Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Final Standings: 2004

1. Jerome Fruithandler 101 points (2 first-place votes)











2. Ralph Meatyard 74 (2)
3. Queena Formica 61 (1)
4. Bonna Bang 55 (2)
5. Divinity Sebag 49 (1)
5. Jo-Scama Wontong 49
7. Opheera McDoom 47 (1)
8. Canyon Ceman 29
9. Allah Mathematics 25
10. Moses Blah 22
11. Bavo Cool 17
12. Margaret Lin-Orefice 15
13. Josephus Eggelation Jr. 13
13. Nemesis Luga 13
15. Brando Skyhorse 12
16. Preeti Jain 11
16. Waco Hoover 11
18. Dudley Dudley 10
18. Clinton Dick 10
20. Dartagnon Shack 7
21. Rishad Tobaccowala 5
22. Socrates Garcia 3
22. Eldrige Sacramento 3
24. Moses Ma 2
24. Kobra Ghuloom 2
24. MacKenzie Hoambrecker 2
27. LaBrandon Toefield 1
28. Bandit Gangwere 0
28. Dailey Bugg 0
28. Monreko Crittenden 0
28. Sam Threefoot 0
28. Little Lesure 0

Final Standings: 2005

1. Tanqueray Beavers 238 points (7 first-place votes)
2. Hub Krack 136 (3)
3. Anus Alcoglu 117 (1)
4. Sol Solwinder 110 (1)
5. Gay Horney 94
6. Bunnatine Greenhouse 80
7. Tuna Amobi 78
8. Vershon Sublet 74 (1)
9. Sheila Dikshit 66
10. Kaming Kareem 62
11. Wingfield Rehmus 56
12. Neg Norton 52
13. Asi Wind 51 (1)
14. Parris France 46
15. Mageina Tovah 45
16. Clinton Gore 40 (1)
17. Shanduke McPhatter 37
17. Buzz Wehunt 37
17. Ding Ding 37
20. Buick Tuua 36
21. Junko Gono 33
22. Thandiwe Peebles 30
23. Vivian Bullwinkle 28
24. Browne Greene 24
25. Aurora Chill 23
25. Velvet Van Bueren 23
27. Inga Mohrdieck 22
27. Epiphanny Prince 22
29. Paddyson Chidi 20
30. L.A. Love 19
31. Mayo Stuntz 16
31. Cavadas Nunnery 16
31. JamesOn Curry 16
34. Huston Street 15
35. Kibwe Trim 13
35. Oliver Sweatman 13
35. Loudy Tourky 13
35. Whizdom Williams 13
39. La France Hamilton 12
40. Bill Wallet 10
41. Bushrod Washington 9
41. Savante Stringfellow 9
43. Guy America 7
43. Fro Adu 7
44. Dearbail Jordan 6
46. Clinton Lively 3
46. Bamba Fall 3
46. Khalim Barge 3
46. Jowahn Poteat 3
46. Kwadwo Kwakwa 3
46. Myron Brilliant 3
46. Ducan Fanfan 3
53. Brodney Pool 0
53. Anna Broomhead 0
53. Sunshine Borsato 0
53. Clarence Frisbee 0
53. Carlos Slim 0
53. Tashard Choice 0
53. Tiandra Penteen 0
53. Young Talkmore Nyongani 0
53. Chike Ozumba 0
53. Violet Trout 0
53. Chinny Offor 0

INVALIDATED: Critter Nagurski

Final Standings: 2006

1. Princess Nocandy 172 points (6 first-place votes)
2. Singeng Balwinder 68 (1)
3. Gordon Cobbledick 59
4. Yetta Furman Burman 55 (1)
5. Gay Straite 50
Dick Dong Wang 50
7. Fuk King Kwok 42
8. Winka Dumbbledam 41
9.. Magnificent Davis 37
Roma Maffia 37
11. Sumatra La’Dontae Jones 35 (1)
12. Sigsbee Duck 34
13. Chee Wee Chen 33
14. Jesse James Hollywood 32
15. Victor Las Vegas 30
Simple Dhadda 30
17. Akbar Hemingway 29
Proxy Rodriguez 29
19. Wolfgang Winkelmayer 27
20. Joe Americano 22
21. Parfait Bitee
22. David Necessary
Don Porcaro
24. D’Brickashaw Ferguson
25. Pansy Pang
26. Nickona Chuckles
27. Odd Nerdrum
Sad Webb
29. Dragon Bear
Pansy Pang
Forrest Mallard
Damon Cabbagestalk
Hyancinth Carbon
34. Volvik Chaperon
Stetson Hairston
Unique Divine
Washington Frimpong
Lamarr Farr
Moon Bloodgood
40. Isma A. Sweety
Tye-esha Fluker
Swanze Swindle
Larry Pindyck
Colt Thorpe
Swazine Swindle
Will Yu
Matee Ajavon
49. Imee Clotz
Playton Dickey
King Jigme Singye Wangchuk
Hock Jaheemjahmah
Bing Wang
Mayobanex Santana
Brian Barefoot
Ratan Naval Tata
Uy Ear
Kirby Dick
Ryshaun Sunkins
Dick Stucki
Polk Lafoon
Inna Barmash
Cletis Fobbs
Mavis Sitwala
Scholanda Hoston

INVALIDATED: Ravi Oli

Final Standings: Name of the Decade (1992)

1. Assumption Bulltron 45 points
2. Largest Agbejemison 33
3. Anicet Lavodrama 22
3. Delano Turnipseed 22
5. Godfrey Sithole 18
6. Doby Chrotchtangle 17
7. African Grant 13
8. Acheson Hench 12
9. Paris Drain 11
9. Funzo Banjo 11
9. Magnolia Thunderpussy 11*
12. Candy Bush 10
13. Dudu Chili 9
14. Matt Monger 7
14. Hench Murray 7
16. Monroe Trout 6
17. Clinton Hinton 5
17. Herman Veal 5
19. Arnold Horelick 4
19. Dick Trickle 4
19. Darryl Derryberry 4
22. J.C. Love Jordan 3
22. Broderick President 3
22. Bradley Beanblossom 3
22. Omo Moses 3
22. Napoleon Lightning 3
22. Birdie Africa 3
22. Alma Bone 3
28. Otis Overcash 2
28. Mike Porco 2
28. Magnus Pelkowski 2
31. Monte Cuba 1
31. Hector Camacho 1
31. Billy Broadfoot 1
31. Oral Love 1

*Magnolia Thunderpussy received votes even though her name had been INVALIDATED by the High Commissioner

The Hall of Name

Inaugural Class of 2000
Assumption Bulltron (1991; NOTD 1992)
Doby Chrotchtangle (NOTY 1991)
Crescent Dragonwagon (NOTY 1993)
Honka Monka (NOTY 1996)
Excellent Raymond (NOTY 1992)

Class of 2001
Licentious Beastie (NOTY 1999; INVALIDATED 2006)
Mummenschontz Bitterbeetle (NOTY 1994; INVALIDATED 2006)
African Grant (1985)

Class of 2002
Largest Agbejemison (1991)
Godfrey Sithole (NOTY 1985)
Nimrod Weiselfish (NOTY 2000)

Class of 2003
Tokyo Sexwale (NOTY 2001)

2004
No nominee was named on the minimum 50 percent of ballots.

Class of 2005
Jew Don Boney Jr. (NOTY 2003)
Fidelio Tata (1998)

2006
No nominee was named on the minimum 50 percent of ballots.

Class of 2007
Tanqueray Beavers (NOTY 2005)
Roszetia McConeyhead (2001)
Moses Regular (1997)

Class of 2008
Jerome Fruithandler (NOTY 2004)
Delano Turnipseed (1985)
Princess Nocandy (NOTY 2006)

Class of 2009
Vanilla Dong (NOTY 2007)
Babypaz de la Vega Jr. (1999)

Class of 2010
Destiny Frankenstein (NOTY 2008)
Alma Bone (1984)

Key: NOTY=Name of the Year; NOTD=Name of the Decade

Names of the Year

2009 Juvyline Cubangbang (NOTY High Committee)
2009 Barkevious Mingo (The People)
2008 Destiny Frankenstein (NOTY High Committee)
2008 Spaceman Africa (The People)
2007 Vanilla Dong
2006 Princess Nocandy
2005 Tanqueray Beavers
2004 Jerome Fruithandler
2003 Jew Don Boney Jr.
2002 Miracle Wanzo
2001 Tokyo Sexwale
2000 Nimrod Weiselfish
1999 Licentious Beastie (INVALIDATED 2006; Runner-up: Dick Surprise)
1998 L.A. St. Louis
1997 Courage Shabalala
1996 Honka Monka
1995 Ballots missing
1994 Mummenschontz Bitterbeetle (INVALIDATED 2006; Runner-up: Scientific Mapp)
1993 Crescent Dragonwagon
1992 Excellent Raymond
1992 Assumption Bulltron (Name of the Decade)
1991 Doby Chrotchtangle
1990 Otis Overcash
1989 Magnus Pelkowski
1988 No vote held
1987 No vote held
1986 No vote held
1985 Godfrey Sithole
1984 No vote held
1983 Hector Camacho

NOTY History

Name of the Year started innocently enough: a few funny names from the world of sports tacked to a dorm-room door at an Ivy League institution in the fall of 1982. Herman VealDexter Manley.Cornelius Boza-EdwardsBaskerville Holmes (pictured). Hector Macho Camacho wouldn’t merit a second glance in today’s competitive naming environment—think football before the forward pass, two-handed set shots, Pong—but he was chosen as the first Name of the Year.

Two years later, off campus now, names were posted weekly on a wall near a Puff Basketball hoop. The end of the academic calendar brought a longer list of nominees, and the second NOTY: Godfrey Sithole.

Yes, we know that Sithole isn’t pronounced that way, not at least in his native country. Neither is Tokyo Sexwale, the 2001 NOTY, said the way you’d hope, nor 2005 nominee Sheila Dikshit, nor Falik Schtroks from the 1998 ballot. But therein lies a truism about NOTY: It’s not just the name; it’s the argument.

A good name is in the ear of the beholder (or the eye, in the case of creatively punctuated names, like I-Perfection Harris and Q’Beashable Scott). You like the cadence of Fidelio Tata. I prefer the poetic rhyme of Clinton Hinton. You think Largest Agbejemison is funnier than Borat. I’m an Excellent Raymond guy all the way. You cringe over Dick Surprise. I can’t stop laughing about Johnny Dickshot. History’s your game? Conan Freud. Geography? Paris London. Both? Cleopatra Egypt.

A good name generally has it going both ways, that is, the given name and surname have distinctive qualities. A good name should be unexpected. A good name can be ironic. A good name is what you want it to be. To the best of our knowledge—and we’ve been burned once or twice—all of the names we’ve discovered are real. We intend no malice in recording them. Hey, some of our names have been mocked, with reason.

In any event, after a few years of post-graduate wandering, NOTY in the late 1980s became an annual rite for a dozen or so men who gathered each spring to pick a winner (and play a drinking game involving the regional semifinals of the NCAA basketball tournament; never mind). Voting was open to friends and interested parties, whose ballots were accepted but not always tabulated. By 1992, enough names had been amassed to select a Name of the Decade.

Entering their thirties, the members of the NOTY Committee believed life had more to offer than names; the 1995 ballots are missing, or we didn’t vote that year, or something. Then we realized that the older we got, the more we needed to preserve our juvenile-seeming pastime. The watershed year: 1998. Faced with a tsunami of nominees, the High Commissioner of the NOTY Committee suggested turning the NOTY ballot into an NCAA-style bracket.

In the course of human events, has there been a more inspired, nay, seminal development? Some ballots have included 64 names, some a mere 32. We don’t play drinking games anymore, but the NOTY Committee continues to gather on the Friday of the NCAA regional semifinals in a city on the Eastern seaboard to select a winner.

Finally, while it took baseball seven decades to establish its Hall of Fame, it took us only two to create theHall of Name. Of the myriad names nominated over the years—easily well over a thousand, we guess--only 14 have been enshrined in the Hall since its formation in 2000. In 2006, tragically, two Hall members were kicked out in a scandal that rocked the NOTY community.

We’ve squandered untold, irretrievable hours of our lives nominating, verifying, seeding, voting for and wetting our pants over the likes of Anicet Lavodrama, Unique Wigfall, Babypaz de la Vega Jr., Drs. Jihad Slim and Barney Softness, Gay Straite, Courage Shabalala, Dick Trickle, Dudley Softly, Finesse Couch, La’keisha Laughinghouse, Attila Cosby, Maximum Havoc Steinberg, Dudu Chili, Asi Wind, Shula Hula and others so beautifully named. Now you can, too.

Names of the Year

2013 Leo Moses Spornstarr
2012 No vote held
2011 Taco B.M. Monster(NOTY High Committee and The People)
2010 Nohjay Nimpson (NOTY High Committee)
Steele Sidebottom (The People)
2009 Juvyline Cubangbang (NOTY High Committee)
Barkevious Mingo (The People)
2008 Destiny Frankenstein (NOTY High Committee)
Spaceman Africa (The People)
2007 Vanilla Dong (NOTY High Committee and The People)
2006 Princess Nocandy
2005 Tanqueray Beavers
2004 Jerome Fruithandler
2003 Jew Don Boney Jr.
2002 Miracle Wanzo
2001 Tokyo Sexwale
2000 Nimrod Weiselfish
1999 Licentious Beastie (INVALIDATED 2006; Runner-up: Dick Surprise)
1998 L.A. St. Louis
1997 Courage Shabalala
1996 Honka Monka
1995 Ballots missing
1994 Mummenschontz Bitterbeetle (INVALIDATED 2006; Runner-up: Scientific Mapp)
1993 Crescent Dragonwagon
1992 Excellent Raymond
1992 Assumption Bulltron (Name of the Decade)
1991 Doby Chrotchtangle
1990 Otis Overcash
1989 Magnus Pelkowski
1988 No vote held
1987 No vote held
1986 No vote held
1985 Godfrey Sithole
1984 No vote held
1983 Hector Camacho