Friday, April 30, 2010

Sweet 16: Chrotchtangle Regional

Our friends at Black Heart Gold Pants have acknowledged their old-school-tie support for Iowa linebacker and Chrotchtangle Regional No. 15 seed Pat Angerer, who upset No. 7 seed Furious Bradley in the first round. They've even acknowledged that the Hawkeye has an uphill battle in his regional semi-final against No. 3 seed Pencilman Jeffries.

Helmets off to you, Black Heart Gold Pants. It's not easy to set aside homerism in this or any competitive endeavor. But NOTY is a sacred trust. Your objective choices on these epic round-by-round questions will determine not just a "winner" but onomastic greatness.

Angerer, by the way, has his head on straight, too. He was asked recently how much of a dream it was growing up to make a NOTY ballot:

I think it’s every kid’s, but it wasn’t such a reality until I started believing in it.

OK, he was actually asked about playing in the NFL someday. But we don't see much of a difference.

This wraps up the Sweet 16 match-ups. Vote now, and please spread the word.

No. 16 Charity Beaver: “To learn that I really do make a difference in the lives of others is a good feeling.”
No. 4 Spartacus Bernstein: Taught cooking classes for men in 1973!


No. 3 Pencilman Jeffries: Drug dealer, murderer.

No. 15 Pat Angerer: Indianapolis Colt.

29 comments:

  1. This is a travesty! Just because someone has a vaguely ladyflower-influenced name does not mean it is better than a kick-ass Roman Jew.

    I am Spartacus!

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  2. SPARTACUS BERNSTEIN NEEDS TO WIN THIS. IF HE DOESN'T, THERE IS SOMETHING FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG WITH THIS CONTEST, AND I WILL HAVE REAL DOUBTS ABOUT THE INTEGRITY OF THE VOTING SYSTEM.

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  3. It's not just the name--the picture in the post is part of the problem.

    (And I'm deeply disappointed that the dream match of Spartacus Bernstein vs. Napoleon Einstein is no longer a possibility.)

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  4. This contest is getting more and more fucked up with each round. Everyone just keeps voting because someone lives in their area or something stupid like that. SPARTACUS BERNSTEIN NEEDS TO WIN. PENCILMAN JEFFRIES NEEDS TO WIN. what the hell is wrong with you people??!?!?

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  5. I notice a definite bias toward cheap sex joke-oriented names. That's unfortunate. There are some really awesome names losing out.

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  6. Charity Beaver should be a Bond Girl name. That being said it feels out of place here. I'M [FOR] SPARTACUS!

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  7. Shame on all those people attributing Charity's popularity solely to sexual innuendo. Clearly, all of her fans are, like me, imagining a furry little rodent busily building dams for the public good! Now when it comes to awesomeness, doesn't that beat the pants out of a Roman slave rebel who composes music for movies and plays?

    Well, now that I think about it...it's a close match.

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  8. Yeah, as much as I am amused by this contest, the methodology is flawed. I am sure people have noticed how the people with the biggest writeup tends to win. By displaying that picture you are skewing the entire results... just like you have previously skewed the results by writing an entire article about just one of the four choices in a poll.

    Seriously, this is for fun, right... well, then shouldn't the funniest name win, rather than the name you guys decide to do a writeup on?

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  9. To be clear, my problem with the picture isn't that it's there--it's that she's attractive. (I think it skews things--so many, many things.)

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  10. Look, we don't like Charity Beaver any more than most of you. And you have no idea how many dick-joke names were nominated and didn't come with a sniff of the ballot.

    In our opinion, Spartacus Bernstein is a far superior name -- and that Village Voice ad is gold. Alas, we can't control the People's prurient and sophomoric tastes.

    But we'll be glad to give Spartacus equal photo time!

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  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  12. What about those of us who genuinely think that Charity Beaver is a better name than Spartacus Bernstein? And why are your criteria for determining a good name better than anyone else's?

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  13. If Angerer wins this year, I'm never voting again. What's the point? Some dopey group of alumni just come on every year, skew the results, and ruin the whole thing. There should be a rule to eliminate professional or Division 1 college athletes.

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  14. I suggest disallowing votes from the person's home state or country. All other areas will tend to be objective about it.

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  15. Let's be honest here; who would win Pencilman Jefferies or Pat Angerer? I thank the answer is fairly obvious. All of the people who are moaning and complaining obviously have a nerd bias and can therefore, not be taken seriously. Secondly, both of the matchups in this group, I believe show the importance of family name over given name. Pencilman? Spartacus? All these names prove are that their parents had at one time tried PCP. Now a hot chick named Beaver or a Linebacker named Angerer, well that's just divine providence and worthy of admirable voting...nerds.

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  16. I do think that regionalism is influencing the vote in some cases -- Steele Sidebottom doesn't seem to me to be a particularly unusual name, but it seems that he's doing well in the polling because lots of Aussies are flocking to this site out of national pride.

    On the other hand, it isn't unreasonable that this is the case. After all, the way this tournament is designed really makes it just a popularity contest, and if a contestant has a solid fan base then he is more popular and should win.

    If you really don't think Charity Beaver should advance, why aren't you recruiting your friends to vote? If you really think Spontaneous Gordon is a much more awesome name than Steele Sidebottom, why aren't you blogging about it and directing traffic to the site to help your cause? If all you're doing is fuming in your chair about the results, you ought to be laying more of the blame on yourself and less on the organizers of the contest.

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  17. "This is a travesty! Just because someone has a vaguely ladyflower-influenced name does not mean it is better than a kick-ass Roman, Jew."

    Spartacus was a Thracian, not a Roman, duh... :p

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  18. Most Beautiful Woman of Dallas, TX
    versus
    Kirk Douglas in a diaper

    Oy vey! Nolo Contendere!

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  19. Knowledgeable commieMay 3, 2010 at 4:19 AM

    This name is even more spectacular when viewed in light of the ideological battle waged in Germany at the time of the Russian revolution, when an Eduard Bernstein had a hand in the eradication of the Spartacist league.

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  20. If those are really the 10 most beautiful women in Dallas, I'm not ever gonna move to Dallas...

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  21. The biggest flaw I see here, is that people are taking into consideration that Angerer is a linebacker. If you had nothing but a bracket of these names, with no story behind each name whatsoever, Angerer would have never even had a chance to make it out of the first round (The way it should have been, based on the quality of the matchup).

    Basically, this is like letting people vote for Arkansas Pine-Bluff to beat Duke—so a 16 can defeat a 1. Of course the underdog vote would win out overall, but it doesn't change the fact that Duke would slaughter them and advance anyway. Personally, I think voting for people's choice should be of secondary focus, and should be all 64 names in a singular pool.

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  22. If the point is the find the best name, then there is no reason not to use the context of the person's life in consideration. Anyone can have a ridiculous name, but that doesn't mean it's a quality name.

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  23. Pat Angerer is a clear example of why the NOTY High Committee started choosing their own selection over the votes of the masses. And ever since the Destiny Frankenstein debacle, I agree with this strategy and expect they'll do it again.

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  24. What's wrong with putting a little personality in with the name itself? Isn't it kind of cool that Pat Angerer said in an interview last week that he would play for the Colts even if they only payed him in "flannels and Coors light?" Come on, that's BA.
    And, if your name was Pencilman, a life of crime was really your only option.

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  25. Let's have a single region in each bracket filled with athletes, and let their fans duke it out. The other three brackets can be reserved for "regular citizens" who don't have huge built-in voting blocs.

    "Pat" is a normal, run of the mill name. This isn't "Surname of the Year."

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  26. Pat Angerer is simply not that funny a name. In fact, Angerer isn't that unusual a name in Bavaria--some of you may remember 1984 Olympic biathlon gold medalist Peter Angerer. (Btw, "Anger" means "village green" or "commons" in German.)

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  27. I thought this was "name of the year,
    " not "who's got the funniest name" or "funniest first name in America"

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  28. I think we're running into the problem where there is no established criteria as to what constitutes a great name. The fact that people are so vehemently arguing for or against people shows that there is no sort of consensus. Is this about having the best first name? Best last name? Best first name-last name combination? Is it really fair to yell at people for making judgment calls due to how vague the instructions are: vote for the best name?

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