Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Your 2009 Name of the Year Ballot

It includes a reverend (Valentine Handwerker) and a doctor (Shasta Kielbasa). It is Nutritious: a Taco, a Trout, a Muffin and some Cake (and Shasta and Kielbasa, too). It is soft as Velvet and shiny as Crystal and cool as . . . Kool. It will take you to Brooklyn and Dallas and Parris. Its Gauntlett is Mighty and its Parrotis Buff.

It is the 2009 Name of the Year Ballot.

We can’t imagine topping last year’s death struggle between Destiny Frankenstein and Spaceman Africa. But we live in hope.

The No. 1 seeds are as worthy as ever: Taco Vandervelde in the Bulltron Regional, Calamity McEntire in the Sithole, the aforementioned Rev. Valentine Handwerker in the Dragonwagon and Iris Macadangdang in the Chrotchtangle.

A quality blend of naming styles, to be sure. But questions abound. Can Cherish Frankenstein ride her sister's coattails? Will Jazzario Barrios go all Coltrane on the Sithole? Will Iona Kniple also own a Bulltron? And what about Dallas Lauderdale in the Dragonwagon? Shades of 1998 Name of the Year L.A. St. Louis.

So who didn't make the tournament? A disappointed crop of onomastic talent, including Landocalrissan Butler, Batman Bin Supraman (just because), Taffi Dollar, Elvis Magno and Elvis Rambo (one Elvis per field), Quetzalcoatl Carrasco, Hugh G. Dick, Sparkle Wisdom, NaToya Dingle, Darren QX Bean!, Dalcapone Alpaccino Morris, Precious Valentine (one Valentine. . .), Truly Lo, Elizabeth Little-Lamb, Dick Sackman, Bo Ladyman , Deep Master and many more.

And to all of you who nominated 7-foot-1 Alabama State center Chief Kickingstallionsims, who makes his NCAA tournament debut this week, thanks. He was finished 30th in 2007.

But enough talk. Print the ballot. Study it. Fill it. Debate it. Spread the word. Then make your voice heard.

The first round of voting will begin here shortly.

Art by the brilliant 289.