Monday, February 25, 2008

2008 NOTY First Round: No. 1 Destiny Frankenstein v. No. 16 Maurkice Pouncey

Twenty-five years ago. Thriller. Grenada. The Evil Empire. Lorenzo Charles. The Hitler Diaries. The Pine Tar Game. The Apple Lisa.

Name of the Year.

We’ve come a long way since Hector “Macho” Camacho upset the late Baskerville Holmes to become the first Name of the Year in 1983. How long? Two words: Vanilla Dong.

It will indeed be tough to top last year’s winner. But we’re going to try. We whittled nearly 300 names down to a final 64. We seeded the field. We even podcast the proceedings.

Now it’s up to you. Print the ballot. Fill it out. Argue the merits of No. 1 seeds Destiny Frankenstein, Steeve Ho You Fat, Fabio Assalone and Reprobatus Bibbs. Debate whether Dom Perignon Champagne was robbed with a No. 12 seed or whether No. 5 Baffelly Woo can take out No. 4 Poony Poon in an inevitable second-round matchup. Start a pool. If you want, send us your Final Fours.

But we’re still exhausted from tabulating last year’s ballots. So we’re voting online. Starting now, we’ll roll out two to four first-round pairings a day in the four NOTY regions—Bulltron, Sithole, Chrotchtangle and Dragonwagon, honoring some Hall of Name legends—with a big build-up to the Final Four. So check back regularly.

And we know: Brian Suksomwong didn’t make the field. Because he changed his name. The NOTY High Court ruled that if you can get on the ballot with a legal name change, you can stay off it that way, too. So everyone’s favorite trumpeter will be watching from home with LaceDarius Dunn, Boy Waterman, Lisa Shot With Arrow (it was a bad year for Native American names), Dick Swett (it was a bad year for Dicks, too), British Footman, DarQuavis Tucker, Jupiter Crabtree, Kosuke Fukudome, Joebar Damosmog, Poopa Dweck, Unique Bishop, Kingjack Washington and 200 or so other eminently worthy nominees. Next year, we’ll do an NIT.

Let’s get started:

2008 NOTY First Round: Bulltron Regional

No. 1 Destiny Frankenstein: Former All-American softball player. Celebrated by Big Daddy Drew. Wrote to us.

No. 16 Maurkice Pouncey: 300-pound Florida offensive lineman. Full name LaShawn Maurkice Pouncey. Twin brother disappointingly named Michael. Reminds us a little of Lucious Pusey.

Who advances in the 2008 NOTY Tournament?

Destiny Frankenstein
Maurkice Pouncey free polls

Many thanks to the incomparable 289 for the NOTY Tournament logo and NOTY banner, and to Kissing Suzy Kolber's illustrious Monday Morning Punter for the site redesign.


  1. Excellent field, Although I am slighly disappointed that my nomination of Xczavie Jackson didn't make it, but in such a strong field that's not surprizing. But the seedings... my FInal Four has a 10, 11, 12 and 2 with the winner going to 12 seed Fonda Dicks.

    But maybe I'm just lowbrow that way

  2. Holy shit, my Gasoline Hunter submission made it! I'm pulling for it to come down to Spaceman Africa and Reprobatus Bibbs, but I'm still pumped that Gasoline made it on there; I'm sure the rest of my family would agree, and appreciate the honor.

  3. Lucious Pusey should have been a number one seed.

  4. Is this where I register an official complaint about my name nominee NOT making it?

    I mean... c'mon. Gay R. Horney!?! It's gold, Jerry! Gold, I tell ya!!

    Good work as always guys, but I feel slighted. I feel like Mark Cuban trying to take on the UFC.

    Gay R. Horney IS my Randy Couture. We shall see each other soon, Dana White... soon.


  6. In anticipation of next year's tournament I have to nominate Rusty Kuntz first(?) base coach. But this years list is stacked.

  7. I'd say Fonda Dicks is the most egregiously under-seeded 12.

  8. Not to worry these guys will be around next year ... Utah State University Football not only fields a Geno Odong but also a Maxim Dinka.

  9. Final Four:

    Destiny Frankenstein,
    Fabio Assalone,
    Steeve Ho You Fat,
    Pansy Ho


    Fabio Assalone vs. Steeve Ho You Fat

    Fabio Assalone

  10. Solely from a soccer fan's perspective I can't understand leaving out Boy Waterman in favor of Dean Windass. Whither Danny Shittu?

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