Friday, April 30, 2010

Sweet 16: Chrotchtangle Regional

Our friends at Black Heart Gold Pants have acknowledged their old-school-tie support for Iowa linebacker and Chrotchtangle Regional No. 15 seed Pat Angerer, who upset No. 7 seed Furious Bradley in the first round. They've even acknowledged that the Hawkeye has an uphill battle in his regional semi-final against No. 3 seed Pencilman Jeffries.

Helmets off to you, Black Heart Gold Pants. It's not easy to set aside homerism in this or any competitive endeavor. But NOTY is a sacred trust. Your objective choices on these epic round-by-round questions will determine not just a "winner" but onomastic greatness.

Angerer, by the way, has his head on straight, too. He was asked recently how much of a dream it was growing up to make a NOTY ballot:

I think it’s every kid’s, but it wasn’t such a reality until I started believing in it.

OK, he was actually asked about playing in the NFL someday. But we don't see much of a difference.

This wraps up the Sweet 16 match-ups. Vote now, and please spread the word.

No. 16 Charity Beaver: “To learn that I really do make a difference in the lives of others is a good feeling.”
No. 4 Spartacus Bernstein: Taught cooking classes for men in 1973!

No. 3 Pencilman Jeffries: Drug dealer, murderer.

No. 15 Pat Angerer: Indianapolis Colt.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Sweet 16: Dragonwagon Regional

That's young Steele Sidebottom, Dragonwagon Regional No. 4 seed, Aussie rules footballer extraordinaire.

Steele was drafted by the Collingwood Magpies, who play in Melbourne. He used to be on the Murray Bushrangers, who play in Wangaratta -- Wang for short. In either locale, Steele is "used to copping a few comments about his name. And Sidebottom says that hasn’t been any different at Magpieland."

Magpieland! We love us some Aussie sports journalese.

“I’ve got a few nicknames like BlueScope and stuff,” Sidebottom said.

We looked it up. BlueScope is an Australian steel company. We love us some Aussie humor.

“They’re coming strong already … every time you sort of leave a room, they’re always [yelling] ‘Steele!’ and you turn around and they’re not looking.'

(Sidebottom sort of leaves the room.)


Steele has his Facebook posse (167 members). No. 1 seed Spontaneous Gordon has hers (66 fans). Unlike the earlier regional semis, this should be a close one. As should the region's other tilt, No. 3 Starzanne Stipes v. No. 15 Pamela Balls Organista

Both match-ups below. Vote.

No. 1 Spontaneous Gordon: Wilmington, Del., woman who drove into a bus.
No. 4 Steele Sidebottom: Medium defender with neat disposal by foot.

No. 3 Starzanne Stipes: Plays soccer in Zanesville, Ohio.

No. 15 Pamela Balls Organista: University of San Francisco psych prof.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sweet 16: Sithole Regional

That's a drawing by cartoonist Mark Poutenis that accompanied a story in the alt weekly Miami New Times a few weeks back about Sithole No. 1 seed God's Power Offor's NOTY bid.

Let's break it down: G.P. is on the left -- white, buff, and Christian, an apparent cross between Sampson and the Cowardly Lion -- smiting some NOTY challengers: Hitler (Makofane), Stalin (Felipe) and Dr. Speedy Nutz. We'll be pitching our NOTY superhero comic book and movie series in the morning.

In real life, of course, G.P. is a Nigeria-born junior defensive end at American High School in Hialeah, Fla. He really looks like this. He romped through the first round of balloting with a NOTY-leading 59 percent of his quadrant. And, as we previously chronicled, he loves his name.

And now we will go for the easy joke: It will take a ShaMiracle to stop G.P.O. in the Sithole. Vote now (two matches). And, of you haven't already, scroll down and vote in the Bulltron Regional, too.

No. 1 God's Power Offor: Miami favorite.
No. 4: ShaMiracle Johnson: Georgia law school graduate.

No. 11 Banana Yaya: Cameroonian soccer player.

No. 2 Tronic Williams: Western Michigan defensive back.

Teammates posted NOTY bracket in the locker room!

Sweet 16: Bulltron Regional

2010 NOTY champ Barkevious Mingo puppetmaster Spencer Hall recently dubbed this year's field "the Brazil '70 World Cup team of NOTY classes." The first-round results support that lofty claim.

A No. 1 seed, Just-in'love Smith, was bounced, a first. And that was just the beginning of the carnage. Dinero Fudge. Melted. Aristotle Socrates. Outthunk. Napoleon Einstein. Waterlooed. Hannukkah Wallace. Shalomed. (For the record, it was Hitler (Makofane) over Stalin (Felipe) in the dictator bracket.)

Now to the Sweet 16. We don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but as NOTY friend and sportswriter Michael Weinreb (preorder his new book) recently Tweeted, the all-but-certain Nohjay Nimpson-X'Zavier Bloodsaw regional final "could be the Duke-Kentucky of our age."

We'll do this one region per post, which means you have to cast two votes below. Godspeed.

No. 1 Nohjay Nimpson: St. Joe's women's track and fielder. She had a good fall season!
No. 12 Sequoyah Stonecipher: Greensboro Grasshoppers left fielder.

No. 14 Cynnamon Crabb: Wife of Iowa copper thief.

No. 2: X'Zavier Bloodsaw: Texas College quarterback.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

2010 NOTY: Sweet 16

As promised, we kept balloting in the final quadrants of the first round open until precisely midnight, and with good reason. The Chrotchtangle Regional battle between No. 7 Furious Bradley and No. 15 Pat Angerer was the closest race in NOTY history.

Final tally: Angerer 758, Bradley 755.

Drafted into the NFL, advancing in NOTY. Surely this was the greatest day in the life of one Pat Angerer. But let's also recognize Charity Beaver, who became the first No. 16 seed in NOTY history to take out a No. 1 (the great Just-in'love Smith).

Here are your Sweet 16 match-ups:

Bulltron Regional
No. 1 Nohjay Nimpson v. No. 12 Sequoyah Stonecipher
No. 14 Cynnamon Crabb v. No. 2 X'Zavier Bloodsaw

Sithole Regional
No. 1 God's Power Offor v. No. 4 ShaMiracle Johnson
No. 11 Banana Yaya v. No. 2 Tronic Williams

Dragonwagon Regional
No. 1 Spontaneous Gordon v. No. 4 Steele Sidebottom
No. 3 Starzanne Stipes v. No. 15 Pamela Balls Organista

Chrotchtangle Regional
No. 16 Charity Beaver v. No. 4 Spartacus Bernstein
No. 3 Pencilman Jeffries v. No. 15 Pat Angerer

10 a.m. update: Some late votes may appear to have pushed Furious Bradley past Pat Angerer. They don't count. Angerer wins.

Friday, April 23, 2010

NOTY in the NFL

Let give a NOTY cheer for Chrotchtangle No. 15 seed Pat Angerer, who was selected a short time ago by the Indianapolis Colts in the second round of the NFL draft.

Just because we're not big fans of Angerer's upset bid in the Crotch doesn't mean we're not proud. When a NOTY name makes it big, we bask in its reflected glory.

So it's been a good day, because Angerer wasn't the only NOTY talent on Mel Kiper's draft board. Congrats also to Mississippi running back Dexter McCluster, a No. 6 seed in the 2009 NOTY Tournament, who was taken earlier in the second round by the Kansas City Chiefs.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Let's Vote, People

It's a NOTY tradition: Voting tails off in the Chrotchtangle, the last of the four NOTY regionals.

Why? Human nature, we guess. The masses get excited about the arrival of the ballot. They vote eagerly in the Bulltron and the Sithole. Then the media spotlight dims and less important duties intrude: work, relationships, children.

But in this age of Twitter and Facebook, there is no excuse for shirking one's democratic responsibility. Subscribe to NOTY in an RSS or other feeder of your choice, for crying out loud.

Because low turnout can have dire consequences. In this case, the potential first-round elimination of Selathious Bobo and Furious Bradley by voters substituting youthful collegiate partisanship for onomastic quality.

We'll leave open the balloting in the bottom of the Dragonwagon and the Chrotchtangle for a couple more days before starting the Sweet 16. Scroll down and vote now. And may justice prevail.

Monday, April 19, 2010

2010 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 4

This could be our favorite quadrant in the tournament. All football players. All with major name 'tude. And some anger-management issues.

These guys should get together and do a cop show or a superhero comic book.

Pick one.

No. 7 Furious Bradley: Mississippi h.s. running back.
No. 10 Whitney Mercilus: Illinois defensive lineman.
No. 2 Wave Ryder: Hawaii h.s. safety. Who has committed to Navy. Yes, Navy.
No. 15 Pat Angerer: Iowa linebacker.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

2010 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 3

Quadrant 3 of the Chrotchtangle Regional, named for 1991 Name of the Year Doby Chrotchtangle. Vote

Chrotchtangle Update: Foxy Foxworth has been INVALIDATED and removed from the ballot. His actual name, well hidden, unsurprisingly, on the interwebs, is Eugene. But the South Carolina tight end did make the 2008-09 SEC Fall Honor Roll. Congratulations, Eugene!

No. 3 Pencilman Jeffries: New Hampshire heroin dealer.
No. 14 Frantanzy Bryant: Florida h.s. safety.
No. 6 Foxy Foxworth: INVALIDATED.
No. 11 Romulus Marino: Pennsylvania h.s. quarterback.

2010 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 2

Meet Chrotchtangle Regional No. 5 seed Flavius Killebrew. He's the president of Texas A&M-Corpus Christi. He's 6-foot-7, 250 pounds. He's got an excellent stash -- and an excellent perspective on what it means to have a name of both note and NOTY.

"It's kind of a fun deal," Killebrew said. "With a name like Flavius, you're used to going through life with people saying, 'Your name's what?' When I was a kid, I didn't have much problem because I was so much bigger in height. As an adult, most somewhat educated people know it's Roman and comes out of Shakespeare."

Dr. Killebrew clearly possesses a rare quality for an academic: He doesn't take himself too seriously. He made the above comments in an interview with the Corpus Christi Caller about his NOTY nomination. That story says that we emailed the president and that he was "skeptical" but asked a university spokesman to check us out. We never got in touch; we're guessing that he was referring to our Canadian reporter friend Misty Harris, to whom Killebrew acknowledged the benefits of a NOTY-worthy name.

"And as an adult, [the name] has been a good thing. ... It’s hard for people to forget me. I’m 6-foot-7, for one thing, and I’ve got a distinctive name, so I literally stand out in a crowd."

We like the good president for more than just his onomastic attitude. His name is a rare and beautiful juxtaposition of Roman history and baseball history, of the bard and the ballyard, of Julius Caesar and Cesar Tovar.

And if you need proof that life imitates art -- we're not well-read enough to have done this intentionally -- look no further than Act 1, Scene 1 of Julius Caesar, in which Flavius asks a passing laborer:

Thou art a cobbler, art thou?

Oh, he's a cobbler, all right.

No. 5 Flavius Killebrew: Above.
No. 12 Mister Cobble: Kentucky defensive tackle.
No. 4 Spartacus Bernstein: Brooklyn man named in 1990 New York Times story.
No. 13 Bambang Parmanto: Disgraced science journal editor.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

2010 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional, Part 1

When a member of the television media interviews someone with an unusual name about his unusual name, hilarity usually abounds. If there’s a joke to be made about your name, it’s probably already been made. But frozen-smile teleprompter readers are required to behave as if they’ve discovered something the subject has never considered.

What’s that you say? My name is Barkevious? I did not realize!

This interview by ESPN's Jay Crawford with Chrotchtangle Regional No. 1 seed Just-in’love Smith is a classic of the genre. At the time he appeared on the four-letter last fall, Smith was a 26-year-old guard for Siena. Why so old? Because he served four years in the military, including one in Iraq. Sounds like an interesting guy. Let’s see how Jay handled the assignment:

What’s in a name? For Siena basketball player Just-in’love Smith, an awful lot.

Rhetorical cliche. Inane follow up. Perfect.

You might say he’s arrived ... just in time.

And the 2009 ESPY for Worst Script Writing goes to ... Jay Crawford!

Welcome to the program, Just-in. I’m sure there is a fan-tas-tic story behind [swallowed anchorman chuckle] your name. What is that story?

Just-in’s brain: Let’s see if I can get this over with quickly.

Uh, my mother named me Just-in’love because she was just in love with me.

Very nice! I like that! Short, sweet!

I’m glad you like the simple answer I’ve concocted to get asshats like you to shut up.

What do your teammates think of your name?

Ask me about Iraq, man. Or what it's like to be a 26-year-old D-I walk-on. Or about my dead mother.

I’m wondering what the ladies think of your name?

They love my name. but I’m engaged, so now it’s like the name is no good for the ladies no more.

You’d think that answer would have embarrassed Jay into moving on to other topics. But no. He needs to ask about Just-in’s nicknames “back home.” Then the requisite question about his military service. Then an inquiry into his aspiration to be a stand-up comic. And whether he’ll use his name as part his act.

Jay Crawford: Just-in'sufferable.


No. 1 Just-in'love Smith: Above.
No. 16 Charity Beaver: Dallas personal trainer.
No. 8 Dr. Festus Dada: Gastric-bypass specialist suing Lenny Dykstra.
No. 9 Karma Sherpa: New York cabbie.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

NOTY on Twitter

Not only are our Australian friends pimping for their boy, Dragonwagon Regional No. 4 seed Steele Sidebottom, they're pimping for NOTY, too.

Adelaide blogger Upshake -- who has subtitled his site in honor of the "Man of Steele" -- has started a NOTY Twitter feed. You can follow the action @NOTYresults. If you Tweet about the tournament, make sure to use the hashtag #noty.

And don't forget to become a fan of Name of the Year on Facebook. We're at 571 and counting.

Speaking of results, No. 1 seed Spontaneous Gordon advances easily in the first quadrant of the Dragonwagon with 54 percent of the vote. Balloting continues in the the other three contests below. Scroll and vote now.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

2010 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional, Part 4

"WHO IS VOTING FOR STEELE SIDEBOTTOM?!?!" asks NOTY commenter Whit Perkins.

We'll tell you who. Australia.

The 19-year-old midfielder with the Collingwood Magpies of the Australian Football League currently has 50 percent of the vote in Part 2 of this regional. He's also getting a lot of buzz Down Under. Some Aussie has even started a Facebook page for his candidacy. Oy oy oy.

People, we could have another Spaceman Africa situation here. And we don't mean a name-changer; we mean a worldwide get-out-the-vote drive.

It's on, Australia. It is so on.

The bottom of the Dragonwagon. Vote for one:

No. 7 Selathious Bobo: Alleged meth dealer. No link, but we've seen the legal documents. Federal docket Nos. 99-6013; 99-6014
No. 10: Can Du: RAND Corp. researcher.
No. 2 TyQuan Hammock: Michigan State linebacker.
No. 15 Pamela Balls Organista: University of San Francisco psychologist.

2010 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional, Part 3

Quadrant 3 of the Dragonwagon. Vote.

No. 3 Starzanne Stipes: Walsh University women's soccer player.
No. 14 Magnum Rolle: Louisiana Tech basketball player.
No. 6 Aristotle Socrates: Princeton theoretical astrophysicist.
No. 11 Pepi Hamburger: 103-year-old woman happy-birthdayed by Willard Scott.

Monday, April 12, 2010

2010 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional, Part 2

NOTY is getting a ton of pub this spring, for which we are grateful. Here's a quick sampler.

--Former Deadspinner Rick Chandler weighs in at Out of Bounds on NBC
--Enterprising Canadian reporter Misty Harris (good name!) emails various NOTY contestants, with excellent results.
--NOTY friend Dan Levy breaks down the bracket for The Sporting Blog.
--2009 NOTY Barkevious Mingo puppetmaster and Every Day Should Be Saturday proprietor Spencer Hall interviews us on SB Nation.
--Hall joins NOTY friend Drew Magary to break down the bracket on the Deadcast.
--The Miami New Times pumps up the love for local product God's Power Offor.
--The Fort Myers News-Times asks Sithole Regional No. 2 seed Tronic Williams about NOTY. (He hasn't voted yet!)
--And, finally, Roll Call (subscription required) tracks down Dragonwagon Regional No. 13 seed Pizza Ashby, a Democratic staffer on the House Homeland Security Committee, for her story:

Her mother was really hungry on the day she was born (it was Christmas) and named her after a commercial that came on TV. “I’m just glad there wasn’t a commercial for hot dogs,” Ashby says. “Or else things could have turned out differently.”

Think she's used that line before? Vote for one.

No. 5 Dinero Fudge: Milwaukee student.
No. 12 Shevelle Six: 2009 Spelling Bee competitor.
No. 4 Steele Sidebottom: Australian rules footballer.
No. 13 Pizza Ashby: Congressional staffer.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Pardon the Interruption

Sorry, NOTY voters. We were out of town, swamped with work and unable to find even a smidge of time to post the next rounds of NOTY balloting.

But fear not. Dragonwagon Regional voting will resume tomorrow, Monday, April 12, and we'll blow through the rest of the first round and get to the Sweet 16.

Meantime, balloting in the Sithole Regional is officially closed. Advancing in the Sithole are: No. 1 God's Power Offor, No. 4 ShaMiracle Johnson, No. 11 Banaya Yaya and No. 2 Tronic Williams.

Can anyone stop G.P.O.? Stay tuned.

Monday, April 5, 2010

NOTY on Facebook

Please join our new, cleverly named Facebook group: Name of the Year. We'll use it to link back to the blog to update you, The People, when a new round of voting has begun and on other crucial NOTY news and information.

We've already invited our closest Facebook friend, the omnipotent Barkevious Mingo, to become a fan. Destiny Frankenstein, we're waiting for you.

2010 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional, Part 1

Balloting in the Bulltron Regional is officially closed. The No. 1 and 2 seeds -- Nohjay Nimpson and X'Zavier Bloodsaw -- move on to the Sweet 16 with, respectively, 40 percent and 50 percent of the vote in their quadrants. (Farewell, Lolita Respectnothing; the tip of the tongue took a trip much too short.)

A couple of upsets in the other two quadrants: No. 12 Sequoyah Stonecipher romped, while No. 14 Cynammon Crabb ended the dream Hannukkah Wallace-Hitler Makofane second-round matchup, and took out Stalin Felipe, too. Clearly, Hannukkah, Hitler and Stalin divided the vote.

On to the Dragonwagon Regional, named for our good friend, 1993 NOTY Crescent Dragonwagon. Vote for one:

No. 1 Spontaneous Gordon: Delaware woman who crashed her car into a parked bus.
No. 16 Shy Ely: NBDL guard. Full name: Shyron Quonell Ely. Son of Shy-Quon and Jean Ely.
No. 8 King Jamell Modest: Albany teen murder suspect.
No. 9 Gregor Schwinghammer Jr.: Florida lawyer.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

2010 NOTY: Sithole Regional, Part 4

We love this quadrant of the Sithole Regional. Some high-quality, old-school names that have it going both ways. And Tronic Williams, who's only got it going one way, but that one way is all the way. Tronic struck us as so cool, so hip, so e-lec-tronic that he climbed in the seedings despite, or perhaps because of, his pedestrian surname.

But let's discuss Nubian Peak, full name Nubian Shabazz-Zoser Peak, a Virginia Tech redshirt freshman flanker. His parents, Vernon and Donna Peak, named him, the Roanoke Times reports, "after the Nubians, an African ethnic group known for their intelligence, wealth and progressive culture."

“They were a very smart race,” Nubian Peak said. “And my dad just felt — well, I didn’t really know what he was thinking at the time — but he just stuck me with that name. It has a lot of sentimental meaning to me. A lot of people don’t understand, but I take pride in it.”

We understand. Fully.

Vote for one:

No. 7 Nubian Peak: Above.
No. 10 Daequon Montreal: Boise State forward.
No. 2 Tronic Williams: Western Michigan safety. In the news!
No. 15 Waver Brickhouse: Brooklyn woman victimized in mortgage scam.

Just So We're Clear

Given the tragic invalidation of the pseudonymous Dick Smallberries Jr. and the necessary expulsions of the nicknamed Charles "Two" Willis and Artina "Peachy" Trader, as a public service we're reposting the above jpeg and a link to the printable pdf of what we surely hope is the official and final 2010 Name of the Year Ballot.

Logistics: First-round voting will remain open for one week after the post date, or close to it anyway. Since we didn't give advance notice on a timetable, we'll leave open voting in Part 1 of the Bulltron Regional until tomorrow night, Sunday, April 4, and then start shutting down the other quadrants one day at a time.

At this rate, we'll crown a 2010 NOTY in May. But you know it'll be worth the wait.