Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Final Four

God is dead.

We would not have predicted it. God's Power Offor, the Nigerian-born, 6-foot-2, Miami h.s. defensive end and Sithole Regional No. 1 seed, who came to his name in honest fashion -- his parents believed his birth was a sign of God's power -- was eliminated by Cameroonian footballer Banana Yaya by a count of 52% to 48%. Somewhere, Andy Staples weeps.

Elsewhere, Bulltron No. 1 Nohjay Nimpson made surprisingly easy work of No. 2 X'Zavier Bloodsaw. In the Chrotchtangle, No. 15 Pat Angerer's NOTY dream was snatched away by No. 16 Charity Beaver , who captured a stunning 74% of nearly 5,700 votes cast.

Which bring us to Australia. The support of an entire nation is hurtling Dragonwagon No. 4 seed and Aussie rules footballer Steele Sidebottom on a collision course with destiny -- and we don't mean Frankenstein. Steele treated his worthy Elite Eight opponent, No. 3 Starzanne Stipes, like a Tasmanian beer-league back pocket, racking up 64% of 6,600 votes.

Steele is dangerous. His NOTY effort is a all the media rage Down Under. His Facebook page has 674 fans. And his factotum, a blogger named Upshake, is chronicling the campaign like an onomastic Theodore White. (Thanks to Upshake for artwork.)

So will it be Beaver or 'bottom? Nohjay or Yaya? Vote below.

Hey, Australia. We know you love Steele, but it's not just about your midfielder. Please vote in the first semifinal match as well.

No. 1 Nohjay Nimpson: St. Joe's javeliner/triple-jumper.
No. 11 Banana Yaya: Cameroonian footballer.

No. 4 Steele Sidebottom: Ten goals in eight games this season!

No. 16 Charity Beaver: “I’m a wino,” she says, laughing. “And I

love cheeseboards. I have one at least once a week.”