Friday, June 29, 2007

Name of the Week: Elrazor Sharp v. Treazure R. Johnson

Convicted rapist Free-King Afrika blew the bard out of Othello Cheeks to win Name of the Week Week 9. In Week 10, an Elrazor goes near a Johnson. Careful!

Elrazor Sharp: He's a running back at Malone College of the Mid-States Football Association, an NAIA school in Canton, Ohio, home of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. We hadn't heard of it either.

At 5-10, 260, Elrazor isn’t built like a slasher. But the beef has never slowed him down, as he carved single-season team records for touchdowns (20) and points scored (120) at Minnesota West Community and Technical College before making the big leap to Malone.

He may have enrolled just to be in the company of other great names. Elrazor plays alongside the likes of Justin Jump, Shelby Santizo, Anthony Body, Kyle Slutz and the fearsome Kapostasy brothers, defensive back Cody and linebacker Kevin.

We love the El. Did his parents think ``Razor’’ alone wouldn’t be distinctive enough? Did they fear it might be too clich├ęd even for NOTY? Were they friends of the family of Antwaan Randle El? Did they want to ensure their son a place alongside minor-league baseball name legend Razor Shines? Did they consider Elknife, Eltack or any of the sharp scales?

(Thanks to NOTY reader Amy.)

Treazure R. Johnson: It was big news in the legal world a couple years back when the one-name Washington, D.C. firm Venable LLP made a hire to grow its securities litigation and white-collar defense practices. As one of the venerable Venables put it:

``Treazure Johnson brings a formidable set of trial, enforcement and investigative credentials to our practice. ... Having led a number of high-profile prosecutions, Treazure adds major value to our securities litigation, white-collar defense and corporate governance work, all of which are critical to the firm.''

Treazure also brings a formidable name and major value to NOTY. Like her opponent this week, she's got an off-the-hook first name with a delectable spelling twist. Of course, we wonder what was wrong with the conventional spelling. As if Treasure wouldn't have been different enough? What were the Johnsons going for? A play on the color azure? NOTY immortality? (For the record, we envision a day when NOTY plays a role in baby-naming conversations everywhere.)

Treazure Johnson. It's a command! OK! The middle initial is a helpful reminder. We will treasure ours! An Asian middle name like ``Mai''—who doesn't love that video-game hottie—would have been overkill.

At the Securities and Exchange Commission’s enforcement division, Treazure was part of a team that successfully prosecuted Sunbeam Corp. and its chief, ``Chainsaw’’ Al Dunlap. She could be just the lawyer to help us unravel the greatest unsolved crime in NOTY history: the perfectly executed hoax that led to the election of Mummenschontz Bitterbeetle and Licentious Beastie as the 1994 and 1999 NsOTY and then to the Hall of Name—and finally to their banishment last year. (Separate post to follow someday soon.)

Who Is the Name of the Week?
Elrazor Sharp
Treazure R. Johnson free polls