Thursday, March 29, 2007

We'd Rather Have His Ballot Than Andrew Sullivan's Anyway

His blog may be called Mr. Irrelevant, but Jamie Mottram didn't want to find himself standing pathetically behind the velvet rope at the 2007 Name of the Year ``Celebrity'' Bracket Party. His picks, and profound analysis:

Final Four: D. Zeke Ezekowitz, Kyle Sackrider, Phyre Quickly Burns, Vanilla Dong

Winner: Vanilla Dong


--Phyre Quickly Burns is everything you can ask for in a name. The unconventional spelling, the life lesson learned. Frankly, this would be a champion most years. However...

--Vanilla Dong is not the Name of the Year, it's the name of the decade. (Editor: Assumption Bulltron was the Name of the Decade—the decade between 1983 and 1992.)

--Bung Mac is your token 12-seed upset, but the Cinderella story ends in the Sweet 16 against the Vanilla Dong powerhouse. Tough draw.

--Lady Comfort really got slighted by the Selection Committee. A 15 seed? C'mon! And where the fuck is Lawyer Milloy? I mean, if Mister Taylor is a 13, Lawyer got robbed! (Editor: Milloy was nominated in 1997.)

--I love the clashing nomenclature of Princess Perdue. Too bad it gets run over by Adrienne Cumbus in the third round.

--I know Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee looks funny on paper, but just say D. Zeke Ezekowitz out loud. That's got Final Four all over it.

Jamie Mottram, ladies and gentlemen: irrelevant no more. Only two days to go before Price Waterhouse certifies the ballots for the 2007 Name of the Year. Vote now!