Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Your 2009 Name of the Year Ballot

It includes a reverend (Valentine Handwerker) and a doctor (Shasta Kielbasa). It is Nutritious: a Taco, a Trout, a Muffin and some Cake (and Shasta and Kielbasa, too). It is soft as Velvet and shiny as Crystal and cool as . . . Kool. It will take you to Brooklyn and Dallas and Parris. Its Gauntlett is Mighty and its Parrotis Buff.

It is the 2009 Name of the Year Ballot.

We can’t imagine topping last year’s death struggle between Destiny Frankenstein and Spaceman Africa. But we live in hope.

The No. 1 seeds are as worthy as ever: Taco Vandervelde in the Bulltron Regional, Calamity McEntire in the Sithole, the aforementioned Rev. Valentine Handwerker in the Dragonwagon and Iris Macadangdang in the Chrotchtangle.

A quality blend of naming styles, to be sure. But questions abound. Can Cherish Frankenstein ride her sister's coattails? Will Jazzario Barrios go all Coltrane on the Sithole? Will Iona Kniple also own a Bulltron? And what about Dallas Lauderdale in the Dragonwagon? Shades of 1998 Name of the Year L.A. St. Louis.

So who didn't make the tournament? A disappointed crop of onomastic talent, including Landocalrissan Butler, Batman Bin Supraman (just because), Taffi Dollar, Elvis Magno and Elvis Rambo (one Elvis per field), Quetzalcoatl Carrasco, Hugh G. Dick, Sparkle Wisdom, NaToya Dingle, Darren QX Bean!, Dalcapone Alpaccino Morris, Precious Valentine (one Valentine. . .), Truly Lo, Elizabeth Little-Lamb, Dick Sackman, Bo Ladyman , Deep Master and many more.

And to all of you who nominated 7-foot-1 Alabama State center Chief Kickingstallionsims, who makes his NCAA tournament debut this week, thanks. He was finished 30th in 2007.

But enough talk. Print the ballot. Study it. Fill it. Debate it. Spread the word. Then make your voice heard.

The first round of voting will begin here shortly.

Art by the brilliant 289.

50 comments:

  1. very sad not to see

    "Dalcapone Alpaccino Morris"

    unreal.

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  2. Ohhhh man. In the Bulltron Regional, Barkevious Mingo vs Chew Kok? That's just a cruel first round matchup. A great non-juvenile name vs an all time juvenile selection.

    If Landocalrissan Butler can't make the field, this is going to be a hell of a tournament.

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. My early sleeper favorites in the NOTY bracket: Crystal Metheny, Barge Upender, and either of Chuck Fugger and Virginia Woo-Raspberry (it's a shame they face off in Round 1!)

    Sithole Region is inexplicably weak; and I honestly think the #1 seeds are a little staid. Good names, but none of them has that spark that makes a truly great name. Iona Kniple, on the other hand, might have it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm not sure I can participate in a bracket where Quetzalcoatl Carrasco doesnt make the cut.

    Thats a brutal loss for humanity.

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  6. Marris Ya'Hynis Wilson feels a bit like nostalgia for Yourhighness Morgan, one of my all-time favourites. The rhyme of the first two names is devastated by the Wilson.

    Way to juxtapose the #8 and #9 seeds of the Bulltron Regional.

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  7. The Bulltron Regional is stacked. Chew Kok, Iona Knipl and Crystal Metheny all have good shots at coming out.

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  8. I know a chick named Jocelyn Cox. No joke. Is it too late to nominate her???

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  9. Just about anyone from the Chrotchtangle is capable of winning it all. For the other regions, I'd pick Barkevious Mingo, Nutritious Love and Velvet Milkman.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'd put my money on either Nutritious Love or Crystal Metheny.

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  11. Lache Seastrunk? really?
    no love for Diego Seastrunk, all college world series third baseman for Rice as a freshman in 07?

    neither should be in it really.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bulltron regional is going to be brutal. Which sucks for me, because I submitted Muffin Lord. Poor Muffin is going to run into a buzzsaw if she gets to round 3 and has to matchup with the winner of (I presume) Crystal Metheny and Chastity Clapp.

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  13. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  14. Gerardus Mauritius Natuitasina "Natu" TuatagaloaMarch 17, 2009 at 6:58 PM

    Uranus Golden vs. Katie Cumalat in round one? That's a sophomoric combinational doozy. They should both advance.

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  15. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  16. I'm going with Juvyline Cubangbang to win it all.

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  17. I have to choose between Cherish(who's sister I championed last year with my vote and would like to take up her cause) against the amazing Shasta Keilbasa in the 1st Round?

    That's just mean....

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  18. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  19. Hey don't sleep on Richard Titball, the 11 seed in the Sithole Region. Dude's got game.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm also riding the Titball bandwagon. He has no weaknesses as far as I can gather.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Nothing would make me happier than a matchup between Iris Macadangdang and Juvyline Cubangbang in the Final Four.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Pierre Champoux '09
    Best NHL linesman ever.

    ReplyDelete
  23. . . . and its Wang is no longer Moonlit, but merely Long.

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  24. Crystal Metheny has a good shot, especially if the Chicago White Sox fans get out and vote.

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