Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Arianna Huffington Is Filling Out Her Bracket Right Now

Desperate to crash the 2007 NOTY ``celebrity’’ bracket party—and who isn't?—With Leather editor Matt Ufford woke us this morning with his picks and analysis:

Final Four: Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee, Destinee Hooker, Kyle Sackrider, Vanilla Dong

Notable entrants/random thoughts: The Sithole Regional was either overwhelmingly weak or horrendously seeded. It featured a No. 10 (Quantavius Sturdivant) versus a No. 14 (Anita Fiel) in the Sweet 16, and its Final Four entrant, Kyle Sackrider (right), made it on strength of last name alone. (But what a last name!)

Reasoning for picks throughout tournament: An amazing first name or last name alone can get your through the early rounds of the tournament (Bulcock, Nipple, Cumbus), but any Name of the Year winner must be well-rounded in both first and last name. Or first and last and three middle names, as the case may be. Also favored: any name that referenced a body part—especially genitalia—usually advanced, while names that were likely the product of dirty hippies or too-clever assholes (Gelo Orange) were rejected in the early rounds.

An ode to Vanilla Dong: Simple, straightforward, referential to a delicious flavor AND male genitalia, well-rounded from top to bottom without being too over the top (see Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee). It is by far and away the greatest name in the tournament.