Friday, February 29, 2008

2008 NOTY Week One Roundup: Vote Now!

Missed a vote? Like a member of Congress? We understand. For your convenience, we've prepared this handy week-ending list of the first-round match-ups posted so far in the 2008 NOTY Tournament. Cast your ballots now.

Bulltron Regional:

Introduction, ballot and No. 1 Destiny Frankenstein v. No. 16 Maurkice Pouncey
No. 2 Manix Auriantal v. No. 15 Silky Labie
No. 3 Knowshon Moreno v. No. 14 Urban Couch
No. 4 Perfect Engelberger v. No. 13 Othello Cheeks
No. 5 Firm Dinkins v. No. 12 Dom Perignon Champagne
No. 6 Weekendfer Saurit v. No. 11 Jabu Lovelace
No. 7 Da'Veed Dildy v. No. 10 Spaceman Africa
No. 8 Thankgod Amaefule v. No. 9 Gorgeous Morgan

Sithole Regional:

No. 1 Fabio Assalone v. No. 16 Clarence Clapsaddle
No. 3 Dominitrix Johnson v. No. 14 Travis Trim
No. 4 Hurtis Chinn v. No. 13 Mackintosh Muggleton
No. 5 Terdsak Jandaeng v. No. 12 Bridget Midgett
No. 8 Genesis Lightbourne v. No. 9 Phyllis Mangina

We'll be back on Monday with more action on the Road to the Final Four!

NOTY on TV

We made a lengthy appearance this week on Comcast SportsNet's fabulous Blog Show hosted by Dan Steinberg of the D.C. Sports Bog and Mr. Irrelevant's Jamie Mottram. Steinz sports a Vanilla Dong T-shirt. The blogerati break down the 2008 NOTY field around the 4:40 mark. But do watch the entire show.

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 3 Dominitrix Johnson v. No. 14 Travis Trim

As Gilbert Arenas can attest, it's never a good idea to trim your johnson.

2008 NOTY First Round: Sithole Regional

No. 3 Dominitrix Johnson: Illinois State point guard. Submits to no one.

No. 14 Travis Trim: Shot a New York state trooper. Suspected of shooting two others. Holed up in a house. "Fugitive Trim Surrounded," headline read. It did not end well.

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Dominitrix Johnson
Travis Trim

pollcode.com free polls

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 4 Hurtis Chinn v. No. 13 Mackintosh Muggleton

We're halfway through the Sithole Regional, where, as in life, a strong Chinn is preferable to a pretty Mugg. Vote.

2008 NOTY First Round: Sithole Regional

No. 4 Hurtis Chinn: Wide receiver for the RiverCity Rage of the United Indoor Football League. Teammate of Hall of Name member Moses Regular.

No. 13 Mackintosh Muggleton: Cheeky-looking British actor boy whose name sounds like that of a Hogwarts first-form.

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Hurtis Chinn
Mackintosh Muggleton

pollcode.com free polls



A Word from the Commissioner

I am the High Commissioner of the Name of the Year Committee.

You don't hear from me very often. That's mainly because I hate technology. Though I have one, I despise the Blackberry. Though I use one, I balked at the personal computer. Though I carry a Metrocard, I long for the subway token. Buh-log? It’s taken me a while to get on board, even for one in honor of my greatest creation.

But we're here. And while you, my children, have helped make NOTY an oasis in the interweb desert, you have strayed. You cull names from the series of tubes. You worship in the temple of the name changers. Worst of all, you are obsessed with Dong (Vanilla) and Poon (Poony).

So like Moses (the one in the Bible, not the Hall of Name), I feel it necessary to come down from the mountaintop to offer some Wisdom Bleboo before you screw everything up.

So here's the skinny from the High C:

Sithole Regional: There's too much sex in the Sithole. And too much sex weakens the legs. Assalone, Clapsaddle, Johnson, Trim, Horse Dick, Licking, Moustache—they’re not going to have anything left for the later rounds. Looking for a long shot? Bridget Midgett. [Editor’s note: Um...]

Bulltron Regional: We (the NOTY Seeding Committee) must have been drunk (or podcasting) when we did the Bulltron. Except for Frankenstein and Thankgod, I've got the 'dog winning every first-round match. The sea shall part for Silky Labie—until she meets her Destiny.

Chrotchtangle Regional: The best matchups of the tourney! Fonda Dicks v. Poony Poon in the Chrotch 16. Pansy Ho v. Cash Dixon Ringo Starlight in the Chrotch 8. Get the kids to bed early.

Dragonwagon Regional: The 'wagon is up for grabs. Double-E Steeve Ho's gonna have to deal with a full-sentence high (Have-A-Look Dube) and the always-tough legacy name (Daniel Best-Spicehandler, spawn of 2004 NOTY Jerome Fruithandler and fictitious NOTY legend Billy Joe Spicemonger). And no one should look past this year's Olive McWeeney (Edward McClammy).

Destiny Frankenstein got a great draw in the weakest part of the bracket. And she's really flexing in her first-round game. More blowouts to come as we continue on the road to the eventual crowning of Destiny Frankenstein as the 2008 NOTY.

Bet your Dong on it.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 5 Terdsak Jandaeng v. No. 12 Bridget Midgett

Quoth a Deadspin commenter: "Come on the 12-5 upset HAS to be Bridget Midgett over Terdsak Jandaeng... Wait, I just read that second name out loud."

2008 NOTY First Round: Sithole Regional

No. 5 Terdsak Jandaeng: Sinewy southpaw featherweight. Subject of one of our favorite posts. NOTY cousin to 2007 fourth-place finisher Kyle Sackrider.

No. 12 Bridget Midgett: Probably pronounced mi-JET. But whatever. Stirs fond memories of former nominees Clinton Hinton and Shula Hula.

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Terdsak Jandaeng
Bridget Midgett

pollcode.com free polls


2008 NOTY First Round: No. 8 Genesis Lightbourne v. No. 9 Phyllis Mangina

We love us some women's basketball.

2008 NOTY First Round: Sithole Regional

No. 8 Genesis Lightbourne: In the beginning, God said let there be Lightbourne. (Yes, we know there's a discrepancy with the ballot. Someone on the NOTY Nominating Committee mistyped the Iowa State women’s basketball player's name.)

No. 9 Phyllis Mangina: Respected Seton Hall women’s basketball coach. No relation to Mark Mangino or Eric Mangini. Still awaiting coaches named Manginu and Mangine. Her nomination makes us a little uncomfortable.
Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Genesis Lightbourne
Phyllis Mangina

pollcode.com free polls

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 1 Fabio Assalone v. No. 16 Clarence Clapsaddle

The first round of the Bulltron Regional is complete--but voting continues on every match until the entire first round of the tournament is done. Onto the Sithole Regional, named for the legendary Godfrey Sithole.

2008 NOTY First Round: Sithole Regional

No. 1 Fabio Assalone: Accounting clerk on staff of The Sopranos. Relation to mixed martial arts fighter Pat Assalone unclear.

No. 16 Clarence Clapsaddle: Mid-20th century U.S. Army colonel who, fittingly, was in the cavalry. Foreshadowing the rise of NOTY, Time magazine in a 1941 article saw fit to footnote a mention of one Brig. Gen. Harry Lewis Twaddle with other interestingly named military officers, including Andrew Hero 3rd, Strong Boozer, Rollo Ditto, Jud Yoho, Donald Wackwitz and the nominee. We also have a photo of a young Clarence.

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Fabio Assalone
Clarence Clapsaddle

pollcode.com free polls

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 2 Manix Auriantal v. No. 15 Silky Labie

We have a feeling the gutter-minded out there will give this 15 seed the nod against a classic going-both-ways name that references both bad 1970s television and a continent.

2008 NOTY First Round: Bulltron Regional

No. 2 Manix Auriantal: Globetrotting minor-league basketball player from Canada by way of Haiti. Brothers named Hennssy and Rodwins. We're hoping first name is an intentional homage to the detective series about a convertible-driving Armenian-American Korean War vet.

No. 15 Silky Labie: Florida environmental bureaucrat. Google asks: "Did you mean: silky labia." The computers are taking over! Run for your lives!

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Manix Auriantal
Silky Labie

pollcode.com free polls

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 7 Da'Veed Dildy v. No. 10 Spaceman Africa

Punctuation makes a welcome debut in the tournament, facing off against an invented name. Given the sharp divisions on the NOTY Committee over this issue, we're surprised this name made the field.

2008 NOTY First Round: Bulltron Regional

No. 7 Da'Veed Dildy: Stanford men's basketball player. Excellent use of apostrophe. Extra credit for innovative spelling of pedestrian first name. Then there's his surname.

No. 10 Spaceman Africa: Drunken English soccer fan who changed his name. Buddy Crazy Horse Invincible didn’t make the cut.

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Da'Veed Dildy
Spaceman Africa

pollcode.com free polls

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 6 Weekendfer Saurit v. No. 11 Jabu Lovelace

We just love this match-up. It's a shame someone has to lose.

2008 NOTY First Round: Bulltron Regional

No. 6 Weekendfer Saurit: 268-pound high-school defensive tackle in Houston. 800-pound name.

No. 11 Jabu Lovelace: Rutgers backup quarterback. Pronounced zha-BOO. Let's quote Every Day Should Be Saturday: ``Must have stolen his name from the first draft of Oliver Stone’s Any Given Sunday script or from the rolls of herpes test pseudonyms.’’ And there’s video!
Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Weekendfer Saurit
Jabu Lovelace

pollcode.com free polls

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 3 Knowshon Moreno v. No. 14 Urban Couch

Welcome to Day Three of the 2008 NOTY Tournament. One note: First-round voting will continue until (and after) all 32 matches have been posted. So if you miss a game, go back and be a good citizen. Today's first battle: creative naming versus a Couch with a better first name than Tim.

2008 NOTY First Round: Bulltron Regional

No. 3 Knowshon Moreno: Superstar Georgia tailback. Routed Ynot Bubba to win Name of the Week. First name combines that of mother Varashon—herself named for a short-story character—and the word ``know.’’ Surname honors Pittsburgh Pirates centerfielder we affectionately dubbed ``Omar the Out-Maker.’’

No. 14 Urban Couch: Cherokee-descended art professor at West Virginia University who died last year. Wonder if he became frightened whenever he saw a burning couch.

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Knowshon Moreno
Urban Couch

pollcode.com free polls


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 4 Perfect Engleberger v. No. 13 Othello Cheeks

Fans will want to see an all-inthe-family Engleberger-Champagne second-round tilt. But with references to Shakespeare and basketball, Othello Cheeks is another strong example of the going-both-ways doctrine.

2008 NOTY First Round: Bulltron Regional

No. 4 Perfect Engleberger: Could face murdered son Dom Perignon Champagne next. It just worked out that way. Really.

No. 13 Othello Cheeks: Plaintiff in civil-rights lawsuit in New York. Lost Name of the Week vote to Chrotchtangle Regional No. 2 seed Free-King Afrika.

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?

Perfect Engleberger
Othello Cheeks

pollcode.com free polls

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 5 Firm Dinkins v. No. 12 Dom Perignon Champagne

Watch out for those 5-12 upsets! Some folks think that Dom Perignon Champagne was underseeded. But Firm Dinkins has it going both ways--a respected quality among NOTY veterans. Vote.

2008 NOTY First Round: Bulltron Regional

No. 5 Firm Dinkins: Honor-roll student at Montana State University. Mayoral. Firm.

No. 12 Dom Perignon Champagne: Killed in drive-by shooting in 2004. Son of Jeron Champagne and Bulltron Regional No. 4 seed Perfect Engleberger.
Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Firm Dinkins
Dom Perignon Champagne

pollcode.com freepolls

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 8 Thankgod Amaefule v. No. 9 Gorgeous Morgan

Thanks to NOTY friends Deadspin, the D.C. Sports Bog, Dan Shanoff, Awful Announcing and others, the opening day of the 2008 Name of the Year Tournament was a blockbuster. But if we're going to crown a champion before the country elects a president, we need to do some serious voting. We'll be posting two to four matchups daily for the next two weeks. Check back often.

2008 NOTY First Round: Bulltron Regional

No. 8 Thankgod Amaefule: Nigerian footballer. Bested a slew of excellent African soccer names for spot on ballot. Say his last name out loud.

No. 9 Gorgeous Morgan: Cousin of 2007 NOTY 13th-place finisher Yourhighness Morgan. Another cousin, Handsome, and brother Prince didn't make the cut.

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?
Thankgod Amaefule
Gorgeous Morgan

pollcode.com free polls

Monday, February 25, 2008

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 1 Destiny Frankenstein v. No. 16 Maurkice Pouncey

Twenty-five years ago. Thriller. Grenada. The Evil Empire. Lorenzo Charles. The Hitler Diaries. The Pine Tar Game. The Apple Lisa.

Name of the Year.

We’ve come a long way since Hector “Macho” Camacho upset the late Baskerville Holmes to become the first Name of the Year in 1983. How long? Two words: Vanilla Dong.

It will indeed be tough to top last year’s winner. But we’re going to try. We whittled nearly 300 names down to a final 64. We seeded the field. We even podcast the proceedings.

Now it’s up to you. Print the ballot. Fill it out. Argue the merits of No. 1 seeds Destiny Frankenstein, Steeve Ho You Fat, Fabio Assalone and Reprobatus Bibbs. Debate whether Dom Perignon Champagne was robbed with a No. 12 seed or whether No. 5 Baffelly Woo can take out No. 4 Poony Poon in an inevitable second-round matchup. Start a pool. If you want, send us your Final Fours.

But we’re still exhausted from tabulating last year’s ballots. So we’re voting online. Starting now, we’ll roll out two to four first-round pairings a day in the four NOTY regions—Bulltron, Sithole, Chrotchtangle and Dragonwagon, honoring some Hall of Name legends—with a big build-up to the Final Four. So check back regularly.

And we know: Brian Suksomwong didn’t make the field. Because he changed his name. The NOTY High Court ruled that if you can get on the ballot with a legal name change, you can stay off it that way, too. So everyone’s favorite trumpeter will be watching from home with LaceDarius Dunn, Boy Waterman, Lisa Shot With Arrow (it was a bad year for Native American names), Dick Swett (it was a bad year for Dicks, too), British Footman, DarQuavis Tucker, Jupiter Crabtree, Kosuke Fukudome, Joebar Damosmog, Poopa Dweck, Unique Bishop, Kingjack Washington and 200 or so other eminently worthy nominees. Next year, we’ll do an NIT.

Let’s get started:

2008 NOTY First Round: Bulltron Regional

No. 1 Destiny Frankenstein: Former All-American softball player. Celebrated by Big Daddy Drew. Wrote to us.

No. 16 Maurkice Pouncey: 300-pound Florida offensive lineman. Full name LaShawn Maurkice Pouncey. Twin brother disappointingly named Michael. Reminds us a little of Lucious Pusey.

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?

Destiny Frankenstein
Maurkice Pouncey
pollcode.com free polls

Many thanks to the incomparable 289 for the NOTY Tournament logo and NOTY banner, and to Kissing Suzy Kolber's illustrious Monday Morning Punter for the site redesign.

Friday, February 15, 2008

2008 NOTY: The Podcast

The NOTY Seeding Committee gathered recently in a saloon in lower Manhattan to enjoy one of the happiest nights of our year. A waitress remembered us, grabbed our master list and critiqued the nominees for the 2008 NOTY Tournament. We feigned interest and returned to the business of selecting the field.

It wasn’t easy. We received close to 300 nominees, many accompanied by absolutely fantastic verification. We considered a 256-name tourney, but that seemed a bit unwieldy. So we settled on the usual 64. The High Commissioner announced the nominees one by one. Two nays from the four-member committee bounced a name from the field. After three trips through the roster, we got down to 64. Then we seeded everyone.

The High Commissioner wore headphones and a microphone attached to a laptop. And talked. For three hours. Then he took a day off to edit the proceedings into a 10-minute podcast. We mocked him, but the final product is strangely compelling, especially once you get used to the High C’s mob-functionary voice, which after three decades of friendship we’ve almost managed to do.

Next week, we’ll post the full ballot and begin online voting for the 2008 Name of the Year. In the meantime, enjoy the show.