Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Another Word From the Commissioner

We roused the NOTY High Commissioner from a suburban Tequila Mink bender—obscure NOTY reference; Mink was a rejected nominee—to get his thoughts on the second round.

Honestly? I missed out on some of the first-round action. I'm old. And tired. Didn't even vote in every matchup! Back in the day, mine was the only vote that counted. [Ed.: Which explains Hector Camacho.] They followed me like sheep! But fortunately I have lots of folks working for me at NOTY. So I had some coffeine, read the blog and compiled a little Knowledge Renwick for you.

The second round has something for everyone. Matchups too good to be true. Dicks-Poon. Assalone-Mangina. Licking-Horse Dick. We didn’t rig it to turn out this way. Honest.

Sithole: A boxer versus a wideout. I mistakenly dropped Terdsak Jandaeng in the first round. Time to make amends: Terdsak over Chinn. We just received word that the Dominatrix Johnson-Johnny Moustache match will be played at a whorehouse in Vegas. I like Assalone over Mangina, with Assalone marching on again, naturally.

Bulltron: Weekendfer v. Couch. Because—apologies in advance—what are weekends for? Couch. Silky Labie will be getting up on that Couch in the Sweet 16. Turn on some Sinatra and dust off a nice bottle of wine. Destiny, though, will prevail in the end.

Dragonwagon: Someone's dropping when there's a mountain involved. Danger, Danger Guerrero. Kilimanjaro stands tall. Check the teaser price on Edward McClammy. McClammy can win the 'wagon.

Chrotchtangle: Rockefellow is the best first name in the tournament, a bobbing, riffing, cultural mix of Old Money and street. But Free-King Africa and his double entendre is just too powerful. Then there's this classic: Fonda Dicks and Poony Poon—in the Chrotch! It's still a man's world. Dicks is the pick.