alone: Australian youth rugby player. Uh oh.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

2011 NOTY: Sithole Regional, Part 2

Media round-up!

New York magazine approves. Brilliant, we humbly agree. But lowbrow? Clearly they're not regular readers.

NPR's Monkey See blog--shouldn't it be Money Hear?--praises our "subtle brilliance" but also misunderstands. We really, really, really aren't about "mocking schoolyard humor." As we've noted before, onomastics is about human behavior and cultural norms. And so is NOTY. Johnny Dickshot! Tee-hee!

Joshua Kurp of Splitsider, The Awl's humor site, asked us some very fine questions and we answered them. A good time was had by all.

Friends of NOTY Drew Magary of Deadspin and Spencer Hall of Every Day Should Be Saturday podcast the bracket. Here's pretty much how it goes, for 45 minutes and 30 seconds:

Drew: Uh, [Name].

Spencer: [Intelligent joke about Name].

Drew: Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw.

Spencer: Har, har, har.

Drew: Uh, [off-color joke about Name].

And, finally, this "extension of a (moderately) successful campus radio talk show from The University of Western Ontario’s Radio Western in London, Ontario, Canada," is doing round-by-round bracket analysis of the tournament.

We are, as ever, humbled. Two votes below.

No. 5 Flamur Kastrati: Norwegian footballer.
No. 12 Quardrophenia Taylor: Louisiana woman. Google her yourself.


No. 4 Delorean Blow: North Carolina DWI offender.

No. 13 Basil Smotherman Jr.: Purdue basketball recruit.

2011 NOTY: Sithole Regional, Part 1

Sorry. We should have told you that we were going on spring break. With children. Many children. Only one of them ours.

Let's get right back to it, shall we?

We made Atticus Disney the top seed in the Sithole Regional for a reason: We liked his both-ways style. The righteous austerity of the Christian name combined with the Mickey and Goofy joviality of the surname. We figured our No. 1 was named for the legal hero Atticus Finch of To Kill a Mockingbird, and we were correct. Atticus, a heavyweight wrestler at California Polytechnic State University, or Cal Poly, told the campus paper, the Mustang Daily, that his parents were going to name him either Atticus or Ken:

“No one likes to have the weird name when you’re little, because everyone makes fun of you,” Disney said. “But when you start getting older I think people remember you easier. I mean in class, you don’t really forget the name Atticus. I love it now.”

We do too. Two votes below.

No. 1 Atticus Disney: Cal Poly heavyweight wrestler.
No. 16 Tally Hair: NASCAR media executive.


No. 8 Chuntania Dangerfield: Houston county employee.

No. 9 Crusoe Gongbay: Incoming New Mexico running back.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

It's Tuesday!

Our cold hearts are melting!

That's Bulltron Regional No. 14 seed -- and No. 1 cutie -- Tuesday Muse holding the 2011 NOTY ballot!

Tuesday is an Atlanta kindergartner who's raising money for Japanese earthquake relief by selling her artwork for $5 a piece. Her mom says she's raised nearly $300.

Way to go, Tuesday! And good luck against Joe Shortsleeve!

2011 NOTY: Bulltron Regional, Part 4

NOTY reader Joshua emailed us to say that Dragonwagon Regional No. 2 seed stonegarden grindlife had been his teaching assistant in a political science class at UCLA. Josh maintained that grindlife should be removed from the ballot because

"he was born with a normal name and changed it to stonegarden grindlife himself when he was in his 20's because he's an ultra liberal hippie and wanted a name that was as bizarre and alternative as possible. (he briefed us all on this when we first showed up for class because 'What's up with your name?' is obviously the first question students have when we first see that he's our TA)"

Sorry, Josh. Legal is good enough for us. We even have a name for this policy, the Dragonwagon Doctrine, after the Hall of Name member honored in stonegarden's region, 1993 NOTY Crescent Dragonwagon.

The doctrine is upheld here in the bottom of the Bulltron with No. 15 Shalom Dreampeace Compost, a government analyst in Santa Cruz, Calif. In this fantastic story about the glut of 1960s and '70s hippie-ish name-changers in that lefty town, Compost explained in 2002 that Shalom was a birth name. But his given surname was Rich.

"It stood for something I didn’t believe in," he said. "Being rich."

Well, it also can mean "having high value or quality" or "full and mellow in tone and quality" or "meaningful, significant." But let's not harsh the buzz. Go on.

"For me, choosing the name Compost was choosing a lifestyle more in harmony with the planet Earth," he said. "Rich not only stood for material wealth but was a common first name and just seemed to cause a lot of confusion in my life."

Principle and expedience, all in one. Compost "notified everyone he knew and all the people he did business with that he was 'Compost' from now on. At the Department of Motor Vehicles, he just filled out the new name on the forms in 1976."

"It has generally been an empowering experience, having a name that is something I believe in."

Probably also a bit of a pain in the ass. Two votes below. And don't forget to follow us on Twitter @NOTYtourney.

No. 7 Mississippi Winn: Former oldest living African-American.
No. 10: Orion Blizzard: WWII vet.


No. 2 Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson: Florida bank robbery suspect who might consider changing nickname.

No. 15 Shalom Dreampeace Compost: See above.

Monday, April 11, 2011

2011 NOTY: Bulltron Regional, Part 3


Before we plunge into the bottom half of the Bulltron, a note from your sponsors:

As we type, 500 more votes have been cast in the Mercedes Bunz-Col. Many-Bears Grinder match -- 2,300 to 1,800 -- than in the one directly above it in the same post. Balloting was equal for the first 800 or so votes, and it was Grinder in a rout. Then, 200 votes later, it was Bunz by a substantial margin. We realized we had failed to activate ballot-box-stuffing controls (i.e., one vote per URL), and so we did. And lo and behold, the race tightened again.

Now the gap is 500 and we don't know whether someone has figured out a way around the controls or whether Europe is rising to vote for MrsBunz, the self-described "visionary writer on digital technology & society published in English, German, Spanish, French, Dutch" and contributor to a reductio ad absurdum manifesto on internet journalism.

In any case, we're docking Bunz 200 votes, and we suspect it should be more. Onward.

We love us some Joe Shortsleeve. The surname, as far as we can determine, comes from the French Courtemanche. Classy. But the English translation coupled with the monosyllabic 'merican first name is aurally fantastic. Joe is the "chief correspondent" for a Boston TV station, most recently the subject of interweb anger over a gotcha story in which he "caught" a Boston firetruck parked at a grocery store at lunchtime. Inside, the city's bravest were, um, buying lunch. The point: They were using the truck -- the public's truck! paid for with taxpayer dollars! -- to drive to the store and buy lunch. Which, Joe was told, is perfectly fine.

Here's another fantastic Xtranormal.com animation of the Shortsleeve story. Enjoy. And vote.

No. 3 Joe Shortsleeve: “Arguably one of the most recognizable TV news reporters in Boston.”
No. 14 Tuesday Muse: 6-year-old Atlanta do-gooder.


No. 6 Ebenezer Noonoo: Former Illinois-Chicago forward.

No. 11 Cassanova McKinzy: Future Auburn linebacker.

Friday, April 8, 2011

2011 NOTY: Bulltron Regional, Part 2

OK, fine. Separate votes for the first round it is.

There are plenty of excellent biblical names for boys -- Absalom, Elnathan (which would look fantastic with an apostrophe), Jaazaniah, Patrobus, Uzziah, Zadok, et al. Leviticus is quite the selection. Forget the parts of this book of the Bible about animal sacrifice and dietary laws and cut to the money line, in Chapter 18:

"Do not lie with a male as one lies with a woman; it is an abhorrence."

As Slate's David Plotz wrote while blogging the Bible, "a lot of ink, and probably some blood, has been spilled about the meaning of this verse." But it's hard to get around the favored conservative interpretation. So did the parents of our No. 12 seed, Leviticus Payne, a future Michigan cornerback, know of what they named? Hard to imagine they didn't. As Plotz wrote, "There is no Brokeback Mount Sinai."

As for No. 13 Col. Many-Bears Grinder, she's a she. And an all-around bad ass: combat vet, Bronze Star recipient, wife of a Vietnam vet. "Grinder’s first name was originally a nickname that stuck, so she legally changed her name." Makes you wonder what her given name was.

Two votes, below.

No. 5 Silverberry Mouhon: Cincinnati-bound defensive end.
No. 12 Leviticus Payne: Michigan-bound cornerback.


No. 4 Mercedes Bunz: Visionary writer, if she doesn't mind saying so herself!

No. 13 Col. Many-Bears Grinder: Tennessee commissioner of veteran affairs.