Monday, March 10, 2008

2008 NOTY Tournament: And Then There Were 32

The polls are closed in the opening round of the 2008 Name of the Year Tournament.

More than 1,500 people cast ballots in the Destiny Frankenstein-Maurkice Pouncey blowout, the biggest NOTY voter turnout ever. Destiny and the other No. 1 seeds advanced, as they always do. But we had some huge upsets. Two No. 2's, the well-balanced Manix Auriantal and Ebony Haliburton were taken out by sexually connotative No. 15's Silky Labie and Levi Licking. Bulltron Regional No. 14 seed Urban Couch set fire to No. 3 Knowshon Moreno and, in the Chrotchtangle Regional, fellow 14 Gasoline Hunter dulled No. 3 Elrazor Sharp. And we totally underestimated the power of Chrotchtangle No. 12 Fonda Dicks, who racked up more than 80 percent of the vote against No. 5 Baffelly Woo.

Then there was the positively Floridian, ain't-gonna-be-no-rematch, 5-12 Firm Dinkins-Dom Perignon Champagne slugfest in the Bulltron. At 10:30 p.m. yesterday, the count was, astonishingly, deadlocked: 313-313. Twenty minutes later, we checked again. A ballot had been cast! We kept the polls open through the night, but that turned out to be the deciding vote. We called it at 9:30 this morning: Firm Dinkins 314, Dom Perignon Champagne 313. Ah, sweet democracy.

Next stop: the Sweet 16. A small change in the voting procedure for this round. Instead of posting each match separately, we're putting all four pairings in each regional in a single post. That means you have to vote four times per post. Four times the fun! The first regional will be up shortly.

Meantime, here are your second-round pairings . . . on the Road to the Final Four!

Bulltron Regional
No. 1 Destiny Frankenstein v. No. 8 Thankgod Amaefule
No. 5 Firm Dinkins v. No. 4 Perfect Engleberger
No. 14 Urban Couch v. No. 6 Weekendfer Saurit
No. 10 Spaceman Africa v. No. 15 Silky Labie

Sithole Regional
No. 1 Fabio Assalone v. No. 9 Phyllis Mangina
No. 5 Terdsak Jandaeng v. No. 4 Hurtis Chinn
No. 3 Dominitrix Johnson v. No. 11 Johnny Moustache
No. 10 Charley Willard Horse Dick v. No. 15 Levi Licking

Dragonwagon Regional
No. 1 Steeve Ho You Fat v. No. 9 Edward McClammy
No. 5 Dean Windass v. No. 4 Have-A-Look Dube
No. 3 Jeremiah Kilimanjaro v. No. 6 Danger Guerrero
No. 10 Tonic Chabalala v. No. 2 Alpacino Beauchamp

Chrotchtangle Regional
No. 1 Reprobatus Bibbs. v. No. 9 Cash Dixon Ringo Starlight
No. 12 Fonda Dicks v. No. 4 Poony Poon
No. 14 Gasoline Hunter v. No. 6 Pansy Ho
No. 7 Rockefellow Johnson v. No. 2 Free-King Africa