The polls are closed in the opening round of the 2008 Name of the Year Tournament.
More than 1,500 people cast ballots in the Destiny Frankenstein-Maurkice Pouncey blowout, the biggest NOTY voter turnout ever. Destiny and the other No. 1 seeds advanced, as they always do. But we had some huge upsets. Two No. 2's, the well-balanced Manix Auriantal and Ebony Haliburton were taken out by sexually connotative No. 15's Silky Labie and Levi Licking. Bulltron Regional No. 14 seed Urban Couch set fire to No. 3 Knowshon Moreno and, in the Chrotchtangle Regional, fellow 14 Gasoline Hunter dulled No. 3 Elrazor Sharp. And we totally underestimated the power of Chrotchtangle No. 12 Fonda Dicks, who racked up more than 80 percent of the vote against No. 5 Baffelly Woo.
Then there was the positively Floridian, ain't-gonna-be-no-rematch, 5-12 Firm Dinkins-Dom Perignon Champagne slugfest in the Bulltron. At 10:30 p.m. yesterday, the count was, astonishingly, deadlocked: 313-313. Twenty minutes later, we checked again. A ballot had been cast! We kept the polls open through the night, but that turned out to be the deciding vote. We called it at 9:30 this morning: Firm Dinkins 314, Dom Perignon Champagne 313. Ah, sweet democracy.
Next stop: the Sweet 16. A small change in the voting procedure for this round. Instead of posting each match separately, we're putting all four pairings in each regional in a single post. That means you have to vote four times per post. Four times the fun! The first regional will be up shortly.
Meantime, here are your second-round pairings . . . on the Road to the Final Four!
No. 1 Destiny Frankenstein v. No. 8 Thankgod Amaefule
No. 5 Firm Dinkins v. No. 4 Perfect Engleberger
No. 14 Urban Couch v. No. 6 Weekendfer Saurit
No. 10 Spaceman Africa v. No. 15 Silky Labie
No. 1 Fabio Assalone v. No. 9 Phyllis Mangina
No. 5 Terdsak Jandaeng v. No. 4 Hurtis Chinn
No. 3 Dominitrix Johnson v. No. 11 Johnny Moustache
No. 10 Charley Willard Horse Dick v. No. 15 Levi Licking
No. 1 Steeve Ho You Fat v. No. 9 Edward McClammy
No. 5 Dean Windass v. No. 4 Have-A-Look Dube
No. 3 Jeremiah Kilimanjaro v. No. 6 Danger Guerrero
No. 10 Tonic Chabalala v. No. 2 Alpacino Beauchamp
No. 1 Reprobatus Bibbs. v. No. 9 Cash Dixon Ringo Starlight
No. 12 Fonda Dicks v. No. 4 Poony Poon
No. 14 Gasoline Hunter v. No. 6 Pansy Ho
No. 7 Rockefellow Johnson v. No. 2 Free-King Africa