His blog may be called Mr. Irrelevant, but Jamie Mottram didn't want to find himself standing pathetically behind the velvet rope at the 2007 Name of the Year ``Celebrity'' Bracket Party. His picks, and profound analysis:
Final Four: D. Zeke Ezekowitz, Kyle Sackrider, Phyre Quickly Burns, Vanilla Dong
Winner: Vanilla Dong
--Phyre Quickly Burns is everything you can ask for in a name. The unconventional spelling, the life lesson learned. Frankly, this would be a champion most years. However...
--Vanilla Dong is not the Name of the Year, it's the name of the decade. (Editor: Assumption Bulltron was the Name of the Decade—the decade between 1983 and 1992.)
--Bung Mac is your token 12-seed upset, but the Cinderella story ends in the Sweet 16 against the Vanilla Dong powerhouse. Tough draw.
--Lady Comfort really got slighted by the Selection Committee. A 15 seed? C'mon! And where the fuck is Lawyer Milloy? I mean, if Mister Taylor is a 13, Lawyer got robbed! (Editor: Milloy was nominated in 1997.)
--I love the clashing nomenclature of Princess Perdue. Too bad it gets run over by Adrienne Cumbus in the third round.
--I know Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee looks funny on paper, but just say D. Zeke Ezekowitz out loud. That's got Final Four all over it.
Jamie Mottram, ladies and gentlemen: irrelevant no more. Only two days to go before Price Waterhouse certifies the ballots for the 2007 Name of the Year. Vote now!